What happened in my situationship off of hinge

[KingOfNY]

Good afternoon y’all, I’m here to talk about a situationship I was in almost 7 months ago. Just want to let y’all know first and foremost that I know the relationship with me and this girl is done and I’m not working to get her back, I have let her go but the thought of her still hurts and I’m just basically am here to vent and see what you guys think.

So here I go. I met this girl 21 year old off of hinge for a hook up. I was a 25 year old male, background on her she was dorming at a school near where I lived. She was in her last semester in college and was about to move back home 2 hours away. So I’ve realized I am at a point in my life where I want something more than a quick hook up I really would like a relationship which I have never been in.  But this hook up was supposed to be just a quickie. So we met and had sex when we first met. After and before I left her dorm I ask if she would want to meet and repeat this day the following day. She said yes and we did that same thing the following day. I saw potential in this girl. She was just my type, smart pretty and seemed like she had her head on her shoulders… But I noticed she was very reluctant to add me on Snapchat which was a little red flag for me because why not add me on Snapchat? But eventually she did but I saw her snap score and she did not use Snapchat really at all which is another red flag bc what college girl doesn’t use Snapchat chat these days, but at first I saw it all as green flags I kinda liked that she wasn’t big on social media..

I also noticed she had a lot of scars where she used to cut herself, I asked her about it and she told me that yes she used to cut her self but I didn’t want to push that conversation .. the following weekend we planned to hangout again at her dorm again, this time she said she didn’t want to have sex with me. I was fine with that because I kinda wanted to get to know her just not have sex with her. So I went there just in thoughts that we were just going to watch a movie… but when I got there it was like she couldn’t keep her hands off of me and within a hour we were having sex. We had sex until 5am that night. I had a great time and the sex just seemed to get better and better every time we did it.

After a great night and I was about too leave we were kissing and hugging and in the middle of that she stopped and said that she doesn’t want to hurt me.. telling me she’s just looking for a hook up partner and nothing serious because she would be graduating school soon and she doesn’t know where she’s going to be in life after she graduated. She also said I move too fast and that I am too lovey dovie and that she is not at all. And that she liked her space.. which in hindsight I was love bombing her a little bc she seemed like a good fit. So I backed off after that conversation a little and next thing I know I have her texting me saying she wants to hang out before she goes home for midterms. So mid week we went for lunch and hung out before she went home. We didn’t not hook up.

Next thing I know thats when the phone calls started, she had asked me what would i expect from a girl if I was serious with them and I told her I would like to hear from a girl I was taking too seriously once a day, so she went home after midterms and she started calling me everyday day at night. We started to get to really know eachother through those phone calls, we did have one conflict over our views on covid, it was like she completely shut down because she took that subject seriously since she was in the health field. It was like I was talking on the phone to myself for a hour before she would answer me.. In hindsight another red flag, but after that everything was great.

When she got back to school from break things were electric. We hung out every weekend, the sex was just getting better and better an now I’m sleeping over and she’s starting to sleep at my place. But there was a couple red flags now that I look at it. She was starting to point out some flaws I have. First she pointed out my posture which I do have bad posture in general which I am currently working on lol. Also I come up with nicknames for everything and everyone lol which is a trait of mine that I like.  After we spent a night together I came up with a nickname for her just trying to be cute and she hated it. And to not do that anymore..

Lastly one night I went over her place after she bailed on a dinner date I wanted to take her on. She bailed on me a hour before we were going to go on our first dinner date saying she doesn’t feel good . So I ignore her and went out drinking with my friends and she double texts me say she still wants to see me. So I tell her I’ll be over her place at a certain time since I’m out drinking with my friends now. I end up being 20 min late to her place and she was pissed bc of it. Which she later tells me ,I also bring a six pack with me bc I was drinking now. As time goes on I ask her if she wants a beer. She got very snappy with me ask me if I could stop drinking. That she likes me when I’m sober not when I was drinking.. in my opinion that was another red flag because I was not out of control or super drunk at all. I had a light buzz but was not crazy at all. At the time I saw it as greens flags tho because I def do want to work on my posture because it is really bad and I did want to slow down on drinking on the weekends. Also I do not have a alcohol problem but I was drinking a little too much for my liking on the weekends.

But oppose from those things I saw everything as going great. Sex was amazing, I took her on a lunch and also a breakfasts date and we would check in on eachother once a day. We never texted eachother throughout the whole day, it was just one little convo everyday and a phone call at night. Sometimes she would call or text first and sometimes I would call and text first. But everything was going great in my eyes.

But then came finals for her. Right before finals week she slept over and we had the best sex we had ever had that night. But that morning when I was getting ready to drive her off she told me it was finals week and that she was going to be busy studying all week. I was completely fine with that and understood. I gave her her space but she still would call me at night just for a quick conversation. But I felt her mood change throughout the week almost like she was annoyed when she was talking to me. But she was still calling and texting me first . Until that Monday night.. after her finals were done. She was about to start commuting to the city for a program she was in for her career. she called me very upset on the phone basically breaking things off with me. Saying things like she doesn’t think it’s fair that we continue to see eachother and that if things were different she would date me. She was crying the entire time. she said to me she never planned on anything coming from us but she was happy she met me. This phone call was very confusing  for me because when I told her that’s it’s ok & I knew it wasn’t going anywhere but atleast I tried to make something out of it.

Once I said that she flipped again on me saying that she just wants to be normal with me. So I left that conversation very confused that night. The next day she texted me asking me if I wanted space. We both agreed we did not want any space from eachother. The next day was her birthday so I sent her flowers( love bombing I know ). She said she loved them and everything was great when we talked. But then came the following day. I sent a text which had no reply. Then the next day no reply again. I did not know about attachment styles at this point but I now know this triggered my anxious attachment style and I overly texted her and repeatedly called her with no answers For 2days.

I than sent a text basically saying if this is how you want to end things with me I have to respect it and to have a good life. She’s reply saying yes her feeling have changed and that she didn’t plan and ending things over text at all but I had annoyed her and that she had been busy.. that’s was the last time I heard from her. Looking back at it I think she was a dismissive advoident, what do you guys think l, how badly did I [mess] up ? Do you think I had a chance with her ? Did she like me? Was she just not emotionally available? And I was just bombing her? Did I ever have a chance ? I prob will never hear from this girl again.

I would like to hear what you guys think because she was special to me. She was the first girl I could actually she myself dating and I learn a lot about my self with her. The what ifs kill me. I know I will never get the closer but I would hope one day she looks back at me and say damn he was a good guy… what’s do you guys think ?                                                                                

I saw her on hinge 2 weeks later with a changed location in the city where she was doing her program. I tried to reach out and got nothing.. her location is now in her home town.. I just wish her the best . 3 months later she removed me on Snapchat

Edited December 22, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs/language

[glows]

Yes, it’s more likely that it is truly over. You were a good friends with benefits partner and she probably liked you at the start, enjoyed your company but you were both too incompatible in the end. I think you’d probably get on each others’ nerves quite a bit if you both tried this again.  

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, KingOfNY said:

 I’m here to talk about a situationship I was in almost 7 months ago. I saw her on hinge 2 weeks later . 3 months later she removed me on Snapchat

How long were you dating? It's interesting you called it a situationship.

After realizing you're not compatible, it's best to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media, dating apps and messaging apps.

Keep in mind that intensity is not intimacy, so while you are still thinking about this, there was not a lot of foundation.