My committed boyfriend is planning to meet a woman for a first date this afternoon.

[Allupinnit]

It seems to me you are attracted to the unavailable, flashy peacock narcissist who is typically handsome and charismatic and uses every single person in his life to fill a need in him.

He doesn't love you, he can't love you.  His looks, the outfits, the jokes that make him funny - it's a front on an empty store to lure people in to exploit them and drain them dry financially, emotionally, mentally, physically - you name it.  Let me guess he's also sarcastic and loves making fun of people behind their backs?

Until you work out why you keep choosing this same Ahole over and over you're just going to keep making sad threads like this through the years.

[IrinaM]

Okay but reading your previous thread about him, (titled something about helping your homeless boyfriend), you said you had a close business contact who knew he was going to get paid 100k very shortly-that date would have come and gone a few months ago. Now you have a client who has given you the inside scoop that this guy will get a million dollars in a year or so. I find these statements very worrying-how legitimate are any of these people?

[NuevoYorko]

2 hours ago, IrinaM said:

 I find these statements very worrying-how legitimate are any of these people?

I'm pretty appalled.  I owned a very successful business.  Not in the financial field like the OP and her people. And I have no knowledge about that world.  But NEVER, NEVER would there be all of this talking about was going to get a million dollars or a man trying to 'help' a female associate navigate her breakup with a scumbag to alleviate fallout - and at the same time trying to "lure" her with business opportunities, gifts etc. into a sexual relationship - all of it under the guise of "mastermind groups" (???). 

Of course I know that all of this shady behavior exists, and it's not rare.  In my business experience there were affairs between associates, some bad deals, etc.  But this was not the norm.  It sounds like you (OP) are completely surrounded by shady characters involved in scammy things.   

 I mean, this is all going on simultaneously and within a very narrow time frame.

Please consider my suggestion and join women only business peer groups,  choose women mentors, and do NOT get personally involved in any way with your business associates, especially male ones.   This includes sharing about your relationships with other male business associates, and talking about personal tragedies etc.     Just put all of that into a NO GO box.  Get your personal needs met elsewhere.  

What do you think of that?

Edited December 30, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[howwouldiknownow22]

18 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm pretty appalled.  I owned a very successful business.  Not in the financial field like the OP and her people. And I have no knowledge about that world.  But NEVER, NEVER would there be all of this talking about was going to get a million dollars or a man trying to 'help' a female associate navigate her breakup with a scumbag to alleviate fallout - and at the same time trying to "lure" her with business opportunities, gifts etc. into a sexual relationship - all of it under the guise of "mastermind groups" (???). 

Of course I know that all of this shady behavior exists, and it's not rare.  In my business experience there were affairs between associates, some bad deals, etc.  But this was not the norm.  It sounds like you (OP) are completely surrounded by shady characters involved in scammy things.   

 I mean, this is all going on simultaneously and within a very narrow time frame.

Please consider my suggestion and join women only business peer groups,  choose women mentors, and do NOT get personally involved in any way with your business associates, especially male ones.   This includes sharing about your relationships with other male business associates, and talking about personal tragedies etc.     Just put all of that into a NO GO box.  Get your personal needs met elsewhere.  

What do you think of that?

I don't disagree -- I think often in business masterminds -- they end up being similar to personal development conferences like Tony Robbins holds...and people are encouraged to share their fears -- set backs (personal and professional) and that's what you pay 35k a year for -- so people who have navigated situations like that before...can help you.  So, I understand that you think that this is me just getting too chummy with men at happy hour, but that's not the case.   I am actually quite private --- my biggest mistake was trusting my ex bf.  that's true.. and he became a "friend".  And that was where I went wrong...  the other guy -- I think that was just an odd situation --.  And since I barely knew him - I don't blame myself.  I think he was extremely inappropriate under the guise of "helping me".  

[S2B]

Wasn’t he living with his wife or ex wife when you started seeing him? 
 

wasn’t that a red flag at that time?

then she tossed him out too. She likely got tired of his crap. BUT - him living with her would have signaled to me that he was still “with her”. Yet you continued to “rescue him”.

do you plan to get professional help?

