MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 Hello everyone, I have posted before on this forum and haven't needed any advice for a very long time as I moved on and got married etc. Myself and XOM haven't spoken for 16 months and out of the blue he sent me a request on a social media site. Why? But worst bit is it was playing on my mind for days and I caved and I rang him from a withheld number and he answered said he can't talk and hung up. Hes then blocked me from said social media when I checked. What's his game here? It's just thrown me off a bit. I felt I was doing so well. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 48 minutes ago, MadWoman30 said: .Hes then blocked me from said social media when I checked. What's his game here? His game is he fooled you so many times that he figured he'll just try again. Make sure you go through all your social media, devices, contact lists and messaging apps and delete and block him and all his people from everything. Don't even leave this door open. Please don't hope that he finds you so irresistible when in fact, he's just a run of the mill opportunist and player. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: His game is he fooled you so many times that he figured he'll just try again. Make sure you go through all your social media, devices, contact lists and messaging apps and delete and block him and all his people from everything. Don't even leave this door open. Please don't hope that he finds you so irresistible when in fact, he's just a run of the mill opportunist and player. Thank you for responding. 16 months... 16 months and now he did that it's absolutely crazy. Is this even normal to try contact after such a long period of time? I grieved so hard for him and I did it. My heart was broken for months and I got over him. There was days and weeks where I didn't think of him! I will never cave with him I'd never ever go back. I'm disappointment in myself for ringing him but never again. Edited December 23, 2022 by MadWoman30 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 3 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: Thank you for responding. 16 months... 16 months and now he did that it's absolutely crazy. Is this even normal to try contact after such a long period of time? I grieved so hard for him and I did it. My heart was broken for months and I got over him. There was days and weeks where I didn't think of him! I will never cave with him I'd never ever go back. I'm disappointment in myself for ringing him but never again. Affairs mess with your head. That’s why it’s so easy to fall into the trap of revisiting things, even when it’s long over. Don’t beat yourself up- you made one small misstep in response to his inappropriate overture. You will be back to forgetting about him soon. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 He probably wanted to reach out but then realized it was a bad idea for you both so when you called he didn't want to talk and blocked you. Be thankful he did because you didn't need to talk to him. Just his calling alone has somewhat set you back even through you are in a sense a newlywed. Don't let him cause you to mess up your new life. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 It sounds more like it was your call that bothers you more rather than him adding and deleting you. Figure out why you tried to call him or what’s causing that need or draw. Are you happy in your current life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 3 hours ago, stillafool said: He probably wanted to reach out but then realized it was a bad idea for you both so when you called he didn't want to talk and blocked you. Be thankful he did because you didn't need to talk to him. Just his calling alone has somewhat set you back even through you are in a sense a newlywed. Don't let him cause you to mess up your new life. 2 hours ago, glows said: It sounds more like it was your call that bothers you more rather than him adding and deleting you. Figure out why you tried to call him or what’s causing that need or draw. Are you happy in your current life? I just don't know, why block though? Why try and contact in first place. It's thrown me right off and my moods have proper changed again I feel so so low Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 Just now, MadWoman30 said: It's thrown me right off and my moods have proper changed again I feel so so low Perhaps that was his intended purpose? Honestly, it’s not worth your time or any emotional energy. If you have put this relationship in your past - leave it there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 27 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Perhaps that was his intended purpose? Honestly, it’s not worth your time or any emotional energy. If you have put this relationship in your past - leave it there. Yeah I know your right! Onwards and upwards need to forget about it now Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 1 hour ago, MadWoman30 said: I just don't know, why block though? Why try and contact in first place. He blocked to make sure that you guys don't reconnect. He realized it was a mistake and is trying to correct it. Don't take it any further than that. Again, be glad he did block you or you would have his conversation on your mind which you don't need. Are you happy in your new marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: He blocked to make sure that you guys don't reconnect. He realized it was a mistake and is trying to correct it. Don't take it any further than that. Again, be glad he did block you or you would have his conversation on your mind which you don't need. Are you happy in your new marriage? When will this completely stop? I thought by now this would be all gone and sorted and I won't feel the way I do anymore. It's so hard to see the negative side of the affair when it's been so long isn't it? My marriage Is full of pressures. Kids,jobs,life etc Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 9 minutes ago, MadWoman30 said: My marriage Is full of pressures. Kids,jobs,life etc So is everyone else's marriage as well. Life is not easy married or not. Fairytales aren't real. An Affair is just an escape. Quote When will this completely stop? I thought by now this would be all gone and sorted and I won't feel the way I do anymore. It's so hard to see the negative side of the affair when it's been so long isn't it? It's already stopped because it's over. There's nothing to sort out, you're both married and it's over. