go out with me or nothing

[sporty]

Hello,

 

This is actually a bit of a moan but also a bit of a problem. I have two male friends - one is from my main social group and the other is from my college buddies group. The problem is that the two of them have for the last year or so wanted to go out with me (I'm not being big headed - they are my only fans!). I have not wanted to go out with either of them and (thanks to your advice Tony) will NOT go out with them just because it is their wish.

 

Anyway, what I have found has started to happen is that I have been sidelined by the two of them within each of the groups. I know this sounds like paranoia and I also know it is strange because there are two similar situations happening. But what I find is that they spend their time caling up other people in the groups to make arrangements, but not me. I find that when I call them there is game playing going on on their part, as if me calling had some other meaning other than me wanting to know the social arrangements or whatever.

 

Anyway,it annoys the hell out of me. In the case of the guy at college it is less important as I see less of him, but with the other guy it bugs me. I feel (actually I know!) that his attitude is that if we can't be in a relationship then we can't be friends. It is unfortunate as it means I am sidelined to some degree through what I see as no fault of my own. I could understand it if he and me had previously been going out and I could accept that this is the way things need to be, but it is all in his fantasy world. As a consequnce, I don't know what is going on half the time.

 

I don't want to confront him about it is would just give more attention to it. I also understand that it is hurtful to be aound some one who does not share the same feelings as you. I am just moving on from a situation oike that myself. But the longer this goes on the more childish I think this guy is and wish he would get over it.

 

OK, moan over. I also wanted to say that this site is excellent and there is some real sense talked here.

 

Thanks!

[liquid dream]

You sound like a really nice person, and very understanding. If these people guys appreciate that about you, and try to understand where you are coming from, then they don't seem to be worth your time. I'm not saying that your friends are really your enemies, but I mean, damn, they can at least try to see things your way. Maybe this response to your post isn't perfect, but I just think a nice person like you really deserves to be understood. Ask them why they can't seem to see where you are coming from. Don't get mad about it, just approach it politely. Say what's on your mind. That's what I would do anyway. Just be honest!

Hello, This is actually a bit of a moan but also a bit of a problem. I have two male friends - one is from my main social group and the other is from my college buddies group. The problem is that the two of them have for the last year or so wanted to go out with me (I'm not being big headed - they are my only fans!). I have not wanted to go out with either of them and (thanks to your advice Tony) will NOT go out with them just because it is their wish. Anyway, what I have found has started to happen is that I have been sidelined by the two of them within each of the groups. I know this sounds like paranoia and I also know it is strange because there are two similar situations happening. But what I find is that they spend their time caling up other people in the groups to make arrangements, but not me. I find that when I call them there is game playing going on on their part, as if me calling had some other meaning other than me wanting to know the social arrangements or whatever.

 

Anyway,it annoys the hell out of me. In the case of the guy at college it is less important as I see less of him, but with the other guy it bugs me. I feel (actually I know!) that his attitude is that if we can't be in a relationship then we can't be friends. It is unfortunate as it means I am sidelined to some degree through what I see as no fault of my own. I could understand it if he and me had previously been going out and I could accept that this is the way things need to be, but it is all in his fantasy world. As a consequnce, I don't know what is going on half the time. I don't want to confront him about it is would just give more attention to it. I also understand that it is hurtful to be aound some one who does not share the same feelings as you. I am just moving on from a situation oike that myself. But the longer this goes on the more childish I think this guy is and wish he would get over it. OK, moan over. I also wanted to say that this site is excellent and there is some real sense talked here. Thanks!

[liquid dream]

Thank you for the very nice response!!!

You sound like a really nice person, and very understanding. If these people guys appreciate that about you, and try to understand where you are coming from, then they don't seem to be worth your time. I'm not saying that your friends are really your enemies, but I mean, damn, they can at least try to see things your way. Maybe this response to your post isn't perfect, but I just think a nice person like you really deserves to be understood. Ask them why they can't seem to see where you are coming from. Don't get mad about it, just approach it politely. Say what's on your mind. That's what I would do anyway. Just be honest!

 

[Tony T]

These guys are basically children and need to grow up. Meanwhile, you need to make connections with other more reliable members of your social circle to learn what the plans are.

 

I hope you will consider making some new friends as well.

 

I think the behavior of these guys which you describe is proof positive that you shouldn't be involved with them beyond what you are now.

[sporty]

And thanks for yours!

 

I know that being honest is the best policy and that is where I fall down - I try to avoid difficult situations, especially when there is to be a potentially embarassing discussion about to take place. I put it down to the curse of being British! Maybe others would disagree. But I lived in the States for 18 months and I found the people there to be more straight talking than the Brits. It makes life easier, so why don't we do it!!.

 

But don't you think that if you show enough disinterest in someone that after about fourteen months they might get the hint? Maybe a helicopter with a banner hanging from it would work....

Hello, This is actually a bit of a moan but also a bit of a problem. I have two male friends - one is from my main social group and the other is from my college buddies group. The problem is that the two of them have for the last year or so wanted to go out with me (I'm not being big headed - they are my only fans!). I have not wanted to go out with either of them and (thanks to your advice Tony) will NOT go out with them just because it is their wish. Anyway, what I have found has started to happen is that I have been sidelined by the two of them within each of the groups. I know this sounds like paranoia and I also know it is strange because there are two similar situations happening. But what I find is that they spend their time caling up other people in the groups to make arrangements, but not me. I find that when I call them there is game playing going on on their part, as if me calling had some other meaning other than me wanting to know the social arrangements or whatever.

 

Anyway,it annoys the hell out of me. In the case of the guy at college it is less important as I see less of him, but with the other guy it bugs me. I feel (actually I know!) that his attitude is that if we can't be in a relationship then we can't be friends. It is unfortunate as it means I am sidelined to some degree through what I see as no fault of my own. I could understand it if he and me had previously been going out and I could accept that this is the way things need to be, but it is all in his fantasy world. As a consequnce, I don't know what is going on half the time. I don't want to confront him about it is would just give more attention to it. I also understand that it is hurtful to be aound some one who does not share the same feelings as you. I am just moving on from a situation oike that myself. But the longer this goes on the more childish I think this guy is and wish he would get over it. OK, moan over. I also wanted to say that this site is excellent and there is some real sense talked here. Thanks!