My committed boyfriend is planning to meet a woman for a first date this afternoon.

[NuevoYorko]

37 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 And I truly miss my "friend" aka the recent ex bf.   I know I probably sound insane by saying this but I think while he's def abused me for money and others -- he really loved me.   He continued to just want my connection/love even after horrible fights.  He's very alone.   And we were always there for each other .... as friends ....and I am still obviously struggling to see FULL reality.   I miss him.   I guess I just miss the connection that I've had w him for years... and now I've lost both the friend and the bf (all in one).

 

Tough love time.  You really need to stop this.  Someone on this thread recently laid it out for you:  He is giving you the "connection" crap because that is bait for you.  You have been very reliable to do and give anything to this guy when he pushes the right buttons, which he knows by heart.   He would be shooting himself in the foot to break the "connection."  

He absolutely has other women with the same attachment to him that you have.  He wasn't trying to date your friend because she's just so beautiful or whatever that he was unable to resist - if he connects with a woman he will do what "works" for him - reel her in so he can call on her when an "old standby" like you have proven to be is on a break from giving him $$$$, a place to live or whatever.

Look back at your thread prior to this one about this guy.  You are describing a BAD PERSON.   And there is nothing about "love" in the entire thread.  He simply used you and when he could get no more, he verbally abused you.  He was only out of the picture for a short time though ... 

You're not doing yourself any favors by painting whatever you had going on with this man as a friendship or any kind of love.   

[Weezy1973]

9 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I've really struck out w guys lately.  

Perhaps it’s because you’re only interested in superficial qualities instead of deeper qualities like character, and honesty and integrity. Question. Are the types of men you choose the kind of man you want your son to become? 

[glows]

4 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

I do want a relationship.

That’s fine, OP. Many people want that. The issue is recognizing when someone is up to no good and not sacrificing your own well-being in the process.

 

Edited December 30, 2022 by glows

[howwouldiknownow22]

7 hours ago, glows said:

That’s fine, OP. Many people want that. The issue is recognizing when someone is up to no good and not sacrificing your own well-being in the process.

 

I know -- I think my biggest issue is I like to gravitate to the "connection" as mentioned in this thread.  We have known each for so long and share a lot in common professionally, but we have both lost our families to tragic early deaths.  And he feels like an 'orphan' given that he has no family left -- and I understand that feeling, as well.  So we have shared so much about that over the past couple of years.  I am STILL trying to wrestle with accepting that even though he may have had these tragedies or issues as of late -- that doesn't give him permission to blatantly lie to me and/or cheat on me. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

we have both lost our families to tragic early deaths.  And he feels like an 'orphan' given that he has no family left -- and I understand that feeling, as well.  

We've all lost family members to deaths and no matter how old they are when they go, to us it's too soon.  Still you have family because you have a child.  He also has children doesn't he?  That is no reason to be bothered with this man.  You say you share a lot in common professionally and I just hope you handle your business affairs better than him and if so stop comparing yourself to him.

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 We have known each for so long and share a lot in common professionally, but we have both lost our families to tragic early deaths.  And he feels like an 'orphan' given that he has no family left -- and I understand that feeling, as well.  So we have shared so much about that over the past couple of years.  

You already posted in an earlier thread that you and he were ONLINE acquaintances through your work.  Since you're here on LS, you can find dozens or even hundreds of posts from women who get these earth-shattering "connections" with online "boyfriends."  Follow the threads.  What happens?   Something bad.  EVERY TIME.   Of course there are the few that don't end badly, and naturally those women are not on LS looking for help with the damage caused by their complete buy-in to FALSE INTIMACY developed by a "connection" that existed online.

Please get it through your head.  A marginally skilled con type of person can create this false intimacy any time they want with anyone, as long as in person interactions are not required.   Have you not heard of catfishing?  Do you know about "Nigerian scams" and how successful these people can be?   

Your guy is on the same page as these.  I don't even believe any of the stories about how well respected he is in your business world, but I can't prove it so I will take your word. Keep in mind that the qualities of a salesperson are important in that work.  Those qualities are the same as what a con uses - only the con person is using them for bad.   That aside, he is cultivating the "deep connections"  at all times with women, and he has others on call to meet his needs.  They think they are special to him just like you do.  

