ms.stressed Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 Is that weird? I see so many people saying, "Oh so and so is great! They have a close family, they're close with their friends..." things that require them to be inauthentic...and I've always been the black sheep...My momma raised us to be individuals and if my momma was not happy, she would leave. She moved us away from everyone...and it was us...and I got used to that. We all sort of did. My momma never raised us to be inauthentic, especially to please people she didn't like or anyone. Is that okay? I'm single and I don't want anyone to think I'm weird because I live alone and I like to be alone. I'm okay with it, but I wonder, if I"m weird because I prefer solitude over groups. Am I the only one out there?? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 I love to be alone. I was the youngest and only girl in my family. I was used to entertaining myself and spent a lot of time alone. I lived alone for a time before I met and married my husband. I think there's something wrong with people who cannot be alone but to each his own. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 15 minutes ago, ms.stressed said: I see so many people saying, "Oh so and so is great! They have a close family, they're close with their friends..." things that require them to be inauthentic.. Why does having a close family and friends require a person to be inauthentic? Or do I misunderstand your comment? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: Why does having a close family and friends require a person to be inauthentic? Or do I misunderstand your comment? No, you didn't...it just feels that way sometimes...when I look at friends and their family...some of them are abusive...and they just take it. I don't know if they're used to it, because I've read about patterns of abuse...or they're inauthentic, which I see more than most. I don't like anything fake...and I see it. You how people laugh uncomfortably or look sad to be around someone...that's not authentic to me...so I leave...because I'm not happy, because I'm mad...and that means more to me than anything, lol! And my mommy would come to me and talk to me as she brushed my hair. We were allowed to be ourselves..and to express ourselves and that, to me, seems more real, more authentic, than staying around people just to be kind or liked. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 2 hours ago, ms.stressed said: No, you didn't...it just feels that way sometimes...when I look at friends and their family...some of them are abusive...and they just take it. What about the friends their family who are loving and respectful to each other and that's why they are so close? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable but there’s also something to be said about having the tenacity to be yourself and still exist harmoniously, differently, in a crowd and get along with everyone. Not everyone has to like you but you do practice mutual respect. You choose your company and live your life according to your own values and practices. As long as you’re not harming anyone, no, you are not a bad person and something isn’t wrong with you because you don’t spend large amounts of time with others. If you’re in an abusive situation, leave. I wouldn’t call the abused in an abusive relationship inauthentic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 (edited) On 12/9/2022 at 4:52 PM, ms.stressed said: I don't like anything fake...and I see it. You how people laugh uncomfortably or look sad to be around someone...that's not authentic to me...so I leave...because I'm not happy, because I'm mad...and that means more to me than anything, lol! And my mommy would come to me and talk to me as she brushed my hair. We were allowed to be ourselves..and to express ourselves and that, to me, seems more real, more authentic, than staying around people just to be kind or liked. One can express their feelings and still have authentic relationships with others. In fact, I would say that expressing your feelings is more authentic than leaving a social situation whenever you feel uncomfortable. That said, there is a time and a place for everything. It’s not always appropriate to express your feelings and we all come to learn this social etiquette as we mature. Learning how to engage with others and negotiate all different kinds of social situations is part of life. Relationships are difficult for people who lack these kind of social skills and and understanding of social etiquette. This from a total introvert, someone who loves to be alone - but is very capable of conversing and building relationships with just about anyone… On 12/9/2022 at 4:14 PM, ms.stressed said: She moved us away from everyone...and it was us...and I got used to that. I’m curious, what do you mean by this? Did you physically move to different places? Did she isolate you from others? Just curious. Edited December 12, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted December 19, 2022 Author Share Posted December 19, 2022 On 12/11/2022 at 10:33 PM, BaileyB said: One can express their feelings and still have authentic relationships with others. In fact, I would say that expressing your feelings is more authentic than leaving a social situation whenever you feel uncomfortable. That said, there is a time and a place for everything. It’s not always appropriate to express your feelings and we all come to learn this social etiquette as we mature. Learning how to engage with others and negotiate all different kinds of social situations is part of life. Relationships are difficult for people who lack these kind of social skills and and understanding of social etiquette. This from a total introvert, someone who loves to be alone - but is very capable of conversing and building relationships with just about anyone… I’m curious, what do you mean by this? Did you physically move to different places? Did she isolate you from others? Just curious. She moved from my grandparents, to an apartment on her own, and yes, she kept us from other people. We were sheltered. We had friends, but it was very distant. Expressing myself in relationships has been difficult to say the least, because we always had my momma or each other and my momma didn't make us socialize a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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