Asked for a date then canceled and unfriended

[lostgirl01]

I met this guy during my medical practice (I am a student and he is an intern). During this time (about 2 weeks), we talked a lot and had lunch together. When I saw his social media profile photo (2-3 days after the first talk), I remembered that my friend showed it because she met him on tinder. They were on one date and chatted for a couple of months. But everything was in the past (about 6 months ago), they never dated or something. On my last day of practice, he asked me for a coffee, but I was busy, so I said we could plan a date by texts. After that, he didn’t write me, but the next week, we bumped into each other in the hospital. The time for small talk was bad, so we just great each other and smiled. I wrote him a text, and asked how he was doing….and he invited me out for a second time. We couldn’t find the right time for a meeting because I only had free time on the weekend, but he said that he planned to come home to meet his family. A few days after this, I saw him again in the hospital corridor.  He looked so happy to see me – smiled a lot. A couple of days passed and we started chatting more. He asked me out for the third time and we finally found the right time. We planned to meet on Saturday evening. On Friday, I had meeting in the same hospital, so I saw him talking with his colleagues girls. That may sound jealous, but one girl looked like she was flirting with him.  A few hours later, I needed to find a cabinet, so I wrote him. He was busy, and he wrote back when I was already found it. I saw, how he walked through the corridor towards the cabinet and he saw, that I was sitting with my research mentor. After this, he didn‘t ask, what I was doing in a hospital or something. Knowing, that tomorrow will be our first real date, it was strange. On Saturday morning (7 am), he wrote me, that he cannot meet me and said sorry. I was pissed because of yesterday and wrote „Hey, ok“. I didn‘t ask, why he canceled our date and now I regret this. Really strange situation, because it was really early morning, so he could have a night shift (better scenario) or have another date (yeah, I checked, that he had tinder that time). He didn‘t want to reschedule our date and didn‘t write me again. Next week, I saw him again in the corridor, he just looked at me and didn‘t say „hi“, there was no smile either. Two weeks after the date cancellation, he unfollowed me on Instagram and unfriended me on Facebook. That was so crazy because I see him every single week and now it is so awkward. He doesn‘t even look at me. 
Could someone explain why this happened? He got angry at me or what? This is so childish. I want to make this situation more comfortable, but I don‘t know how to talk because he doesn‘t want to have any conversation with me. Problem is, that I really liked him, but one day everything turned upside down. Maybe he is not so interested in me?

[poppyfields]

Hello @LostGirl1010welcome.

Reading your story, imo this is one of those situations where it would be helpful to hear his side of the story as well.  It appears something got lost in translation between you, signals crossed, and it's possible he got a bad vibe from you somewhere between when he first asked you out and the day before you were scheduled to meet.

The only person who truly knows is HIM.

If me, I would not make a special point of asking however down the road, if you ever get to talking in a jovial friendly manner, you could casually ask him "hey, what happened"?

Not in a confrontational accusatory way, but in a casual "just wondering" way.

In the meantime, it's really best to let it go, be friendly but professional.

Just my take.

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

Did he know that guy was your mentor?  Why didn't you speak?

[ShyViolet]

We are not in his head; we can't tell you what his reasons might be.  For whatever reason he decided he was no longer interested.  There's really nothing else to do here, just let it go and move on.

[glows]

He doesn’t even look at you at work? That seems strange and uncomfortable. 

Who is this research mentor? Do you have a history with this mentor?

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, lostgirl01 said:

 because I only had free time on the weekend, 

Sorry this happened. You may want to focus on being friends and colleagues rather than creating awkward workplace drama and romance.

Focus on your training, profession and networking. That's far more valuable than a tinder type date here or there.

Clearly the dating situation isn't working because you seem extra busy and he seems to have given up trying.

Focus on dating outside the workplace to avoid messy entanglements.

[smackie9]

If he truly got tied up in knots over someone he saw you with, then you don't want to date a guy like him. He's acting butt-hurt over something and just chose to block/delete/ignore you. That's pretty childish. Just look at it as you dodging a bullet.

[NuevoYorko]

You wrote that you noticed that a "colleague girl"  might be flirting with him and that it "might sound jealous" for you to mention that.

You are also very aware of his Tinder activity.  And he had dated your friend (and "talked to" her for a couple of months, which is long). 

I have an idea that you might have given him some reasons to feel like you are up in his business.   Or, since he's actively dating, maybe he's decided to focus on a woman he's already been spending time with.

Maybe not though.  Nobody here knows what he thinks.  What we do know is what you posted:  Nothing really has happened, there is not anything between you, and you can easily act cordial, professional and NORMAL and get things back to a comfortable place.  That's important, since you do work around one another.