No follow up after second date

[Charles_moeller]

I went on a second date recently with a woman and it doesn’t look like a third is lined up. I’m Curious to know if others have gone through this and maybe where it went wrong?

the first date went great, lots of flirting laughing, we kissed twice and held hands on the way out of the venue.

On the second date. It was more brief, she received a call half way through from her room mate asking for a spare key which cut it short.

the vibe seemed good though. She showed interest by resting her head on my lap, grabbing my hand, making out, flirting,  etc.

it ended with us kissing at the train station and her initiating texts when she got home. I asked to line up a third date at my house (I’d just moved into a new home by the sea and wanted to show her and cook dinner) 

she said it’s likely next week wouldn’t work due to work issues but would let me know. I didn’t hear back for a few days so reached out. She reconfirmed it didn’t work and said let’s meet the week after.

there was no suggestion on what day so I left it to her to reach out to me with this but didn’t hear anything since then.

 

 

[stillafool]

I wouldn't let anyone get away with "the week after" but would lock down a day and time before I got off the phone.  Now you'll have to call her back to do that because that's probably what she expects.  If you do have another date with her and want still another one make the plans for the next date before you part.

[Charles_moeller]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I wouldn't let anyone get away with "the week after" but would lock down a day and time before I got off the phone.  Now you'll have to call her back to do that because that's probably what she expects.  If you do have another date with her and want still another one make the plans for the next date before you part.

Thank you 

 

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I wouldn't let anyone get away with "the week after" but would lock down a day and time before I got off the phone.  Now you'll have to call her back to do that because that's probably what she expects.  If you do have another date with her and want still another one make the plans for the next date before you part.

Thank you for the response here.

Do you think the lack of engagement is showing less interest?

even though we were physical on the date and the signs seemed there, She didn’t respond with a day when suggesting next week. I thought this might be a light rejection 

[stillafool]

29 minutes ago, Charles_moeller said:

It was more brief, she received a call half way through from her room mate asking for a spare key which cut it short.

This is a bit concerning.  If I were on a date and my roommate called about a damn spare key I don't know if I'd cut my date short.  I'd make the roommate come get the key since she's the one who locked herself out.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm suspicious about the roommate / key thing too.   It's not uncommon for a person to have a friend provide an "out" opportunity for people meeting new dating prospects.  It seems odd that this would be in place for a 3rd date though.

Some of the things you mentioned that she did to "show interest" on the 2nd date are kind of ... unusual.  Resting her head on your lap?  And making out - and all of this before it was "cut short" by the call.    I can't imagine ANY scenario on a 2nd date (first real date after a "meet up" right?) where head on lap could have even happened (shoulder?  Maybe)  and I would be pretty measured with the "making out" at this point as well.   I mean - what is going to happen on date 3 if you made out a bunch on #2?  it seems like sex will be a given, and she probably really wasn't comfortable with this, at this point.

She may have felt like the making out and head in lap was fun at the time but then realized that it was too much, too intense, too soon and chosen to curtail anything further.

Going forward, I suggest you check your intensity with new contacts.   Save all that stuff for the future, if you see a potential future with a woman you meet.  A fairly intense good night kiss seems appropriate if you really like someone.  If you want to see if sex is on the table for that night, go ahead and check that out - but you might be burning some bridges for possible future developments.

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Charles_moeller said:

. I asked to line up a third date at my house (I’d just moved into a new home by the sea and wanted to show her and cook dinner) 

Keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others so unfortunately it's not uncommon to stall out after a couple of dates.

All you can do from your end is be aware that women may put you in the "just wants a hookup" basket by suggesting an in house date for date 3.

[Charles_moeller]

4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm suspicious about the roommate / key thing too.   It's not uncommon for a person to have a friend provide an "out" opportunity for people meeting new dating prospects.  It seems odd that this would be in place for a 3rd date though.

Some of the things you mentioned that she did to "show interest" on the 2nd date are kind of ... unusual.  Resting her head on your lap?  And making out - and all of this before it was "cut short" by the call.    I can't imagine ANY scenario on a 2nd date (first real date after a "meet up" right?) where head on lap could have even happened (shoulder?  Maybe)  and I would be pretty measured with the "making out" at this point as well.   I mean - what is going to happen on date 3 if you made out a bunch on #2?  it seems like sex will be a given, and she probably really wasn't comfortable with this, at this point.