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 What I see: He wanted to reignite his little fling, & connecting through SM is perfect for that. You can still communicate, send direct or indirect messages, post whatever, and when “caught” you can explain it away by saying “it’s just Facebook” or “it’s just LinkedIn, don’t be ridiculous” etc. etc. blahblah When you called with a withheld number though (great move, btw), he answered, because he didn’t know it was you. He was home, I’m pretty sure, or in the car with his wife and/or family, something like that ……. Had he seen your number he wouldn’t have answered your call at all. With his W next to him the only thing he could think of was to say that he can’t talk, he then deleted the friend request as fast as he could, in order to hide his tracks & get rid of all “traces”, just in case she starts asking questions. That’s it! Now you know. 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 Is it possible hes still trying to play mind games? He knew how to do it so good when we were in the thick of it Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 2 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: Is it possible hes still trying to play mind games? He knew how to do it so good when we were in the thick of it Maybe. But doesn’t it gross you out? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 Seems like you still care about him, hence the call back from your end. This is sad because you are married but hopefully you can get over him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 5 hours ago, glows said: Maybe. But doesn’t it gross you out? Exactly, he pulled a string and you responded. From his end, mission accomplished. He now knows that he still has you at the end of the string - he can jerk you around anytime he wants. He likely knows that you are STILL thinking of him tonight. That’s got to feel good for him. It would really piss me off. It would make me so angry that he would do this to me again. It would make me angry that I fell into the trap - again. There is nothing about this that is good. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 11 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: It's so hard to see the negative side of the affair when it's been so long isn't it? Really? This is like saying, remember that time that I burned my my hand on the stove. It’s hard to remember how that felt, it’s been so long… And yet, the rational part of your brain should be screaming - “danger!! danger!!” Yes, life is hard and some days - it sure is nice to slip into a fantasy… Don’t romanticize this relationship. I’m assuming that you’ve worked hard to let this go - go forward, not backward. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 24, 2022 Author Share Posted December 24, 2022 I million percent agree with each and every one of you. All traces are gone no numbers saved, no links on any social media, nothing at all. I'm in my marriage with my long term partner and got some wonderful babies who are my worldn. This is some dickhead guy who's seeing what he can get away and I'm grossed out by him completely. Funny thing is I don't know why I called him because I'm not even in love with him anymore more curiosity than anything else (stupidity more like) Never will I contact him again and if I even see a hint of him anywhere laugh, delete and carry on. Not give a second thought. I'm going to put this down as first time thrown off my guard but now learnt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 24, 2022 Author Share Posted December 24, 2022 3 hours ago, Noproblem said: Seems like you still care about him, hence the call back from your end. This is sad because you are married but hopefully you can get over him. I'm sure I am over him he doesn't consume my thoughts anymore. My babies are my world now. It's just thrown me off guard and give me a wobble. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 On 12/23/2022 at 4:03 AM, MadWoman30 said: I rang him from a withheld number and he answered said he can't talk and hung up. Unfortunately you contacted him. So it may be time to reflect why you not only accepted the social media request but chose to follow up and call him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted December 24, 2022 Author Share Posted December 24, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately you contacted him. So it may be time to reflect why you not only accepted the social media request but chose to follow up and call him. No I didn't accept his request I deleted it. I don't even know why I called him I was curious why after all this time is he trying to add me. I have had a missed private call this morning. I got a feeling it may be him but I don't want to know and I won't be looking to find out why Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 10 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: Funny thing is I don't know why I called him because I'm not even in love with him anymore more curiosity than anything else (stupidity more like) Never will I contact him again and if I even see a hint of him anywhere laugh, delete and carry on. Not give a second thought. I'm going to put this down as first time thrown off my guard but now learnt. Just don’t do it again. That’s all. Who knows why he sent the request. Sometimes we want to believe there are intelligent workings on the other end but it’s usually not the case. You made a mistake and nothing came of it either. Block him off everything and say goodbye. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 6 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: No I didn't accept his request I deleted it. I don't even know why I called him I was curious why after all this time is he trying to add me. I have had a missed private call this morning. I got a feeling it may be him but I don't want to know and I won't be looking to find out why Block him! He should have no way to access you if you are serious about putting this behind you. You talk about your babies but what about your husband? You're newly married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted December 27, 2022 Share Posted December 27, 2022 On 12/24/2022 at 7:06 AM, MadWoman30 said: No I didn't accept his request I deleted it. I don't even know why I called him I was curious why after all this time is he trying to add me. I have had a missed private call this morning. I got a feeling it may be him but I don't want to know and I won't be looking to find out why Man y'all playing the games again with each other already. Link to post Share on other sites
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