Long term Relationship, but met someone else and don't know what it means

[bee]

Hi, I’m (19) in a 3 1/2 year relationship, with my boyfriend whom I love deeply & who I have grown and developed an amazing relationship with. However, this school semester I had a class with this guy and immediately when he came in the class (like legit when he walked in) I noticed something about him, can’t explain it. I just shrugged it off. We then met through a friend and we literally had this immediate connection. My bf and I ended up going on a break around this time (related to other things, potentially along with subconscious feelings of mine in this situation, but also like previous issues on his side too.) this guy and I had mutual friends and started seeing more of each other when my boyfriend and I were on a break,  and we literally said we both felt like we’d know each other forever. All his friends eventually told me he’d never been like this with a girl and he hadn’t talked to anyone else for weeks. We started hanging out more and more for 2/3 weeks before school ended and it was so natural and I felt so safe and amazing. The way I feel towards him was like nothing I’d ever felt before, and nothing like what I felt towards my bf when we first met. (We were friends first.) so I’m super confused, as I thought what  my boyfriend and I had was IT. Is this normal? What should I do and what is this between this other guy and I? 

[NuevoYorko]

You got together with your ex bf when you were 15 years old.   You are still very young but I am not surprised if your criteria for what makes a successful relationship has changed between then and now.  There is a lot of growth and change happening between 15 and 19 years of age.

Obviously whatever your ex bf and you had was not "IT" or you would not have broken up.  What lead up to this "break"

You're free to date whomever you want to.  I would advise against getting into another serious relationship immediately following a 3.5 year long one, especially at your age.  This is your time to experience, grow and learn.  Obviously you'll do what you want to and it seems like you're already enmeshed with the new guy.

[bee]

13 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

You got together with your ex bf when you were 15 years old.   You are still very young but I am not surprised if your criteria for what makes a successful relationship has changed between then and now.  There is a lot of growth and change happening between 15 and 19 years of age.

Obviously whatever your ex bf and you had was not "IT" or you would not have broken up.  What lead up to this "break"

You're free to date whomever you want to.  I would advise against getting into another serious relationship immediately following a 3.5 year long one, especially at your age.  This is your time to experience, grow and learn.  Obviously you'll do what you want to and it seems like you're already enmeshed with the new guy.

So we actually decided to be in an open relationship pretty early on in the semester, and that went well & was healthy for us. But then I sort of started feeling like I needed more space and independence as I wasn’t putting enough energy into my friendships and self. Then it sort of led up to the break. We are right now going to stay open however, as it’s a bit complicated. We are both going abroad, including myself, for the next 6 months. 
 

yeah I definitely don’t want to jump into another relationship either which is why being abroad will be good to be away from that other guy. I just am weirded out by my feelings towards him since I’ve never felt that way before. But I also don’t want to throw away a long term relationship just because I had new feelings, so I’m not sure. Should I not stay in touch with this other guy? 

[NuevoYorko]

Not surprising that "you never felt that way before," since you've been in a relationship that started when you were 15.   Everything will be a new experience.

I suggest a clean break from the ex bf.  "Breaks" are bogus.  You are either functioning as a couple or not.  So be a free single person while you're away.   I would limit contact with the new flame.  At least please try to hold yourself back from excessive romantic stuff with him.  The last thing you need is to jump right into a locked down relationship and even worse if it's "long distance."

[stillafool]

42 minutes ago, bee said:

Hi, I’m (19) in a 3 1/2 year relationship, with my boyfriend whom I love deeply & who I have grown and developed an amazing relationship with. However, this school semester I had a class with this guy and immediately when he came in the class (like legit when he walked in) I noticed something about him, can’t explain it. I just shrugged it off. We then met through a friend and we literally had this immediate connection. My bf and I ended up going on a break around this time (related to other things, potentially along with subconscious feelings of mine in this situation, but also like previous issues on his side too.) this guy and I had mutual friends and started seeing more of each other when my boyfriend and I were on a break,  and we literally said we both felt like we’d know each other forever. All his friends eventually told me he’d never been like this with a girl and he hadn’t talked to anyone else for weeks. We started hanging out more and more for 2/3 weeks before school ended and it was so natural and I felt so safe and amazing. The way I feel towards him was like nothing I’d ever felt before, and nothing like what I felt towards my bf when we first met. (We were friends first.) so I’m super confused, as I thought what  my boyfriend and I had was IT. Is this normal? What should I do and what is this between this other guy and I? 

Your boyfriend was your first love so you've never known what it's like to be with another guy.  Rarely do we stay with our first loves.  Your bf will meet someone else he has stronger chemistry with too sooner or later.  I too don't believe in "breaks".  A break is a break up to me.  Set your bf free so he can meet and be with the girl he's supposed to be with too.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, bee said:

Hi, I’m (19) in a 3 1/2 year relationship,   what is this between this other guy and I? 

Set yourselves free. It's been too young for too long. Sometimes it is just a security blanket, but it is also holding you back.

Perhaps you have a crush, perhaps your instincts are telling you it's time to spread your wings and grow.

Your BF may be a nice guy but unfortunately you're outgrowing each other.

 

[ShyViolet]

My head exploded a little bit when you said you are 19 and you've been in a 3 1/2 year relationship.  15 is wayyy too young to enter into a long-term relationship like that.  No wonder it is falling apart now.  You need to experience life and date a variety of people, to learn about yourself.

"Breaks" are absolute BS and a cop-out.  You know the relationship isn't working, so just do what needs to be done.  Have the courage to end it properly and not leave things hanging.