People who expect others to take care of them

[mortensorchid]

Has anyone ever encountered someone who expects others to take care of them?  I have met a few who seem to expect this out of not just their gf but others around them in general.  One was almost ridiculous - he had NOTHING (no bank accounts, phone, car, etc.) and he seemed to expect others to take care of him.  He seemed to live off the kindness of strangers around him, but that only goes so far after a while.  Another a while back broke it off with me because (I think) he wanted me to take care of him.  He mentioned the possibility of moving into my house but I resisted it, we had only been together for six months or so and he expected us to move in together.  He got another girlfriend in a few weeks afterward and moved in with her because he wanted to get out of his mother's house.  

When I have encountered people like this, I am immediately turned off.  Even when I was in my early / mid twenties I didn't like it because I knew they were users.  Has anyone ever encountered someone like this?  How do you think they got this way?  How do they think that they can go on and live only off the kindness of strangers all the time?  

[FMW]

Sure, I've met several.  I was really amazed when I met so many over the age of 50.  

How they got that way, who knows. The ones I've known have been good looking and charming and attracted plenty of women, including those willing to pay their way.  They think they can continue that way because so far there has always been someone else willing to take care of them, at least for a while.  

I got dumped once for a woman with a lot more money, nicer house and who was willing to pay for vacations and everything else.  It was a big blessing for me, it was a relationship I should never have been in. 

What you have to remember is that they really couldn't be that way if there weren't others who were willing and even happy to enable them.  Que Sera Sera.   

[glows]

You mean moochers? There’s plenty of that everywhere. That’s why there are things called boundaries and gtfo.

Good for you moving on from that person. I tend to think that sense of entitlement often starts young. 
 

Edited December 8, 2022 by glows

[mark clemson]

Yes - I've seen a few people like this.  They are good (IMO) at becoming burdens to those willing to enable/cater to their "needs."

There is such a thing as "learned helplessness", but actually I'm not convinced that some of these people aren't simply extremely manipulative and willing to ignore a certain level of degradation (from not taking care of themselves). So I don't think you're actually talking about that.

And TBH there are certainly folks who seem to enjoy the "caretaker" role.  So maybe both parties get something out of it, dunno.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

[lost-found]

On 12/7/2022 at 2:14 PM, mortensorchid said:

Has anyone ever encountered someone like this?  How do you think they got this way?  How do they think that they can go on and live only off the kindness of strangers all the time?  

People are like this because people enable them to be like this.  IMO it starts with guilt from someone in their lives and once it starts they do not want to stop in fear of hurting them and it comes back to the guilt again.  My brother is in this situation and will not stand up on his own 2 feet, but I feel it has a lot to do on the way we were raised.  I had the motivation early on in my life, but was held back in life.  My brother was content to ride the system and do the least amount posable to get by.