Mixed feelings

[robaday]

I left an employer a little while back due to stress related to overwhelming workload. I was covering two jobs alongside my own one of which I was unqualified for which had a huge amount of problems. There was a total absence of support at the company and I was left to deal with this issue at a critical time in its operation. I worked excessive hours (some 70 hours a week) for several months but it took its toll on my mental and physical health and there were several nights I vomited due to anxiety. When resigning I tried to encourage the CEO to recruit more staff so this would not happen again and he made a comment that I could not hack it in the industry. 

I am the first to admit I was not performing well by this point and that I could not handle the workload. But his comment has stayed with me and stings given I had a nervous breakdown due to an unmanageable workload, rather than stress associated with the work itself. How can I move forward? I have another job and I am trying to get on with my life but I dont want someone else to go through what I went through.

[glows]

It’s good you’re out of there and working on another job. 

Like any unhealthy relationship, over means over. You quit and left so no need to keep worrying over an old place that didn’t seem to appreciate you or the work you did. That was incredibly unprofessional of your boss to insinuate that you were beneath the work or “couldn’t hack it”. Leaders inspire others even when a job isn’t a good fit. They don’t trample over people like this and demoralize as they also know how small the world really is and people talk. It’s foolish to be speaking that way in an exit interview.

Maybe you over-worry about others because no one looked out for you. All that stops right now as you’re in the middle of a transition. 

Take care of yourself. Don’t worry about people you don’t even know.

[JTSW]

The CEO would rather believe that you couldn't handle it rather than admit they were putting way too much on you.

Don't worry yourself about it any longer.

If they overwork other people in the future then they too will leave.

They will end up with a bad rep.

Let them dig their own hole and bury themselves.

Relax and enjoy your much less stressful life.

 

[robaday]

Thank you for the encouragement, that really helped. I recently heard from a former colleague they are recruiting three people to cover off the work I was doing, which both makes me feel vindicated but also makes me a little jealous of the new hires who won't have to go through what I had to go through. 

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, robaday said:

Thank you for the encouragement, that really helped. I recently heard from a former colleague they are recruiting three people to cover off the work I was doing, which both makes me feel vindicated but also makes me a little jealous of the new hires who won't have to go through what I had to go through. 

I'm glad they followed through on what you suggested and hope you're doing much better than before.

Regarding your jealousy of the new hires, it's a bit ironic but I think I can understand where it's coming from. It may be something to do with the fact that you didn't advocate for yourself earlier and nobody else advocated for you either. So you may feel like you're not important enough for anyone to make an effort for you. That's really just your low self-esteem talking. Rest assured, you won't always feel that way. As you recover from your terrible experience, you will start to feel better about yourself.

Going forward, make sure you know how to set healthy boundaries so that, if your employer starts to violate them, you can protect yourself/remove yourself from the situation sooner, before serious harm is done.

[robaday]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I actually took a slightly more junior job after leaving so I could rebuild my confidence and get more centred again, it's a 12 month contract which I am really enjoying so far, and I'd look to take on more senior roles again again after. So far I haven't had to stay later than an hour a day to finish my work so I think my previous negative experience will pay off in future roles as I was somehow working 15 odd hours at times without a break. 

[glows]

Are you sure senior roles are a good option if they were stressing you out or causing you to work those hours? Forget what society says or what seems more prestigious or old ways of thinking because that’s what led you on this new path. You have 12 months to rethink everything and maybe create a new way to approach work and even perhaps a new approach to life.

Take a look at what actually improves your standard of life. Are you living well? Do you wake up with a spring in your step and hours and hours to do as you wish? Do you also live without constant pressure and stress weighing on you? Is your mind freed up to try new things? Do you laugh more? Have more time to engage with family or friends or think creatively? 

These kinds of changes can be tough but it can also be a huge gift. Life is showing you another way to live. Are you going to explore a new way or go back to old ways?

[robaday]

Those are all valid questions. Regarding senior positions, there are things I learnt from the experience that will help me in future, but I needed this time to step away to look at them objectively - boundaries, maintaining my exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, being more assertive. Granted the role did seriously harm my health, I haven't been quite the same since but I know that most comparable roles will likely not have quite the same level of challenges I experienced (staff shortages, limited support for new employees, a toxic leadership that criticised staff in front of others). But you are right. I am thinking the role I am in now is more senior to the one I had before my previous one, but less senior than my previous one so will allow me to develop at a steadier pace....

No, I am not happy in other areas of my life but I am trying to make changes. I started swimming daily after leaving my last job and am taking the time to connect with my friends in a deeper way. But still work to do there too. 

[glows]

Swimming is great exercise. Good for you also taking the time to reconnect with friends. Work/life balance is extremely important. 

This may be a big adjustment. Some jobs are not worth the extra pay or title. You can also look at another industry altogether or explore other options like night classes working on another skill set.