If your story here is accurate, when you kicked him out last month (and he showed you he had $50 to his name, you gave him $400, etc.) he miraculously moved to a far away state and "got back on his feet."   In LESS THAN A MONTH.

Somebody paid for that.  

[howwouldiknownow22]

6 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

You already posted in an earlier thread that you and he were ONLINE acquaintances through your work.  Since you're here on LS, you can find dozens or even hundreds of posts from women who get these earth-shattering "connections" with online "boyfriends."  Follow the threads.  What happens?   Something bad.  EVERY TIME.   Of course there are the few that don't end badly, and naturally those women are not on LS looking for help with the damage caused by their complete buy-in to FALSE INTIMACY developed by a "connection" that existed online.

Please get it through your head.  A marginally skilled con type of person can create this false intimacy any time they want with anyone, as long as in person interactions are not required.   Have you not heard of catfishing?  Do you know about "Nigerian scams" and how successful these people can be?   

Your guy is on the same page as these.  I don't even believe any of the stories about how well respected he is in your business world, but I can't prove it so I will take your word. Keep in mind that the qualities of a salesperson are important in that work.  Those qualities are the same as what a con uses - only the con person is using them for bad.   That aside, he is cultivating the "deep connections"  at all times with women, and he has others on call to meet his needs.  They think they are special to him just like you do.  

If your story here is accurate, when you kicked him out last month (and he showed you he had $50 to his name, you gave him $400, etc.) he miraculously moved to a far away state and "got back on his feet."   In LESS THAN A MONTH.

Somebody paid for that.  

Yes -- He did something I think is quite shady, and that is somehow the landlord allowed him to put the furnished condo in their company name.  To my knowledge they did not put it directly in his name because he has no credit (as I'm told).  

And while we were long distance friends -- he was initially my client for 3 months.  And then I would see him quarterly at business mastermind events and I even met his wife once or twice at these events.  

I have met his business partners in person and I have been on zoom calls with all of them etc.  So, I realize he was taking me for a ride -- but he isn't smoke and mirrors like a Nigerian scam.    

I agree 1000 percent that he is a good salesman/showman.  And our mutual client who personally told me how much he likes my ex bf -- told me that his strength is in the charisma he brings to the table or happy hour.  And this guy is an extremely successful businessman, himself.  But, he is looking at my ex bf and his business parter as nothing but a bolt on sales crew to raise capital.  

But, it shows that even a seasoned entrepreneur can be impressed by him and his expensive clothes and gift of gab.   Makes me feel a bit less stupid.  

[howwouldiknownow22]

55 minutes ago, stillafool said:

We've all lost family members to deaths and no matter how old they are when they go, to us it's too soon.  Still you have family because you have a child.  He also has children doesn't he?  That is no reason to be bothered with this man.  You say you share a lot in common professionally and I just hope you handle your business affairs better than him and if so stop comparing yourself to him.

Yes -- I do.  I am certainly not someone who has screwed up my business like he has...that's for sure.  

No, he doesn't have any children.  He said they tried IVF but his ex wife never got pregnant and when I put the pieces together I think they stopped trying and he began a "relationship" aka affair with another woman in another state. 

He said that his ex was cold and never wanted to have sex etc.  And that is why he strayed.  

Now, from what I can tell -- I think he will stray the minute the wind blows.  

[Allupinnit]

It seems to me you are attracted to the unavailable, flashy peacock narcissist who is typically handsome and charismatic and uses every single person in his life to fill a need in him.

He doesn't love you, he can't love you.  His looks, the outfits, the jokes that make him funny - it's a front on an empty store to lure people in to exploit them and drain them dry financially, emotionally, mentally, physically - you name it.  Let me guess he's also sarcastic and loves making fun of people behind their backs?

Until you work out why you keep choosing this same Ahole over and over you're just going to keep making sad threads like this through the years.

