Saw her after 18 years

[PSYNTAX ERROR]

I would appreciate if any one would be willing to help me with my predicament.

I am 37 years old male, married to a beautiful women. 

I was 18 then and I fell in love with an amazing girl, we thought we were going to grow old together until, she was forced to marry some other guy by her parents and she didn’t quite give it a fight, she completely ghosted me and perhaps got married to this other guy.

Since we had a common circle of friends, as we grew up in a small town, I learned couple of years back that she got divorced and had a daughter who was perhaps 12 years old. She has now come back to stay at her old house again with her parents.

I was out with my wife at a local pub having a good time. I saw, she waked passed me by, not sure if she saw me. She looked as if she never aged a day. She was beautiful. I didn’t leave the place, I finished my food and drinks and while I was going home, we both pretty much stepped out from the bar at the same time, I didn’t make an eye contact with her, I took time to put on a sound in the audio system of my car and I drove passed by.

Again today, I was taking care of some business on the street, I saw her strolling with her pet dog. She got to a distance and noticeably identified my car, she stood there looked at me and walked off.

I saw her before she saw me, I did think of going upto her and having a word but I did not.

A bit of background, I had a tough time getting over her, I was broken and it took me many years to get my head together. I had secretly always thought of having / wanting that one opportunity to have a last conversation with her for a closure. I had 2 chances, I didn’t speak to her either time.

2 reasons for not speaking to her:

A. I did not know how she would react.

B. I don’t want to jeopardise my marriage with my lovely wife, who loves me so much and takes care of me.

Did I do the right thing by not having a conversation with her either time?

If I see her again, should I reach out to speak to her?

I have been thinking about her for the last entire week, the good times we had together are flashing back. I am not feeling well, any help would be appreciated.

 

 

Edited December 10, 2022 by PSYNTAX ERROR

[basil67]

3rd reason of why you shouldn't speak to her:   She may have zero interest in having a conversation with you, let alone giving you closure.   Closure is something you give yourself.  In your case, it would be accepting that both of you have moved on and you've got a lovely wife.

[Alpacalia]

Perhaps it's a case of lost youth?

Embraced by the innocence of fairytale romance, the illusion of unfulfilled dreams exacerbated by unnecessary disappointment and resentment.

Then. This is really about you, not about her.

I'd imagine the reason she haunts you is because of what she represents, not who they truly are – and certainly not if you haven’t been with her for years. Is there a feeling that your marriage isn't as good as it could be? It's just a matter of finding out what you are truly craving and adding meaning to your life so that the future has more reason to be optimistic. It's really sometimes the only way to defuse the explosive power they have for you. 

[glows]

It’s possible she didn’t share the same feelings or thoughts about you at 18 or her parents warned her to stay away from you hence the ghosting back then and not much hesitation marrying someone else.

I agree closure comes from within, not from her. She dumped you ages ago and ghosted you. Although it may be clear to outsiders how disinterested she really was you may be in denial and continuing to believe it meant more than it did to her. 

I’d figure out whether your marriage is on the rocks and consider that your wife may be aware of this person in town. If your wife is as attuned to you or as “lovely” I’m 100% certain she’ll pick up on this one way or another.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, PSYNTAX ERROR said:

If I see her again, should I reach out to speak to her? the good times we had together are flashing back.

It's fine to have nostalgia and romanticize a highschool sweetheart. However approaching her is inappropriate. 

It's possible that you morn your carefree youth and this is a walking reminder of that.  Although cliche, this seems more like midlife crisis 

Everyone reminisces the "glory days", that's fine, but don't act on it.

[LuckyM]

On 12/9/2022 at 7:58 PM, Alpacalia said:

Perhaps it's a case of lost youth?

Embraced by the innocence of fairytale romance, the illusion of unfulfilled dreams exacerbated by unnecessary disappointment and resentment.

Then. This is really about you, not about her.

I'd imagine the reason she haunts you is because of what she represents, not who they truly are – and certainly not if you haven’t been with her for years. Is there a feeling that your marriage isn't as good as it could be? It's just a matter of finding out what you are truly craving and adding meaning to your life so that the future has more reason to be optimistic. It's really sometimes the only way to defuse the explosive power they have for you. 

Agree. . I have had a crush on a married woman that long and she has no interest in me, probably. No talk or meeting in 10 years.  To me she represents what I have missed  out on in my life,  incarnate as I am unmarried. An unlikely fantasy only.

But you have a lovely wife. Try not to look back. The "grass is not greener."

You could send her a xmas card. Sign your name only, first and last. No address or phone. I am thinking of doing this with lady I mentioned.

[Foxhall]

 

 

On 12/10/2022 at 12:10 AM, PSYNTAX ERROR said:

B. I don’t want to jeopardise my marriage with my lovely wife, who loves me so much and takes care of me.

this should be your main priority ,

I agree though it is nice to reminisce about the former love, 

Personally I would make contact with the other girl- at the end of the day she always holds a special place in your heart, and I would be unable to resist satisfying my curiosity,

the advice of the others is probably the better advice however.

 

 

[JTSW]

Nope, don't go there.

She clearly has no interest in interacting with you.

Just put her out of your mind and concentrate on your own life.

Think of your wife and how she would feel about this.