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

and that's what you pay 35k a year for --

Wow.  

You're certainly aware that "mastermind" groups are viewed with a lot of appropriate skepticism in the business community.  I don't have any personal experience.

There is an old saw that says your personality is an average of the 5 people you interact with the most.  If your chosen groups are full of lowlife scammy dudes, you're probably not doing yourself any favors. 

You've certainly lost a lot of money,   mental health and probably credibility if these guys are contacts from your mastermind groups.   Maybe you need to get out of them or find different groups.  Again - TRY WOMEN'S GROUPS.  

Again, I'm not "against" these groups.  But your posts are fraught with really negative drama and always the "mastermind groups" are mentioned.  

Edited December 31, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[S2B]

Be prepared. He is likely to reach out today and say happy new year.

that’s him “fishing” to see if you will bite! Do NOT respond!

And just know he is predictably reaching out to many many women today as well to see who his next victim will be.

it’s gonna be the one who responds. The one who shows the most empathy for his sob story. 

don’t let it be you!

[S2B]

You need to get it out of your mind that he was a friend! He wasn’t a friend! He is a user who preys upon people who sympathize for him! then he takes each and every so called “friend” for a ride so he doesn’t have to earn money.

the guy is a mooch - plain and simple!

he may dress it up to look good - but that’s a façade.  

Edited January 1, 2023 by S2B

[S2B]

What’s the update?

[howwouldiknownow22]

On 1/2/2023 at 1:26 PM, S2B said:

What’s the update?

Hi...I apologize I haven't updated this.  I ended things with him as I said I would ... but I neglected to block him on one social media platform because we share one client in common...and I guess I was still curious as to what he is doing, despite stilling owing me thousands of dollars. 

I ended up finally blocking him there 2 days ago because he posted a picture at the pool of his high rise with another woman...   said "long work day and now celebrating my BFF's early bday with drinks at his penthouse" 

I researched her and she appears to be in his industry and takes trips on private jets.  She looks like she also has a lot of money.  I was honestly stunned he would have moved on so quickly PUBLICLY -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

So I just blocked him all together.  My other colleague says he has been non stop on boats and yachts in his social media posts...  I do know one of the people he's hanging out with is extremely wealthy -- so I'm sure he is living off of them...and their yachts.  

I'm bitter and angry that's for sure... but I am fully no contact with him.  

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

It's great you blocked him. It's doubtful he's directing this at you. It seems more like showboating to lure more victims in.

[howwouldiknownow22]

50 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's great you blocked him. It's doubtful he's directing this at you. It seems more like showboating to lure more victims in.

I guess so ... It's really hard to believe it all..  I'm still wrapping my head around it 

[glows]

Sadly it’s all a facade. That lifestyle is borrowed and not actually his.

Good of you to let go and block. He’s been in your life for far too long.

[NuevoYorko]

Suggestion:  Step away from your preoccupation with the trappings of money and perceived success,   You talk a lot about all of this high living, high rollers, big spenders,  elite this and that, on and on.  Unfortunately, without exception, all the men have been lowlives.  Who cares if they can get their sorry butts on somebody's  yacht, somebody they know has a penthouse, or their job is "pilot" or "financier."   They are gross.   

If YOU are rich and enjoying the fruits of all your labor, good for you.  When it comes to other people, look deeper.   Why on earth does it matter who is on a private jet, fancy boat, standing near a penthouse, etc.   

[howwouldiknownow22]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Suggestion:  Step away from your preoccupation with the trappings of money and perceived success,   You talk a lot about all of this high living, high rollers, big spenders,  elite this and that, on and on.  Unfortunately, without exception, all the men have been lowlives.  Who cares if they can get their sorry butts on somebody's  yacht, somebody they know has a penthouse, or their job is "pilot" or "financier."   They are gross.   

