Author Nickilove Posted December 29, 2022 Author Share Posted December 29, 2022 1 minute ago, smackie9 said: When a guy says slow down, he just wants casual. Also there is the possibility he likes keeping his options open. Guard your heart and stop investing your feelings. Okay, thank you ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Nickilove said: When a man says take things slow what do they expect from the woman? I want to make sure I don’t mess anything up again. Men are not a monolith who all think and act the same way. If you don't understand exactly what a man means when he makes a request, ask him to clarify. And then decide if what he wants is also what you want. Communication is key Edited December 29, 2022 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickilove Posted December 30, 2022 Author Share Posted December 30, 2022 @Wiseman2 after hanging out with him and him saying he wants to take it slow of course you know I fall back and wait on him to message me or intimate conversations but if I don’t hear from him for a whole day or more what could that mean? Do I just wait on him to message me? I honestly don’t want to be like a booty call for him I get he wants to take things slow but to me that doesn’t mean days without conversation. Would it be bad of me to send like a good morning have a good day text after not hearing from him for a few days. Or should I just fall back and follow his pace? I don’t want him to think he can just hit me up when he wants to link up like I’m a booty call but I also don’t wanna seem like I’m being forceful idk. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 Stop making these meet ups about sex. Request to go out and do something. IMO slowing down would mean no sex and have some casual coffee dates to talk. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 3 hours ago, Nickilove said: @Wiseman2. Exactly. This is why it's best to observe rather than smother. This way you'll know if he's just looking for hookups. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 4 hours ago, Nickilove said: @Wiseman2 after hanging out with him and him saying he wants to take it slow of course you know I fall back and wait on him to message me or intimate conversations but if I don’t hear from him for a whole day or more what could that mean? Do I just wait on him to message me? I honestly don’t want to be like a booty call for him I get he wants to take things slow but to me that doesn’t mean days without conversation. Would it be bad of me to send like a good morning have a good day text after not hearing from him for a few days. Or should I just fall back and follow his pace? I don’t want him to think he can just hit me up when he wants to link up like I’m a booty call but I also don’t wanna seem like I’m being forceful idk. Eh. Not a boyfriend - wouldn’t trouble myself with Gmorning texts. Is he only contacting you for booty calls? I am hoping this isn’t the only person you’re meeting or dating. Put this guy somewhere at the bottom of your priorities if he’s inconsistent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickilove Posted December 30, 2022 Author Share Posted December 30, 2022 51 minutes ago, glows said: Eh. Not a boyfriend - wouldn’t trouble myself with Gmorning texts. Is he only contacting you for booty calls? I am hoping this isn’t the only person you’re meeting or dating. Put this guy somewhere at the bottom of your priorities if he’s inconsistent. It isn’t the only guy I am talking to now he was the only guy when I first posted on here, my original post from a month ago explains what happened and he just messaged me again like 2 days ago and has reentered my life so now I’m just trying be cautious about everything cause I don’t want it to go left again. And idk if he just hit me up to hook up or actually hit me up to rekindle what we had. So I guess we will see Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) OP I think you and this guy are a mismatch and it's only a matter of time before the * hits the fan again. Why do I say that? Because for some reason, you are unable to relax with it and simply enjoy the process and journey of getting to know each other and spending time together, slowly and gradually, without attaching all these expectations to it like he "should" call/text every day or do whatever you think he should do to reassure you and meet your needs for security. You sound very insecure and anxious and until you get a handle on that, I envision all your dating experiences and relationships being fraught with these types of hot/cold, push/pull issues. Yes there may be days when you don't talk. That's not unusual. But when you are secure within yourself, have a full life with friends, family job, you're not so anxious about it and as such you're able to allow it all to unfold slowly and gradually the way the Universe intended. You don't push, pressure or force and even though you that may not be your intention, men can sense it through the energy you project. And YOUR general overall energy spells very insecure and anxious. This is not going to fly with a man like him who needs a significant amount of space and distance. I am not sure how successfully you are going to be hiding that, essentially pretending you are cool with it when you're clearly not. It's bound to blow up again eventually. My take is it will be after you spend a significant amount of time together after which he needs some space, which he may or may not tell you. He may simply decide to not reach out for a few days, which no doubt will leave you reeling. Rinse repeat your anxious behavior the first time, a month ago. Bottom line, he is a man who needs a significant amount of space from time to time (mental, emotional and physical) and you on the other hand need a significant amount of togetherness all the time. Neither style is wrong or right, they are simply different. And like I said, a total mismatch. EDIT: Such pairing are not uncommon however they are often dysfunctional and can even become toxic. Good luck. Edited December 30, 2022 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Nickilove said: It isn’t the only guy I am talking to now he was the only guy when I first posted on here, my original post from a month ago explains what happened and he just messaged me again like 2 days ago and has reentered my life so now I’m just trying be cautious about everything cause I don’t want it to go left again. And idk if he just hit me up to hook up or actually hit me up to rekindle what we had. So I guess we will see I wouldn’t easily forget either the classless dig he put on his dating profile. This would have been a massive turn off. It’s completely inappropriate and disrespectful not simply only to you but to women in general. He had a problem and decided to air it to the public on a dating website - ew. The sad part is he’s got you questioning his intentions which drives up your anxiety - possibly the same anxiety that drove you to contact his people (also inappropriate). I’d rethink the whole thing and start off with the basics - is this guy someone I see myself dating long term? Don’t even bother with “does he like me or just want to sleep with me”. What do you see happening here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 Taking a big step back... Truth - You are way too anxious to be dating and active military man. You have an anxious attachment style. Read up on it. Regardless of all the things you said about him and your history together... A person with your attachment style has no business being in a relationship with active military. You're just not suited for that sort of life. Best of luck! Mrin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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