ther0ngw4y Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) Normally, I wouldn’t care. Love my best friend, he’s an adult, me and my ex dated lord, 6 years ago? We remained friends up until about a few months ago. but it gets really weird fast. Me and my best friend live together. Have for awhile. My ex and I aren’t on great terms - we used to be. Only as of maybe a month ago she admitted she is still in love with me. Months before that I told her off, blocked her, because she has a whole boyfriend who she has been with for years, who she lives with, and as of right now I believe is still in fact with him. I told her it wasn’t cool and she needs to take no for an answer. She couldn’t and persisted multiple times. she came back and apologized, I made it clear it’s not gonna happen. She tried again. Rinse and repeat. My bestie and her have been friends for years as well, basically the same friend group. He knows her antics, I vented to him about it on both occasions. And he had some choice words about her, and made it clear he didn’t trust her either. Now I wake up in the morning and she has been staying over at the house. Multiple days in a row. Don’t believe anything has happened, not that it’s any of my business. told him it made me uncomfy, her being in the house. He said she is his guest, and other stuff. I tried to take the moral high road, saying I’m not banning her but to respect my feelings and it’s just hella weird. multiple implications here. I have no will to be with her or feelings for the girl. I know her and her man are on the rocks, and she has been planning on leaving. Ironically enough, she immediatly started dating her ex after we split (he was self admittedly in love with her) , like a safety net - that was her best friend. I’m gathering she was attempting to do the same thing with me. best case scenario? Something really wrong is going on and he is trying to be a friend, which if it’s maybe a case of abuse or domestic? - sure. It’s not my business. Our house has always been a safe haven. worse case? She is a venemous snake looking for her next dude to jump on. She has a very poor reputation with alot of my friends for being just slimy and rude - and a drunk. either way - my feelings aren’t being respected. I’ve made it clear to my best friend she needs to leave me alone. I’ve been nice so far, I’m not a confrontational person, in fact my anxiety is so far thru the roof I think I’m in the wrong. but I have no interest staying there right now. it’s weird right? Or am I just alittle crazy? I’m already looking for another places to rent just to be safe. Somethin ain’t right. Edit; in addition, I’ve had one mutual friend who knows the whole story reach out me over a week ago they’ve been hanging out at the bar very late at night and it’s very strange behavior. My roomate has expressed she is attractive in the past. Like, if y’all wanna date good for you - but this ain’t the way to do it. Edited December 9, 2022 by ther0ngw4y Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 Your feeling of discomfort about having an ex in your home is completely understandable. Put that aside. As long as your lease does not contain any clauses limiting who can visit, your roommate (bestie) is free to invite anyone he chooses. The decision to change residences is a wise one. It's not your place to tell your friends who they can or cannot be friends with; you've already told them how you feel about him being friends with your ex. Unless his friendship with your ex is directly compromising your friendship with him or making your life or breakup much more traumatic than it has to be, you should probably drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 I agree that you should figure out what you need to do in order to move out. There's too much boundary crossing in this situation. Inasmuch as you cannot control your ex and your best friend, they are both showing you zero respect. And you have no way of knowing what their agenda is. Best to get yourself out of there soonest possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 3 hours ago, ther0ngw4y said: I wake up in the morning and she has been staying over at the house. Multiple days in a row. How long have you been roommates? You both need to be crystal clear on visitors and overnight guests. This isn't about still hating your exgf, this is about poor boundaries and communication with your roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) She can’t date you if you’re not interested. You’ve already told your friend as well you’re not interested. I do think it’s strange that you went from being friends to enemies in less than a month after claiming things were fine between the two of you all this time. It seems her relationship troubles have triggered severe anxiety for you in the way it reminds you of how your relationship with her ended and you do have a low opinion of her afterall mixed perhaps with conflicted feelings about her. Her coming to you or pursing you while with your friend disgusted you but do you still have feelings for her? I ask as the force of your thoughts seem quite strong and so are your emotions. If you had moved on this may be annoying but not as upsetting to this level. Why assume she’s out to get you? Home is a refuge. Ironically you mentioned “safe haven” and yet you appear to feel anything but due to high anxiety and these strong emotions. I’d be honest with myself about where I stand in regards to this ex and whether there are still latent feelings there, what home means to you or peace of mind. Maybe sharing a place isn’t an option and it’s an opportunity to grow forwards, move on from these friendships and find new ones. Be around people who inspire you not remind you of venomous snakes. I wouldn’t care what these people are doing. Go on and be interested in creating more of a life you enjoy and love living. Edited December 9, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 It seems there is something brewing between your ex and your best friend, OP. It's clear as mud, actually. I would focus on getting a new place to live and finding new friends. This one doesn't actually sound so great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ther0ngw4y Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: It seems there is something brewing between your ex and your best friend, OP. It's clear as mud, actually. I would focus on getting a new place to live and finding new friends. This one doesn't actually sound so great. This. Thumbs up 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 This 'best friend' isn't a friend at all. He is disrespectful of your feelings. He is also too stupid to realise she is using him just to try and get to you. Move to a new place and don't tell either of them where. Link to post Share on other sites
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