Casual flux?

[Lookingforlasting]

How often has your desire for casual versus serious relationship fluctuated? And what caused the change?

And has most your life desire been for one more than the other? And how often did you fall in love while in casual mode?

Edited December 27, 2022 by Lookingforlasting

[NuevoYorko]

I've never been in "casual mode" on purpose.   I have had relationships that got sexual but never really went anywhere so we broke it off.  That's it for me.  If I'm not in a relationship I'm not seeking sexual hookups etc.   Now I believe I'm a lifer with my partner so that ship has sailed anyway.

[Gaeta]

I'm a woman & I have never looked for 'casual'.  My goal has always been to be in a monogamous loving long term relationship. Of course it starts with 'casual dating' but, to me, if at 5 dates we have not established exclusivity I do not pursue any longer. I've heard many women my age (50s) are only into casual and don't want to bother with a boyfriend. I must be one of the few exceptions who seek a true connection. Every time I fell in love in my life it was after we were exclusive.

[smackie9]

I have a few times. Dry dating spell, needing to scratch an itch. Just out of a relationship feeling thirsty. Never fell in love in casual mode. Boys were just toys. Desired a relationship more yes. 

[Alpacalia]

Ditto to smackie9. It was pretty much back-to-back serious long-term relationships for most of my life, as a result of which I simply wanted to be alone after going through a few of them. 

[Ami1uwant]

Are you referring as casual as just bring FWB or you want a monogamous relationship that isn’t serious and just fun? Are you just wanting to date many different people.

[basil67]

I'm a woman and I've only ever been interested in serious relationships.   

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Lookingforlasting said:

?And how often did you fall in love while in casual mode?

Everything is "casual" until you mutually decide to continue and solidify things. It can stay casual if both desire that, but casual arrangements often don't last or go well because eventually there's a discrepancy in feelings.

[Lookingforlasting]

I asked because I am trying to figure out if most women really are only interested in a serious/monogamous relationships but are just going along with the casual trend these days.

 

[stillafool]

I think most women are interested in a serious relationship but accept these casual arrangements, (FWB, Hookups) from guys hoping it will morp into a relationship. 

[Alpacalia]

No, not necessarily.

During some periods (I guess they would be called rebound periods, if it's what you'd like to call them), I compartmentalized and opted not to get into a deeper relationship with certain men for a variety of reasons. It depends a lot on the situation.

[BaileyB]

I’ve never been interested in a casual relationship.

[FMW]

I've never looked for either casual or serious.  I've never been interested in "dating" just to be dating, there had to be something about the other person that interested me.  So my interest has always just been to get to know more about that person.  It naturally works out that I either want to continue the relationship to see where it goes or I lose interest completely.   

 

[Lookingforlasting]

FMW....are you male?

17 minutes ago, FMW said:

I've never looked for either casual or serious......

 

 

Edited December 28, 2022 by Lookingforlasting

[Mrin]

Dude here.

So just clear something up. IMHO The way this generally goes is:

For men: The opposite of casual is commitment.

For women: The opposite of casual is emotionally connected.

That's actually pretty significant. As a dude, I have spent a significant amount of my dating time in the casual bucket. Meaning I didn't want to get committed or exclusive with any one woman. Doesn't mean that I wasn't emotionally connected to them.

I would ask the women who replied above as to whether my definition makes sense to them and weather that is being reflected in their answers.

[Gaeta]

5 hours ago, Mrin said:

For men: The opposite of casual is commitment.

For women: The opposite of casual is emotionally connected.

That's actually pretty significant. As a dude, I have spent a significant amount of my dating time in the casual bucket. Meaning I didn't want to get committed or exclusive with any one woman. Doesn't mean that I wasn't emotionally connected to them.

I would ask the women who replied above as to whether my definition makes sense to them and weather that is being reflected in their answers.

For me emotionally connected goes hand in hand with commitment (dating exclusively with intent of a LTR). If a man offered me an emotional connection but within a casual dating situation, I would not be interested. Allowing yourself to emotionally connect to someone means 'investing' yourself. I would not offer that to a man that is only looking for casual. 

Maybe we have a different definition of emotional connection. 

[stillafool]

On 12/27/2022 at 1:09 PM, Lookingforlasting said:

How often has your desire for casual versus serious relationship fluctuated? And what caused the change?

And has most your life desire been for one more than the other? And how often did you fall in love while in casual mode?

I've always ended up in serious relationships before I married my first husband and after.  I wanted more casual but it didn't pan out that way before I was married again.

[Alpacalia]

My opinion may be in the minority, even so, I feel that there are some instances where a woman can have a casual encounter and aren't concerned about taking it further than that and are not emotionally attracted. Is it worth it? Probably not. Even so, as smackie mentioned, it scratched an itch that was purely physical in nature. As far as I'm concerned, it is far better to connect on an emotional level.

[BrinnM]

I’m not generally interested in “serious” or committed or official relationships. Casual has turned serious, though, on occasion, because it just so happened. I am not willing to ever live with anybody anymore, though, let alone get married. 
 

I have fallen in love in the past with “casual” partners, yes, this has happened. And I cared for them. I “loved” them, if you will, but it never translated into something where I would’ve given up my freedom/solitude, my own home, or anything else that I appreciated about my lifestyle. That man hasn’t been invented. I do not think it’ll ever happen. But I did/do care about BFs/lovers, i always want their best and I am always there for them if they need me.