She may have felt like the making out and head in lap was fun at the time but then realized that it was too much, too intense, too soon and chosen to curtail anything further.

Going forward, I suggest you check your intensity with new contacts.   Save all that stuff for the future, if you see a potential future with a woman you meet.  A fairly intense good night kiss seems appropriate if you really like someone.  If you want to see if sex is on the table for that night, go ahead and check that out - but you might be burning some bridges for possible future developments.

 

Appreciate the feedback here. I was thinking about the same thing re: looking for an exit. However she mentioned it at the start of the date not mid/end. She also brought it up again when she initiated texting when she got home and flagged she was anxious due to her flat mate being in the front door step.

Apart from this things escalated pretty well and I felt like good vibes were there most of the date.

the head on lap was brief. She basically laughed hard and then chose to fall into my lap and leave it there for a bit. The make out was just once mid way through the date  and a standard kiss at the end so I don’t think it was too intense.

 Apart from that it was mainly talking, laughing, flirting and getting to know each other.  
 

After mentioning a third meet up I prompted her already and left it in her hands. I’d like to see her again but don’t want to be needy

 

 

4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm suspicious about the roommate / key thing too.   It's not uncommon for a person to have a friend provide an "out" opportunity for people meeting new dating prospects.  It seems odd that this would be in place for a 3rd date though.

Some of the things you mentioned that she did to "show interest" on the 2nd date are kind of ... unusual.  Resting her head on your lap?  And making out - and all of this before it was "cut short" by the call.    I can't imagine ANY scenario on a 2nd date (first real date after a "meet up" right?) where head on lap could have even happened (shoulder?  Maybe)  and I would be pretty measured with the "making out" at this point as well.   I mean - what is going to happen on date 3 if you made out a bunch on #2?  it seems like sex will be a given, and she probably really wasn't comfortable with this, at this point.

She may have felt like the making out and head in lap was fun at the time but then realized that it was too much, too intense, too soon and chosen to curtail anything further.

Going forward, I suggest you check your intensity with new contacts.   Save all that stuff for the future, if you see a potential future with a woman you meet.  A fairly intense good night kiss seems appropriate if you really like someone.  If you want to see if sex is on the table for that night, go ahead and check that out - but you might be burning some bridges for possible future developments.

 

 

[Charles_moeller]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others so unfortunately it's not uncommon to stall out after a couple of dates.

All you can do from your end is be aware that women may put you in the "just wants a hookup" basket by suggesting an in house date for date 3.

Thank you for this feedback. In hindsight I agree.. maybe keeping it in a public spot would of been a better suggestion if she’s not comfortable with that.

im dating other people and I think she is too. From my experience you can get burnout with it so I’ll leave it in her hands. I mentioned twice about the meet up 

[lonelyplanetmoon]

On 12/27/2022 at 6:41 PM, Charles_moeller said:

Thank you for this feedback. In hindsight I agree.. maybe keeping it in a public spot would of been a better suggestion if she’s not comfortable with that.

im dating other people and I think she is too. From my experience you can get burnout with it so I’ll leave it in her hands. I mentioned twice about the meet up 

I also think the third date venue was what likely put her off. I would feel uncomfortable for a third date in a strange guys home.

 

[Charles_moeller]

6 hours ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

I also think the third date venue was what likely put her off. I would feel uncomfortable for a third date in a strange guys home.

 

Thank you. Post- break up she was the first woman I dated so I was confused on how to navigate.

I appreciate all the insight 

[smackie9]

This is what you do. Stop fussing over on how things are going. If things stall, you put them on the back burner and line up dates with other people. Carry on. If you hear from them, great if not, then you know in good conscience that you didn't waste your time worrying about it. That's how you navigate dating. 

[Mercedes7]

I am a woman and I agree with Wiseman. I would have assumed you were just trying to hookup with the home date so soon after meeting.  It may have made her uncomfortable and question your intentions.

[JTSW]

I agree that the third date venue might've worried her.

Suggest going for dinner or movie instead and see how she responds.