[IrinaM]

Okay but reading your previous thread about him, (titled something about helping your homeless boyfriend), you said you had a close business contact who knew he was going to get paid 100k very shortly-that date would have come and gone a few months ago. Now you have a client who has given you the inside scoop that this guy will get a million dollars in a year or so. I find these statements very worrying-how legitimate are any of these people?

[NuevoYorko]

2 hours ago, IrinaM said:

 I find these statements very worrying-how legitimate are any of these people?

I'm pretty appalled.  I owned a very successful business.  Not in the financial field like the OP and her people. And I have no knowledge about that world.  But NEVER, NEVER would there be all of this talking about was going to get a million dollars or a man trying to 'help' a female associate navigate her breakup with a scumbag to alleviate fallout - and at the same time trying to "lure" her with business opportunities, gifts etc. into a sexual relationship - all of it under the guise of "mastermind groups" (???). 

Of course I know that all of this shady behavior exists, and it's not rare.  In my business experience there were affairs between associates, some bad deals, etc.  But this was not the norm.  It sounds like you (OP) are completely surrounded by shady characters involved in scammy things.   

 I mean, this is all going on simultaneously and within a very narrow time frame.

Please consider my suggestion and join women only business peer groups,  choose women mentors, and do NOT get personally involved in any way with your business associates, especially male ones.   This includes sharing about your relationships with other male business associates, and talking about personal tragedies etc.     Just put all of that into a NO GO box.  Get your personal needs met elsewhere.  

What do you think of that?

Edited December 30, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[howwouldiknownow22]

18 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm pretty appalled.  I owned a very successful business.  Not in the financial field like the OP and her people. And I have no knowledge about that world.  But NEVER, NEVER would there be all of this talking about was going to get a million dollars or a man trying to 'help' a female associate navigate her breakup with a scumbag to alleviate fallout - and at the same time trying to "lure" her with business opportunities, gifts etc. into a sexual relationship - all of it under the guise of "mastermind groups" (???). 

Of course I know that all of this shady behavior exists, and it's not rare.  In my business experience there were affairs between associates, some bad deals, etc.  But this was not the norm.  It sounds like you (OP) are completely surrounded by shady characters involved in scammy things.   

 I mean, this is all going on simultaneously and within a very narrow time frame.

Please consider my suggestion and join women only business peer groups,  choose women mentors, and do NOT get personally involved in any way with your business associates, especially male ones.   This includes sharing about your relationships with other male business associates, and talking about personal tragedies etc.     Just put all of that into a NO GO box.  Get your personal needs met elsewhere.  

What do you think of that?

I don't disagree -- I think often in business masterminds -- they end up being similar to personal development conferences like Tony Robbins holds...and people are encouraged to share their fears -- set backs (personal and professional) and that's what you pay 35k a year for -- so people who have navigated situations like that before...can help you.  So, I understand that you think that this is me just getting too chummy with men at happy hour, but that's not the case.   I am actually quite private --- my biggest mistake was trusting my ex bf.  that's true.. and he became a "friend".  And that was where I went wrong...  the other guy -- I think that was just an odd situation --.  And since I barely knew him - I don't blame myself.  I think he was extremely inappropriate under the guise of "helping me".  

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

and that's what you pay 35k a year for --

Wow.  

You're certainly aware that "mastermind" groups are viewed with a lot of appropriate skepticism in the business community.  I don't have any personal experience.

There is an old saw that says your personality is an average of the 5 people you interact with the most.  If your chosen groups are full of lowlife scammy dudes, you're probably not doing yourself any favors. 

You've certainly lost a lot of money,   mental health and probably credibility if these guys are contacts from your mastermind groups.   Maybe you need to get out of them or find different groups.  Again - TRY WOMEN'S GROUPS.  

Again, I'm not "against" these groups.  But your posts are fraught with really negative drama and always the "mastermind groups" are mentioned.  

Edited December 31, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[howwouldiknownow22]

On 1/2/2023 at 1:26 PM, S2B said:

What’s the update?

Hi...I apologize I haven't updated this.  I ended things with him as I said I would ... but I neglected to block him on one social media platform because we share one client in common...and I guess I was still curious as to what he is doing, despite stilling owing me thousands of dollars. 

