deepthinking Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 I know a couple who have a 4 year old little girl. The dad has a female friend, Fine so far, except that he meets the female friend for a drink, and leaves his little girl and her mother at home. A glorified baby-sitter. Is this fair? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 A mother is a parent - not a glorified baby-sitter. As to whether or not it's fair, that would depend on a what type of agreement the couple has about socialising Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 There’s too little info and context to know what’s fair and we may never know as you’re neither of them, only an outsider looking in. What are your thoughts? And does any of this bother you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted December 13, 2022 Author Share Posted December 13, 2022 (edited) I have seen the same set-up in another couple, but just from the man-who-goes-out's pov. so that is the only context I have. He goes drinking and so either A/she gets a chance to do her nails/hair. B/she feels like a spare part, lonely C/he has an emotional affair going on D/ the lonely mom gets an affair going E/ any combo of what has already been said F/ he goes out - so what? Edited December 13, 2022 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 You have no idea what goes on behind their closed doors. They may have an open relationship, who knows. This woman may be a relative/close friend. My point is, it's nothing to do with you. Its not for you to question or worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 2 hours ago, deepthinking said: I have seen the same set-up in another couple, but just from the man-who-goes-out's pov. so that is the only context I have. He goes drinking and so either A/she gets a chance to do her nails/hair. B/she feels like a spare part, lonely C/he has an emotional affair going on D/ the lonely mom gets an affair going E/ any combo of what has already been said F/ he goes out - so what? G/ she gets a turn to go out with her friends when he’s with the child. Not everything is about sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 2 hours ago, deepthinking said: I have seen the same set-up in another couple, but just from the man-who-goes-out's pov. so that is the only context I have. He goes drinking and so either A/she gets a chance to do her nails/hair. B/she feels like a spare part, lonely C/he has an emotional affair going on D/ the lonely mom gets an affair going E/ any combo of what has already been said F/ he goes out - so what? It’s things like this that start rumours unfortunately. We just don’t know enough about someone else’s relationship without either in the couple speaking firsthand for themselves. All of these are speculative. I can see why someone would tend to feel apologetic and sorry for the mother or wife at home. It appears as if she’s left behind. It may very well be true that the relationship lacks honesty or he’s cheating or blurring the lines. We don’t know. Assuming right away without a doubt that she’s a “glorified babysitter” does rob them both of any integrity and most of all the mother in her autonomy if let’s say she chose to stay at home and she’s not lonely, glorified or babysitting anyone - she’s a parent who has chosen to stay home in agreement with her partner. I think it’s important not to write out the mother’s agency in this scenario or assume right away it has to do with maintaining her looks. I definitely see how this can appear uncomfortable and lead one to think what you’re thinking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 The question is for the mother to answer, not us. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 I have been left alone tending the kids while my wife goes on business trips for several days. She has done the same for me. It can be looked at as a nice opportunity to do something a little different and/or get some quality time in with just you and the kids. A different "vibe". So not necessarily negative, although it could be potentially. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted December 16, 2022 Share Posted December 16, 2022 Are you that mother or his friend? Are you talking about yourself here? If that is not you, then I would suggest for you to try not to get involved too much into their private life. A main thing is how a mother of his child is feeling. Sounds to me that she knows where he is going and who he is going with. And she might be totally fine with whoever he goes out for drinks. She needs to speak up if she has some objections. But I would suggest that since you hardly know these people, you should not butt into their business. They can decide what is fair or not without any outside interferences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted December 16, 2022 Author Share Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, Alvi said: Are you that mother or his friend? Are you talking about yourself here? If that is not you, then I would suggest for you to try not to get involved too much into their private life. A main thing is how a mother of his child is feeling. Sounds to me that she knows where he is going and who he is going with. And she might be totally fine with whoever he goes out for drinks. She needs to speak up if she has some objections. But I would suggest that since you hardly know these people, you should not butt into their business. They can decide what is fair or not without any outside interferences. Not about me or a friend, the question is in the General Relationship section of Loveshack to gauge public opinion. [ ] [It's a] perfectly innocent question. Edited December 16, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 16, 2022 Share Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) It's not a perfectly innocent question; you have given no details and put a major load of your own personal value judgement on it by saying his wife is a "glorified baby sitter." Obviously you have some kind of skin in this game, and it's almost certainly inappropriate for you to do so. ALL the people who have replied to your post are asking you in one way or the other "what's this to you"? Edited December 16, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted December 20, 2022 Author Share Posted December 20, 2022 (edited) On 12/17/2022 at 7:01 AM, NuevoYorko said: It's not a perfectly innocent question; you have given no details and put a major load of your own personal value judgement on it by saying his wife is a "glorified baby sitter." Obviously you have some kind of skin in this game, and it's almost certainly inappropriate for you to do so. ALL the people who have replied to your post are asking you in one way or the other "what's this to you"? Just asking what others think. [ ] Edited December 20, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 On 12/13/2022 at 2:13 AM, glows said: There’s too little info and context to know what’s fair and we may never know as you’re neither of them, only an outsider looking in. What are your thoughts? And why does any of this bother you? Added to @glowsquestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted December 24, 2022 Author Share Posted December 24, 2022 On 12/21/2022 at 9:26 PM, introverted1 said: Added to @glowsquestion. Not bothered so much as curious about what others think. Link to post Share on other sites
newlywedder Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 I think he may be having an emotional affair if not sexual with this woman. It’s none of your business, however, unless this is your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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