Mel1203 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 Help! So I need help not judgement as I already know it’s not a great situation. so I’ve been in a relationship for about a year, never felt 100% in it but I do love them I’m just broken from previous relationships so takes a lot for me to feel fully in! anyway I’ve recently started talking to someone outside of the relationship and there were no intentions just friendly but now I’m seeing them as a possible option. I don’t want to leave my current relationship because I love spending time with them the plans we’ve made and their family are lush but I just feel like it’s not it. With Christmas coming up I want to sort it all before but I really don’t know what to do. just looking for people who have maybe been in a similar situation and can help as I’m back and forth constantly in my mind. i don’t want to hurt either person but know I’m currently risking losing both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mel1203 Posted December 13, 2022 Author Share Posted December 13, 2022 Also would like to say there has been nothing but talking but I feel dreadful already. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 19 hours ago, Mel1203 said: Also would like to say there has been nothing but talking but I feel dreadful already. Try to view the whole thing as a sign that you are uneasy about your primary relationship. You seem to be turning elsewhere for comfort or other missing aspects. Reflect why you stay and if it is reparable or if you need to find a way out. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Seeing someone else as an option is a sign that your primary relationship isn't in good shape. That can either be because you're not really compatible, or because you are not ready to settle down to one person. It's normal to find others attractive and pleasant to be around, but actually considering them as an option can very easily lead to infidelity. You need to decide whether or not you want to fully commit to your relationship or move on. If you love your partner, don't hold on to him while you are straying, emotionally or physically. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 On 12/13/2022 at 2:21 PM, Mel1203 said: So I’ve been in a relationship for about a year, never felt 100% in it but I do love them I’m just broken from previous relationships so takes a lot for me to feel fully in! Have you considered that this is the real problem instead of choosing either person? Start healing and not looking for outside affirmations that you’re loveable and likeable. Your self worth doesn’t come from your relationships but from within you. It doesn’t come from “lush” lifestyles but your own convictions and values. Maybe look within and do some soul searching. Your partner, this other person, whoever - you’re at risk of repeating the same cycles over and over and over again feeling infatuated and riding a high but not ever being grounded in your choices or happy with who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 There are problems in your relationship that you need to address. You say have never felt really "in" it with your current partner, so why did you start a relationship? I ask because maybe you liked the idea of a partner more than the partner themselves. Perhaps you've convinced yourself this is because of a bad history - or maybe you're just not that into them and aren't there for the right reasons. I would say that this new person you're talking to is the sign that you need to re-evalute your true feelings, and whether you need to part ways. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 You said you're broken from previous relationships. You are not ready to be in any relationships right now. You need to focus on you and seek therapy to establish where you want your life to go. It sounds like you really don't know what you want, so why make things complicated with bringing another person into the mix? It's messing up your head. Take a break from both and re-evaluate your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 I recommend you distance yourself from both parties. It might turn out you don't want to be with any of them, but find yourself in need of a more fulfilling independent life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 (edited) On 12/13/2022 at 4:21 PM, Mel1203 said: i don’t want to hurt either person but know I’m currently risking losing both. Unfortunately, somebody is going to get hurt and there is not much you can do about that. If you act with kindness and integrity, you can minimize the hurt. Your partner will deal with it… Continuing in your current relationship while exploring other options is the most hurtful thing you can do. If you are not “all-in” your current relationship, you owe it to that person to end it. Edited December 18, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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