I ended up finally blocking him there 2 days ago because he posted a picture at the pool of his high rise with another woman...   said "long work day and now celebrating my BFF's early bday with drinks at his penthouse" 

I researched her and she appears to be in his industry and takes trips on private jets.  She looks like she also has a lot of money.  I was honestly stunned he would have moved on so quickly PUBLICLY -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

So I just blocked him all together.  My other colleague says he has been non stop on boats and yachts in his social media posts...  I do know one of the people he's hanging out with is extremely wealthy -- so I'm sure he is living off of them...and their yachts.  

I'm bitter and angry that's for sure... but I am fully no contact with him.  

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

It's great you blocked him. It's doubtful he's directing this at you. It seems more like showboating to lure more victims in.

[howwouldiknownow22]

50 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's great you blocked him. It's doubtful he's directing this at you. It seems more like showboating to lure more victims in.

I guess so ... It's really hard to believe it all..  I'm still wrapping my head around it 

[glows]

Sadly it’s all a facade. That lifestyle is borrowed and not actually his.

Good of you to let go and block. He’s been in your life for far too long.

[NuevoYorko]

Suggestion:  Step away from your preoccupation with the trappings of money and perceived success,   You talk a lot about all of this high living, high rollers, big spenders,  elite this and that, on and on.  Unfortunately, without exception, all the men have been lowlives.  Who cares if they can get their sorry butts on somebody's  yacht, somebody they know has a penthouse, or their job is "pilot" or "financier."   They are gross.   

If YOU are rich and enjoying the fruits of all your labor, good for you.  When it comes to other people, look deeper.   Why on earth does it matter who is on a private jet, fancy boat, standing near a penthouse, etc.   

[howwouldiknownow22]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Suggestion:  Step away from your preoccupation with the trappings of money and perceived success,   You talk a lot about all of this high living, high rollers, big spenders,  elite this and that, on and on.  Unfortunately, without exception, all the men have been lowlives.  Who cares if they can get their sorry butts on somebody's  yacht, somebody they know has a penthouse, or their job is "pilot" or "financier."   They are gross.   

If YOU are rich and enjoying the fruits of all your labor, good for you.  When it comes to other people, look deeper.   Why on earth does it matter who is on a private jet, fancy boat, standing near a penthouse, etc.   

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

[JTSW]

On 12/30/2022 at 5:56 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He said that his ex was cold and never wanted to have sex etc.  And that is why he strayed.  

🤣 They will always say its the wife's fault.

He strayed because he wanted to.

And it has been proved that he is more than willing to do it again behind your back.

Close the book on this one OP.

He is not a good person at all.

[BaileyB]

On 1/7/2023 at 3:16 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

Indeed, you do need to listen to your intuition and think with your head and not only your heart in the future. It’s kind of horrifying how easily you were taken in by this guy and the fact that you lacked the instinct of self preservation (otherwise know as boundaries). 

Edited January 9, 2023 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

On 1/7/2023 at 1:33 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

I doubt this has nothing at all to do with you but him just moving on enjoying his life, living off other people.  This is who he is.  He isn't missing any sleep thinking about you or any of the other people he's scammed out of money to live the life he wants.  Why don't you sue to get your money back?

[NuevoYorko]

On 1/7/2023 at 1:16 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

I think your picker IS off.  Look at your relationship history.  As far as what you've shared here, you have had nothing but bad relationships - to put it mildly.  You are PICKING these people rather than different types.  I think it has something to do with the trappings of wealth and success; you seem easily blinded to everything else in the presence of these.

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, S2B said:

fir him, it has nothing to do with his “feelings” - it only has to do with what he can take from you.

I agree with the above - it has nothing to do with his feelings for you - it's about survival for him.

[JTSW]

On 1/7/2023 at 6:33 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 I was honestly stunned he would have moved on so quickly PUBLICLY -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

It's not, I assure you.

I know you would like believe that but the truth is he never cared.

He's a serial cheater and has likely forgotten about you now.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but after everything I read, that's the person he sounds like.