MadeOfMetal Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 (edited) In as few words as possible, I am almost 50, happily married 22 years, 15-year-old special-needs daughter. 6 months ago we hired an 18-year-old nanny. I was INTENSELY attracted to the nanny. 6 months later I still am, not much has changed. My wife made it clear to me about 4 months ago that she knew exactly how I felt about the nanny and was going to send her away if I didn't quit acting so weird around her. The topic has not come up again so I guess I'm acting more normal around here. Trust me, my wife is the type of person who would tell me IMMEDIATELY if there was a problem - she does NOT tell people what they want to hear.Our nanny just re-upped her contract and is likely to be with us for a long time. [] I have to fight the temptation to look at her inappropriately. There have been at LEAST 3 times in the last 6 months she has DEFINITELY caught me looking at her inappropriately. I'd have to be naive to think there weren't others. I'm just venting but if anyone has been in the same situation or has any advice I'd love to entertain it. Thanks, MadeOfMetal Edited December 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Inappropriate for forum Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Replace the nanny. Tell your wife you are still having inappropriate thoughts, if you must, and need to terminate her contract. But she has got to go. It would be best for the nanny too, because sooner or later you are going to make her uncomfortable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Yes, easy answer: She needs to go. I'm not sure why you hired someone who was impossible for you to deal with being around, much less renew her contract. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 I agree fire the nanny and let your wife select the next one. Either that or let your wife hire a hot pool boy so she has something to mack on in front of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadeOfMetal Posted December 19, 2022 Author Share Posted December 19, 2022 Thoughts on this situation will be appreciated. There's this person who for some reason decided my existence is not a thing with her. When I walk into the room she doesn't even lift her head. If I'm in a room that she walks into she doesn't even acknowledge my presence in the room. In the 6 months I've "known" her I can count on my fingers the number of times she's spoken to me without my speaking to her first. I can count on my fingers the number of times she's said "Thank You" to me even though I've done her countless favors. I don't see her acting this way around anyone else - everybody else I know seems to love her and talk behind her back about what a great person she is, and I'm like, well that's great that she's so nice to YOU. There are two problems: 1. I have to see this person almost every day, sometimes 2, 3, or 4 times a day, and my ability to tolerate her snooty attitude towards me declines with frequency 2. She could very well be the single most PHYSICALLY attractive human being I've ever met. I might be exaggerating, but she's in the top 10 for sure. It is insane how physically attracted I am to that person who I emotionally don't even like. I often literally have biological responses when she walks into the room. She clearly KNOWS exactly how attractive she is. She posts bikini photos all over social media. She frequently has her phone pointed at her face. Often when I have to be around her it's not a professional situation so she'll be wearing sexy outfits like tight jeans and a tight shirt or pajamas or spandex shorts and a haltertop. I most definitely DON'T want to give her the satisfaction of catching me checking her out but I when I have to fight that temptation 30 times a day I'm going to fall to it once or twice a day, I can't help it. Here's arguably the worst part of the story: A few weeks ago I saw her kiss a man. I was devastated by jealousy. I was so confused, yes, she's very attractive and has a sexy, kissable mouth (she even has a sexy tongue for crying out loud - she stuck it out at me when I told her a bad joke once), but I don't even like her, how/why is she affecting me so much? I want that "person" (I'd use a different word if we were talking face to face) out of my head so I can move on with my life. Constructive thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 (edited) 12 minutes ago, MadeOfMetal said: I often literally have biological responses when she walks into the room. Is this a coworker? Or the teen nanny? Unfortunately you'll have to deal with this crush in a quiet manner. Be polite and professional and that's it. She's not doing this to deliberately taunt you, so you'll have to keep your eyes on the road, so to speak. Focus on your marriage so you have better sexual outlets than whatever physiological responses you're having when she walks around. Edited December 19, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 If she works for you fire her. If not, stop looking, speaking or giving her any attention. She ignores you because you creep her out. She knows you're crazy about her and she doesn't like it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 (edited) Why is it her problem if you have “biological reactions” to her? Since most of your interactions are not in the professional realm, mingle with other people or just don’t turn up for these events. She may not want to have anything to do with you and she’s also entitled to that. Don’t go to these or change your company. You keep doing the same thing over and over again doing her favours and turning up to these events hoping for a change. The problem is you not changing your approach and simply going in a different direction. No one owes you a hello or conversation. It’s rude, yes, but she may have her reasons why she avoids you. Your job is to take the hint and move on. Edited December 19, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 I'm assuming this is your nanny. Frankly it sounds like you are about to blow up and do something you won't be able to undo; your anger seems out of control. You need to let her go. You might need to offer her some kind of severance pay since from the sound of it she's performing her nanny duties fine. Her only crime is being attractive to you. So figure out how to do it and get it done. If this isn't your nanny, I have to suggest that you get some professional help. Having your huge hard on for the nanny along with another woman and being a married dad at the same time is really not going to work for much longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 As someone else told you here a while ago. Tell your wife your feelings for the Nanny and tell her to fire her. The way you're acting sooner or later you're going to get yourself in trouble over her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 Do what we suggested in your last thread - dismiss her from her Nanny position. She's a teenager, for heaven's sake. And you are married. You need to cut it out before you land yourself in hot water. Link to post Share on other sites
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