How can I cultivate a deeper friendship with a few friendly acquaintances that are now long distance? Without coming across as creepy / making them uncomfortable.

[Acacia98]

15 hours ago, Lifeinpixels said:

It's ok to choose not to be someone's friend in the first place. But what is not ok is to lead them on and be their friend and then suddenly ghost them and cut them off without any explanation. THAT is what I do not tolerate. I just have no respect for people that will play this game and be friends and then suddenly cut them off without at least giving them a chance to stop what is bothering them.

In all honesty, I really did not understand what Alyssa meant by setting that boundary. If I knew for sure I wouldn't have found a loophole. I didn't know she didn't want me to meet him, I thought she just didn't want me to fish for information about their relationship, which I did not actually do. I think she thought I did that, but it wasn't my intention or what I was actually doing. I didn't mention this in my other post, but I was a little insecure and concerned about how Charlie would feel about me being friends with Alyssa because of guy-girl friendships, etc.  I really wanted to Charlie to like me, and approve of me. I was afraid I might lose a friendship with Alyssa otherwise. However, I let my insecurity get the better out of me. I should've had more trust in Alyssa and Charlie. 

The thing is though I said that I would gossip because I felt wronged and unfairly treated. She didn't just choose not to be friends in the beginning. If she did that nothing would've happened. 

But you're not being consistent. By your own description, she was pretty clear about being uncomfortable with your actions before finally ending her friendship with you. It was evident to you that your actions led to her decision. And it is evident to many of us too. But even if it wasn't evident to you, the fact that many folks here are telling you your actions were a violation and that you need to get professional help to help you understand and deal with such situations should give you pause. You should be seeking that professional assistance right now, not doubling down on this idea that you were wronged.

Also, nobody owes anybody a friendship. That is something you must understand. People are allowed to change their minds about being friends with others. Friendship is not ownership. Yes, it hurts when people choose to no longer be friends with us. But that hurt is something we must accept, learn lessons from, and move on.

[glows]

8 hours ago, Lifeinpixels said:

Do you have any advice on how I can try and fix it with Alyssa? We might be on speaking terms. She’s very friendly and doesn’t get creeped out super easily. From what I understand, Alyssa and I are on speaking and texting terms, but she just doesn’t have the time these days to put in a huge effort to make a phone call to discuss all this. .

I don’t know who would want to, OP. Have you reread the things you’ve written and those “DEMANDS” with the tone used to impart your wishes in a threatening way? Disappointment losing a friend, I can see. Making demands out of people is not a great way to nurture any sort of friendship. You’re coming across as a tyrant and scary. 

Along the lines of Mark’s comments, dial back your concept of what a friendship ought to be and listen to what others might want or are comfortable with. She may be an acquaintance or eventually the friendship fades. So what? It isn’t going to break you. Make new friends in a more sincere way and allow people to be themselves too.

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Lifeinpixels said:

Not without revenge. When I am friends with someone, I prepare in case of any unfair end to a friendship. Usually I have personal info about them that they have shared with me during the friendship. If they end that friendship, I use all the info I have about them against them. They break my trust, I break their trust. It is that simple. If you're my friend, I will keep your info confidential, and to myself as a trustworthy person. You break my trust and unfairly end a friendship with me, then all the info you have shared with me I will use against you. That is my boundary for friendships. 

And I can confirm that I have quite a bit of information about Alyssa that I will happily use against her if she ends that friendship completely. 

What you're basically saying here is that you like to control people, and when they escape your control, you punish them. There's nothing benign about that. And it's not how true friendship works. That is actually how abusive relationships work.

I don't know if you realize this, but if you "revenge" when people stop talking to you, you're basically confirming that they did the right thing in distancing themselves from you. If you go to report people to their bosses and those bosses get to hear the full story, it is you who will look bad because you will come across as a vengeful stalker. You won't get the justice you imagine you deserve. However, your victims will likely get plenty of sympathy.

I agree with the person who says you need to take a huge step back from pursuing friendships. You're not ready. Get some help first. Right now, the things you talk about doing could hurt others and could ultimately hurt you seriously too. I imagine it can't be easy being neurodivergent in a world full of neurotypical folks. The stuff you're fantasizing about doing would make your already challenging experiences even harder and more painful. You don't want that for yourself, do you?

[Fortnite]

I (M23) graduated from college last year, and now live like 6 hrs away. Back when I was in college, I met a couple of acquaintances; a 26 year old guy that we'll call Ryan, and a 28 year old girl that we'll call Hayley, to be specific. Both Ryan and Hayley are grad students that work at the college and live in the area. Ryan, I have only seen on campus a few times walking around and chatting. Hayley, I know a little better but really only had a few interactions with in passing as well, and don't really know her well at all. They're both married by the way; I know Ryan's wife a little bit, but never met Hayley's husband, if that makes any difference. Anyways, I really wish I could've spent more time with them, but we were not in the same circles, and they were very busy people, but I regretfully never tried to ask either of them to get a meal and spend intentional time. I wish I had done that.

Anyways, while I barely know either of them, both Ryan and Hayley are people that I have been very friendly with and I think are super cool. We follow each other on Instagram and I will DM them occasionally from time to time just to see how they are doing, and sometimes chit chat but nothing serious or anything.

All that to say, I know this might sound weird, but I REALLY REALLY want to cultivate a friendship with both Ryan and Hayley, and perhaps their spouses as well if interested. However, with me living 6 hrs away now its a little difficult. My plan is that I want to make a trip back to my college town to see them. I know plenty of people still at my college that I'll try to see as well if I go, but my main reason for wanting to make a trip back to my college town for a holiday is to grab a meal with Ryan and a meal with Hayley to get to know them better and try and cultivate a friendship. Anyways, they are busy people, and I want to make sure I choose a weekend to come when they are both available and will have the time to get meals with me. My big concern is that, if I send them a text and tell them that I want to come up for the sake of spending time with them, it might make them feel very uncomfortable and push them away because both Ryan and Hayley are only acquaintances right now and they are not close friends. Do you have any advice on how I can approach this without coming off as weird / creepy, or making them uncomfortable? I think they might find it weird that I am making them so much of a priority like this that I'm making a 6 hr trip just to see them, when I barely know them. I know for a fact they don't harbor the same feelings, and I am not expecting them to, at least for a while. But I am hoping after many trips, thinking 3 years ahead, that I can be good friends with both of them.

Any advice you have? If you were either Ryan or Hayley, would you feel weird if an acquaintance was intentionally making a long trip like that for the sake of wanting to get a meal with you two? I don't mean having to be there anyways and just asking to spend time and catch up since they're already in town, but making a trip to town for the sole reason of wanting to cultivate a friendship with you. What would you think of that? Would that be a turn off for you?

The fact is, I know I don't know Ryan or Hayley that well at all, but they were both so sweet that I have developed a very strong emotional attachment to them, and really want to cultivate a friendship with both of them. I just want those people in my life so bad, even if it is at a distance and I won't be able to see them regularly. If I can even just get meals with them like 2-3 times a year, it would mean so much to me. Is this weird by any chance? Does anyone here think this is not normal of me to want this so much? 

[stillafool]

Have you been here before?  Your story sounds familiar and I think neither of these people want to be your friends.  I suggest you leave them alone and find people who actually welcome your friendship and perhaps live closer to you.  Good luck.