Not really sure how to feel

[Jimbabwe77]

This might be long so please forgive me. I just signed up for this website a few minutes ago because I'm going through a breakup which I never thought would happen. Me and my now ex were together for a little over 6 years and we lived together for most of it after we dated for a few months. Like any relationship, it had its ups and downs but a majority of the time it was good. Back in May of this year, I found out my Dad had terminal cancer and had no idea how long he would be around. In mid June I moved back in . The ex got mad at me for wanting to do this which was weird since she really liked my Dad. After I moved back to my parents, Me and her would video chat for quite awhile when I wasn't busy helping my Dad. My Dad passed away on July 2nd of this year on my grandma (Dads Mom) died 6 days later. She was here with me when my Dad died and helped me and my Mom take care of him. As you could imagine, this much loss in such a short period of time pretty much broke me.

After he passed, me and her seemed to be a little closer and I loved her even more for being there for me when my Dad died. Fairly shortly after my Dad died, she was in a rush for me to move back in with her, but I wasn't ready because I was trying to mourn the great losses I had. I would still go and stay with her on the weekends and sometimes even stay there for a couple weeks. When I wasn't there we would video chat most of the day. I really didn't want to leave my Mom by herself. She is 70 years old and would be by herself after losing her husband.

Now another fast forward to November of this year. She was still video chatting me multiple times per day up until mid November. On the 15th of November, she video chatted me and told me someone told her she has to move on with her life. I was trying to guess but everyone I thought of was wrong. She finally told me the guy she is seeing told her she has to move on with her life. I was obviously shocked and I hung up. She text me right after I hung up and ask why I did that. Turn out she was seeing this new guy while still video chatting me and would tell me to have sweet dreams and would sometimes say she loved me. After I found out about the new guy, I unfriended her on Facebook for obvious reasons. We are both in a Chihuahua owners group and I posted a picture of my dog. She just had to "Love" the picture and comment that she "misses him dearly." I'm trying to get over her and she has to do stupid stuff like that to what seems like rub it in my face. She is now blocked on Facebook. Her comment still shows on the picture even after being blocked for whatever reason.

She has 2 younger children who are a year apart in age. For some reason, the father of her children messaged me on Monday and told me the guys name. He usually does background check on people she dates to know if they might have a criminal record. This is understandable and he even did one on me when we first started dating in 2016. He's busy so he didn't have a chance to do one yet so I did one for him. What I found was pretty shocking. He is a registered sex offender in PA for Attempted Sexual Assault and Indecent Assault and is on the PA Megan's Law website for 10 years. He just registered in July.  They weren't against children but I still felt it would be right if I let him know immediately. He wasn't very happy and confronted her about it. Soon after, she called me flipping out saying I need to stay out of her business. She said I was lying and he showed her paperwork and it was "just" robbery and he grabbed her arm. IMHO, I don't think you would end up on Megan's Law website for robbery and grabbing someones arm. I don't ask people to spy on her because that won't help me get over her and move on. A mutual friend of ours messaged me today and said that she changed her relationship status to being in a relationship since November 2022. Since he is a convicted felon, he isn't allowed to have access to any guns. They have to be locked away so he can't get to them. She has 2 fully loaded handguns unlocked in her nightstand. I'm gonna let this one go because I think I did enough and keeping on isn't going to help me out. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this long winded post.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, you need to let this one go now. 

If she wants to mess up her own life, that's on her. She messed you around at the worst time in your life and decided to leave you for someone else. This isn't a woman who was going to be with you for the long haul. 

I am sorry for your losses. Take care of yourself now and have no further contact with your ex (or her ex) 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Jimbabwe77 said:

She has 2 younger children who are a year apart in age. For some reason, the father of her children messaged me on Monday and told me the guys name. 

Sorry this happened. She is correct that you need to stay out of it. If she wants a restraining order, she can obtain that . She and the father of the children are responsible for the children's safety. 

As far as your relationship, it seems it was over before you moved out. What kind of wackos she dates now is the father's concern as far as the safety of his children. If the father is so concerned, he wouldn't be contacting you, he would file for sole custody. It's unclear why you got caught up in this research about the new BF.

Edited December 9, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

I am sorry for the loss of your dad and grandmother. 

It’s over with this woman so don’t have anything to do with her again or any of her contacts.

Regarding your relationship it seems she perceived the end of it when you moved out. To be fair, her life changed drastically when you left to care for your family. Were there other issues in the relationship? How was your communication and were there trust issues or difficulty making plans for the future? Did you both discuss living together again while taking your mum into consideration? 

Death, loss and illness can change people and she might have sensed a change in you and your priorities. I think your ex and you were on separate paths and she didn’t understand or disagreed with the way things had changed. Have you also tried grief counselling or talking with your doctor about any feelings surrounding the loss of your father and how to cope with your aging mother? Does your mum have close friends and relatives nearby? 

I think this goes beyond what your ex is doing. It’s time to sever those relationships with her contacts too and take better care of you. The interest or concern about her life has to turn back towards you. Don’t be afraid asking for help and getting the support you need.

[Jimbabwe77]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. She is correct that you need to stay out of it. If she wants a restraining order, she can obtain that . She and the father of the children are responsible for the children's safety. 

As far as your relationship, it seems it was over before you moved out. What kind of wackos she dates now is the father's concern as far as the safety of his children. If the father is so concerned, he wouldn't be contacting you, he would file for sole custody. It's unclear why you got caught up in this research about the new BF.

I am staying out of it. It has nothing to do with me. I'm not exactly sure why I got caught up in this mess. I have cut out all contact with her. It's her life and I'm better off without all the drama

[Jimbabwe77]

13 hours ago, glows said:

I am sorry for the loss of your dad and grandmother. 

It’s over with this woman so don’t have anything to do with her again or any of her contacts.

Regarding your relationship it seems she perceived the end of it when you moved out. To be fair, her life changed drastically when you left to care for your family. Were there other issues in the relationship? How was your communication and were there trust issues or difficulty making plans for the future? Did you both discuss living together again while taking your mum into consideration? 

Death, loss and illness can change people and she might have sensed a change in you and your priorities. I think your ex and you were on separate paths and she didn’t understand or disagreed with the way things had changed. Have you also tried grief counselling or talking with your doctor about any feelings surrounding the loss of your father and how to cope with your aging mother? Does your mum have close friends and relatives nearby? 

I think this goes beyond what your ex is doing. It’s time to sever those relationships with her contacts too and take better care of you. The interest or concern about her life has to turn back towards you. Don’t be afraid asking for help and getting the support you need.

The relationship wasn't perfect, what relationship really is? Yes her life did change dramatically. She moved in the middle of October, and I spent quite a bit of money renting a a uhaul to pack her stuff in and buying the pipe to have her plumbing completely redone since the older copper pipe was broke in a 100 different places. As for the counseling, I don't think it would hurt to give that a try. With all the things happening this year, seeing a grief counselor couldn't make it worse.

[Jimbabwe77]

19 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, you need to let this one go now. 

If she wants to mess up her own life, that's on her. She messed you around at the worst time in your life and decided to leave you for someone else. This isn't a woman who was going to be with you for the long haul. 

I am sorry for your losses. Take care of yourself now and have no further contact with your ex (or her ex) 

I have zero contact with her, she is blocked on all of the social medias, I removed and blocked her number and deleted almost 7 years of text  messages between us. The more of the stuff that reminds me of her in my life, the better off I will be.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Jimbabwe77 said:

. I have cut out all contact with her. It's her life and I'm better off without all the drama

Yes. Great idea. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.