Ex playing games?

[Bl8ckMamba24]

Background story: So my ex broke up with me last month because we had an argument that she started from out of the blue. She said she was done with me which confused me because it was me that should have been upset. I knew I was in the right especially since I had been seeking therapy for myself so I was able to spot the toxic traits in my ex.

Everytime we ever argued it was always over petty things that she would exacerbate even if I attempted to walk away from the heated arguement she would attempt to continue it. 

 

Anyway she finally admitted that for the 11 months we were together that she was never 100% in it and always had reservations yet still chose to get with me but she couldn't resist me I took that as she had used me for her own personal gain and broke my heart in the process. Despite that I offered her friendship which she was fine with until I had expressed that what she had done to me was completely unacceptable and she then expressed she couldn't be friends with me and instead labeled me a distant friend AKA an acquaintance. I told her that's fine and she can be like that but I won't rise to this childish behaviour and that I didn't care at this point anymore. 

Anyway I didn't talk to her for three weeks until I had important correspondence come to her house which was not intrusive as she was happy for that to continue due to the context of the letters that would come. 

When the letter was being sent I asked a friend to organise collecting and made an excuse for why I couldn't collect it as I didn't want to communicate with her directly nor did I want to see her as I feel its better for my moving on. Her message to my friend was "oh she could have messaged me herself but I guess she's decided she's not going to talk to me at all anymore." 

1. Why is she getting upset about the idea of me not talking to her??

My friend managed to organise the collection of the letter and my ex explained she would tell my friend when it came. 

Anyway a day later she randomly sent a voice note to my friend stating she had been away in London and a letter came but it wasn't the letter that I needed. I personally found that as a dig to prove she's moving on with her life. There was no reason for the voicenote she sent. 

2. Why did she feel the need to effectively send a voicenote to let my friend know she's been away partying in London?

Anyway I then bit the bullet and contacted her regarding the letter and she attempted to question whether I had managed to secure what I am securing and I kept things very to the point and agreed I would collect the letter. 

She said she would let me know when it comes and not hold up my process which I said thank you and let it be. 

I have found out from my broker that the letter was sent last Friday and it is now Wednesday so the letter should be there by now. I don't want to contact my ex because it avoids my own stress but yet she hasn't even bothered to tell me that the letter has come.

She has also asked randomly about certain items she knew I had but only requested for them back since contact has been made about the letter.

3. Why has she not contacted me? Is she wanting me to feed her ego and pride by me asking her for the letter? Or is she trying to further prove I'm no longer her priority? Is she being malicious and trying to get a rise out of me and hurt me?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. How long did you live together? Do you have a new address? Can you get a post office box? Your mail is your responsibility. Unfortunately she could simply write "return to sender", so try to figure out the logistics of changing your address.

 

[glows]

The relationship is over. It’s time to sever all ties and make arrangements to have your items delivered elsewhere in future. 

I’ve never understood the concept of using or getting friends to do any errands just because I’m uncomfortable or it’s unpleasant. Anything to do with relationships and exes stay between me and the other person and I have never put someone else as a go-between or do my bidding like this. She might have been taken aback at why you had chosen to have someone else pick up a letter that you organized to be delivered to her address in the first place. 

It’s not likely she’s manipulating you. She might not respect you and I realize that sounds harsh and you’re hurt but step back and see the rl as completely over. She has no hold over you any more if you don’t give her that. I’d be patient regarding this particular letter and see whether she contacts you by the end of the week or reach out yourself and pick it up. You know now this set up isn’t working.

[Bl8ckMamba24]

So the letter was regarding a mortgage which was ongoing with her address at the time as I needed a stable address so the mortgage had to be sent there as the company wouldn't change it, thankfully the solicitor element should be able to be changed. When we broke she said it was fine for me to use the address till completion of the mortgage process.

I lived with her for about 6 months of the relationship so not too long.

[basil67]

Have you considered that the letter may not have been delivered yet?  I posted something domestically on Nov 24 which just arrived yesterday

[Bl8ckMamba24]

23 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Have you considered that the letter may not have been delivered yet?  I posted something domestically on Nov 24 which just arrived yesterday

Hey, yeah I have also considered that I think it's just wanting to always know something you can't really know. I mean even the comment about me not wanting to talk to her anymore, it makes me feel guilty but it shouldn't and I know that but it does.

[glows]

The break up was just last month so it’s likely you’re still hurt and missing her. What you feel isn’t out of the ordinary. Try to be busy and when you feel yourself getting insecure and impatient, stop and do something else to think other thoughts. Don’t fall apart. At the soonest availability completely sever all ties and move on from this chapter. The relationship ended and the amount of time spent on her needs to end too.

Basil has a good point as well that postal service is slow this time of year. 
 

[ExpatInItaly]

At the of the day, does is matter why she behaves the way she does?

You two don't belong together and it seems that the answers to any of your questions won't change the bottom line. This relationship is toast and you need to sort out the logistics and let go (and get a new address where mail can be sent) 

It seems you both dive-bombed into this if you were only together 11 months yet lived together for 6. Slow down (way down) next time.