Is this really a romantic relationship?

[anonymous05]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 how you will feel when he eventually stops making plans to see you because he's found a girlfriend. 

I know thats going to be a terrible phase. But I guess thats the blow I am waiting for to let him go forever. One of the reasons that we are still involved this way because he or me is not dating anyone else. He is also not even looking (thats what he mentioned to me). As per him, he is not ready yet for someone else.

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like sort of a long distance FWB situation. 

Yeah, didnt want to call it a FWB thing but yes thats what it has become now.

46 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What do you mean by "no public acceptance"? Are either of you in other relationships? Are you from different cultures or backgrounds? 

 

By that I meant, we have not made any appearance as a couple in public. Not with any mutual friends hanging out or with any of our individual friend or work circles. We are actually from same culture and background. If this had gone further, we would not have got into any issue with families..lol

[Alpacalia]

Your continued engagement in this is a disservice to your own self-esteem when you are still so hung up on him. There is nothing more to it than a temporary release from past pain.

Changing your habit of being attached to one of letting go is your challenge. Until you can find a way to replace the habit of being attached to something else you will remain stuck in the same loop.

[JTSW]

So what's the future goal here?

Do you want a relationship with him?

It's clear that you love him.

Does he know how you feel? 

Has he said what he wants?

[justwhoiam]

You know what you're doing is wrong but you don't feel like giving it up. I get it. What I am doing is probably wrong too for most people, but love knows no boundaries... So where should you draw the line? Feelings should be mutual, and in your case they are not.

Pros of being with him: temporary up (sex, satisfaction, peace)

Cons of being with him: missing out on finding a guy you can fall for and who will be in love with you (making it mutual, extending those up feelings for longer than just the brief moments you got used to), feeling used, feeling lonely, missing a guy who's not there with you when you most need him, suck it up whenever you realize you don't have a partner rather just the dream of one, damaged self-esteem which could potentially turn into feeling submissive and just surrending to any of his whims (you are so weak you couldn't say NO multiple times) and in the worst scenario exposing yourself to the risk of rape (yep, women who are unable to say no for years are at risk of getting into a bad cycle and lifestyle, just like you are showing now by your decisions), being less attractive to keepers (men looking for a steady relationship) due to your low self-esteem/lack of confidence or simply because you're still stuck in a dead-end affair, regretting not getting out of it sooner when you'll feel time went by and you have no boyfriend/husband/family, feeling frustrated when the holidays come (being Valentine's, Christmas, summer vacation, you name it) and you have no one to share that with, getting depressed and maybe ending up needing medication or some other treatment that will also hurt your pocket on top of everything.

That in a nutshell. If you think I overdid it, think again. I've been around this forum for 12 years, long enough to see so many scenarios that honestly I surely left some of the cons out.

That said, as others mentioned, life is yours. Yours are the decisions. You can only blame yourself for them.

But if you'll ever read this: as soon as you wake up, just think of your day ahead and how you can improve your overall situation. Things might change completely for the better if you were willing to turn the situation upside down (cut ties with that guy you're casually hooking up with, no he's not a friend with benefits as he never proved being a friend). Remember people are here to share their thoughts in your best interest and not the contrary.