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Excitement Waned

CloudyHead

By CloudyHead,
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CloudyHead

CloudyHead

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A guy messaged me last week on a dating app. Conversation went well and plans were made to meet tomorrow. He said he would not communicate with me while my daughter was in town, which was four days. We started back communicating yesterday and it seems off. I went back on the dating site and he's been on it continuously since we took the four day break at his request. I was excited to meet him but not now. If he stands me up I probably will not be upset. 

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CloudyHead

CloudyHead

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I made reservations at a new restaurant so date and time were set before four day break. His answers are short. Today, no communication until I initiated it. No statements that he is looking forward to meeting in person tomorrow. No questions asked of me at all.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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2 minutes ago, CloudyHead said:

I made reservations at a new restaurant so date and time were set before four day break. His answers are short. Today, no communication until I initiated it. No statements that he is looking forward to meeting in person tomorrow. No questions asked of me at all.

That’s “off.” I would probably be blunt and ask if he still wants to meet. 

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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9 minutes ago, CloudyHead said:

He said he would not communicate with me while my daughter was in town, which was four days

This seems a little odd. 

I can understand him wanting to signal to you that he could understand if you weren't in touch while busy with your daughter, but it is strange to me that he pre-emptively declared himelf out of contact for these few days. 

I have to agree that he doesn't seem as interested as you, in any case. I would personally not have decided to have dinner as a first meet. Maybe coffee or a drink, but dinner is a bit much. In any case, I would re-evaluate this first meet and whether you are interested in a guy who appears to be indifferent. Sorry, OP.

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glows

glows

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What are you texting about where you feel his answers are short? I’m curious as I may fall into this kind of communication myself. Once a date is set I don’t keep talking with the person. I look forward to seeing that person in person. I’m not even thinking about whether I like him or not because we’ve never met. I’ve moved on doing other things.

Go and enjoy the meal anyway. Aren’t you also going there to eat? 

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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56 minutes ago, CloudyHead said:

A guy messaged me last week on a dating app. Conversation went well and plans were made to meet tomorrow. He said he would not communicate with me while my daughter was in town, which was four days. We started back communicating yesterday and it seems off. I went back on the dating site and he's been on it continuously since we took the four day break at his request. I was excited to meet him but not now. If he stands me up I probably will not be upset. 

He offered to not bother you while your daughter was visiting out of respect. I feel you should have told him then that it was ok to communicate while your daughter was visiting and you were looking forward to hear from him. By not giving him the 'go ahead' you indicated, in my opinion, that your interest was mild. 

Things go really fast on a dating site. Those 4 days without talking to you he continued making contact with other women and probably developed interest in another woman. You cannot blame him. 

Dinner dates for first meetings are always a bad idea. Stick to coffee, Ice cream, walk in a park. 

I would ask him if he's still interested in meeting, tell him if he has come across someone else and his interest are concentrated on someone else it's perfectly understandable and you wish him good luck. 

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stillafool

stillafool

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1 hour ago, CloudyHead said:

He said he would not communicate with me while my daughter was in town, which was four days.

Is this something you wanted?  If not, why didn't you tell him you'd welcome his call if he wanted to talk while she was in town?

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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2 hours ago, CloudyHead said:

. If he stands me up I probably will not be upset. 

Since you never met, go through with the first meet by confirming the time place. It may not work out but since you seemed interested and it's set up, there's nothing to lose.

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poppyfields

poppyfields

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On 12/27/2022 at 7:40 AM, CloudyHead said:

I was excited to meet him but not now..

Then don't meet.  There's no point. 

I wouldn't even bother asking him if HE still wants to meet, decide for yourself if YOU want to, which it sounds like you don't.

Frankly, based on his current actions, I don't think he does either. 

This is very common on line.  People come and go, fade in and out. 

Best to take it with a huge pinch of salt. 

I'm sorry it didn't work out. 

Edited by poppyfields
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CloudyHead

CloudyHead

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Meeting for dinner as a first date was his idea.  He said he would travel to my town (he is not familiar with my town) so I chose the restaurant.  Not communicating while my daughter was home for the holidays was his idea.  I did receive a text from him yesterday that he is "intrigued, ready to meet and hoping we have a good connection".  I plan to be at the restaurant tonight.  If he chooses not to be there, at least the place has a nice bar and my alma maters are in bowl games so I will watch football.  Wish me luck!

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CloudyHead

CloudyHead

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Y'all date went really well!  Second date has been planned.  I am keeping my expectations very low.

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CloudyHead

CloudyHead

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Ghosted . . . . Date #1 and Date #2 went great.  I thought we had much in common.  We discussed Date #3.  It has been 2 days since Date #2 and no contact.  I sent him two texts, one of which was a happy new year's text, and both have gone unanswered.  In the past, he responded to my text messages.  We met via a dating app.  He's active on the app and posted a slew of new photos since Date #2.  I see no need to reach out to him again.  I assume he saw a BBD (bigger better deal).  It would be nice to meet a grown up man who communicates instead of being a coward by ghosting.    

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glows

glows

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I agree. He could have stated you’re not a match and thanked you for the time. Ghosting is not the way to go. 

You did put yourself out there and it was nice of you to wish a HNY. It sounds like he’s more interested in his dating profile photo album. How many photos does one need? Isn’t this quite a turn off?

Don’t send anymore texts. Block and delete the contact and focus on others. 

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poppyfields

poppyfields

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3 hours ago, CloudyHead said:

Ghosted . . . . Date #1 and Date #2 went great.  I thought we had much in common.  We discussed Date #3.  It has been 2 days since Date #2 and no contact.  I sent him two texts, one of which was a happy new year's text, and both have gone unanswered.  

I'm so sorry @CloudyHead. :(

But in retrospect perhaps you might have seen this ccoming from his elusive behavior earlier?

But you gave it a shot, took a risk, which I applaud you for. 👍

Let's examine this further though as you stated the first two dates went great. 

What was great about them? In your eyes anyway?

Something I've learned over the years is that two people can be on the same date and having two entirely different experiences. 

Often times we have no idea how our date is perceiving it because people tend to "go through the motions," there is a lot of pretending going on.  I've done it myself! 

Also, you posted you texted him twice since the second date. 

Next time, once is enough, wait for him to respond back. 

Also curious what your texts said.  Could it be possible he felt pushed and thus became a little turned off?

I always like to see both sides and reflect on my own behavior, I've learned a lot by doing that.   

These early stages are so precarious, one little thing can tip it over the edge until a bond has been established. 

For me, I always waited for the man to come to me, in early stages. There are many reasons for that but don't want to hijack the thread.

Not that any of this would have mattered but it might have. 

JMO, but it's beneficial to self-reflect after every dating experience and relationship versus automatically defaulting to the guy was an arse. 

Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't.

Ghosting after two dates is fairly typical.  Ideally, sure he could have told you but let's face it, it's an awkward conversation this early in, seems unnecessary imo.

It's very difficult to tell another person we are no longer interested, I've done it and got hit with the guy asking questions, asking why, attempting to talk me out of it. 

Ghosting (again this early in, after 1-2 dates), sends the same message without words and possible drama that ensues afterwards.

I'm not invalidating your disappointment, I only suggest you put it in proper perspective

It was two dates. 

In any event, again I'm sorry this didn't work out the way you hoped. 

It's all a journey @CloudyHead, one great big learning experience.

All the best moving forward.  💛

 

Edited by poppyfields
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