If YOU are rich and enjoying the fruits of all your labor, good for you.  When it comes to other people, look deeper.   Why on earth does it matter who is on a private jet, fancy boat, standing near a penthouse, etc.   

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

[S2B]

Make sure you’ve blocked all forms of communicating with him.

he will use any woman who will let him. What you have seen online isn’t reality. 
 

he’s still the same user and abuser he’s been all this time - he’s just moved on to his next willing victim. After this one there will be another one and another one after that.

Just make sure it’s not you! file a claim so he has to pay you the money he owes you.

[JTSW]

On 12/30/2022 at 5:56 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He said that his ex was cold and never wanted to have sex etc.  And that is why he strayed.  

🤣 They will always say its the wife's fault.

He strayed because he wanted to.

And it has been proved that he is more than willing to do it again behind your back.

Close the book on this one OP.

He is not a good person at all.

[BaileyB]

On 1/7/2023 at 3:16 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

Indeed, you do need to listen to your intuition and think with your head and not only your heart in the future. It’s kind of horrifying how easily you were taken in by this guy and the fact that you lacked the instinct of self preservation (otherwise know as boundaries). 

Edited January 9, 2023 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

On 1/7/2023 at 1:33 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

I doubt this has nothing at all to do with you but him just moving on enjoying his life, living off other people.  This is who he is.  He isn't missing any sleep thinking about you or any of the other people he's scammed out of money to live the life he wants.  Why don't you sue to get your money back?

[NuevoYorko]

On 1/7/2023 at 1:16 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

Yes --- well it's really come down to the fact that I need to listen and respect my gut.  My gut KNEW better.   My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

I think your picker IS off.  Look at your relationship history.  As far as what you've shared here, you have had nothing but bad relationships - to put it mildly.  You are PICKING these people rather than different types.  I think it has something to do with the trappings of wealth and success; you seem easily blinded to everything else in the presence of these.

[S2B]

Like I said. Every abuser needs a victim.

he has his next victim now. I’m sure he’s not thinking about you - until he loses access to the current gals money - place to stay. Only then will he try and gain access to you again.

fir him, it has nothing to do with his “feelings” - it only has to do with what he can take from you.

for now… he is taking from someone else = that will end - and when it does he will look at his list of people who “seem to feel sorry for his tall tales”.

Keep him blocked everywhere. Anything on social media is just a farce to make him appear as something he’s not!

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, S2B said:

fir him, it has nothing to do with his “feelings” - it only has to do with what he can take from you.

I agree with the above - it has nothing to do with his feelings for you - it's about survival for him.

[JTSW]

On 1/7/2023 at 6:33 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

 I was honestly stunned he would have moved on so quickly PUBLICLY -- but I'm sure he was doing it to get back at me.

It's not, I assure you.

I know you would like believe that but the truth is he never cared.

He's a serial cheater and has likely forgotten about you now.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but after everything I read, that's the person he sounds like.

[stillafool]

On 1/7/2023 at 4:16 PM, howwouldiknownow22 said:

My "picker isn't off"...it is the fact that I continuously IGNORE these things.. 

Yes your picker is off.  You pick these type of men to get involved with.  Choose better so you don't have to go through this again.

[Calmandfocused]

Op, you’re confusing the “love” he had for you with “love” how you feel it.  Incorrect.  He does not love you as a person, he loves you as a thing! 
 

Let me give you an analogy to explain: 

I “love” my toaster. Every time I put bread into my toaster I get lovely delicious toast!  It’s the best toast I’ve ever tasted. Im delighted with my toaster. 
 

Then my toaster breaks. It’s stops producing the delicious toast and therefore has no use to me at all. I  toss the toaster in the bin and I buy a new one. A brand new toaster that will give me new delicious toast. I’ve no need to think about the old toaster. It has no use for me anymore. 
 

This is how people with narcissistic traits feel about other people. 
 

You are the toaster, the toast is your money, and the new toaster is his new love interest. 
 

Now is this making more sense? 

Edited January 10, 2023 by Calmandfocused