Hate Christmas so much!

[Ryan_B]

Hello. I've been on here before, but not for a while! So in short, back in 2020 my wife and I split up. We have two children together (who are now aged 4 and 6). The divorce finally came through earlier this year. 

At first, I took the split really hard, I wasn't coping and couldn't move on, I was almost stopping myself from moving on as, in a weird way, I don't think I wanted to be happy!

But since then, I've improved a lot. I've had a few dates with different girls over the past 18 months or so. Some of them weren't brilliant and a couple who I really liked but unfortunately things never developed past 4/5 dates.

But at Christmas time, I really struggle. Seeing all the happy couples shopping, all the movies, TV shows, music etc all about love and being with someone. This morning I picked the children up from my ex wife's as I have them over Christmas. We've had a lovely day at my parents and watching them enjoy their day really is special. But they've now all gone to bed and I am sat here just thinking about how lonely I am and how much I hate feeling worthless or undesirable I am! When I picked the girls up, my ex wife was looking incredible. In a short dress, make up and hair done and I imagined the kind of time that her and her partner will have had today/tonight (they got together 2 months after we split and moved in together within 3 months). I know I shouldn't be thinking things like that as what they get upto doesn't affect my life, but it's still a really low feeling, thinking of how loved up they are and all my friends etc are all with partners, and then there's me spending another Christmas alone! 

Does this all make me kind of... Pathetic?! I certainly feel it!

[glows]

It’s not pathetic, just real. You feel whatever you need to. Congrats on the divorce coming through - that’s to a new life. The holidays can bring up a lot of tensions and repressed feelings. 

For me, it’s missing my parents and loved ones who have passed on. I could cry a river sometimes but I’m also grateful to be alive. I sometimes feel relieved when the holidays are over.

[FMW]

I'm very happy Christmas is over now.  The holiday season is especially hard for a lot of people because of not having what television and other media constantly show us we are "supposed" to have and how joyous we are supposed to feel.  A lot of artificial pressure that highlights anything we miss.  

Hopefully as we move past the holidays you will start feeling more positive.  I hope the coming new year will bring opportunities for you to meet new friends and a romantic partner (if that's what you want) to share your time.

 

[Alpacalia]

I love Christmas but it's insane. Everything is rush rush rush, crazy madhouse.

Hopefully next year will be a bit better for you.

[mark clemson]

One the holiday blues die down, redouble your efforts to find someone. Remember to take relationships that don't pan out in stride. Flings can make for some fun memories once you do finally find someone you work with long term.

It's easier said than done, but remember to make yourself look as good as possible, and give off a vibe of confidence and independence, up to and including your body language/"energy". Come across as a "winner" who just happens to be in a bit of a tough spot temporarily. Women tend to be less interested in "mopey," but sometimes "fake it 'till you make it" CAN work, even with women.

[MsJayne]

Don't believe anything you see in cheesy Christmas movies, the whole season is highly over-rated, ridiculously expensive, and just a lot of stress. All those people you see out shopping in the malls, loaded with bags of presents they've bought or pushing trolleys overflowing with hams and pavlovas, they're not happy, they're secretly stressed and worrying how far over their budget they've gone or whether this will be the year they stab that sibling they hate with the turkey carving knife. The couples you see shmoozing around choosing presents in a fug of delirious romance, many of them will be you one day, except half of the guys won't get to see their kids on Christmas Day. Each time you have to swallow another TV ad with a perfect family all loving each other to death around the Christmas tree, remember that they're actors and they're being paid to make you feel inadequate. Anyway, it's over until next year, now you need to prepare to have your nose rubbed in Easter for the next couple of months, more "happy family" and "happy couples" horse dung except this time with hot cross buns and chocolate rabbits. You're not pathetic, you're just normal. Focus on being the best version of yourself that you can and you'll soon enough meet another partner. 

[Ryan_B]

It's just a horrible sort of time really. Everyone is now all excited for new years, going to a party or having cosy nights in with partners etc. I'll have my daughter's with me on new years night which again will be nice, but they'll be in bed by 8pm, and then it'll just be yet another evening of sitting around in silence with nobody to speak too! Even when my ex wife and I weren't getting on too well but still together, atleast there was still someone there to speak too and have some kind of conversation with (mostly arguments, but hey ho!). It's just such a horrible feeling and I'm still not completely used to being alone 2 and a half years after the split! I'd never take her back but I just wish I could have some kind of "normality" that everyone else seems to have at some point!

[Alpacalia]

Well, I would just say try not to succumb to the high expectations society emboldens during the holidays. Take the time to think about your blessings rather than judging yourself against such ridiculous standards.

Edited December 28, 2022 by Alpacalia