Is this a normal thing for a booty call to say?

[Hpchic]

12 minutes ago, glows said:

That’s wonderful that he was open and honest. See how it goes. I’m guessing there are others you’re dating and meeting also. Eventually this will wane and won’t hold much interest if you can’t see yourself with him. 

He may choose to stop seeing you too if he’s the one starting to get feelings. I don’t see this continuing for long or at most, an on/off mutually beneficial sort of companion.

He’s not catching feelings (at least not at this point) I’m certain of it.  

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

He’s not catching feelings (at least not at this point) I’m certain of it.  

I meant later down the line. Time flies when you’re having fun. 

[Gaeta]

In your opening you're saying you've been doing this fwb with him for a few months. Then you mention all together you had a total of 5 times spent together. I will conclude you don't see each other that much?

I don't think he would say that just to keep the sex going. It's not like he's got no other options. 

What ever his reasons you need to gently bring back on the fwb track.

What do you usually reply to him on that topic?

Edited December 29, 2022 by Gaeta

[Hpchic]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

In your opening you're saying you've been doing this fwb with him for a few months. Then you mention all together you had a total of 5 times spent together. I will conclude you don't see each other that much?

I don't think he would say that just to keep the sex going. It's not like he's got no other options. 

What ever his reasons you need to gently bring back on the fwb track.

What do you usually reply to him on that topic?

Yes I stated we haven’t seen each other that much.  
 

when he mentioned it on Monday I just nodded and said ok (unconvincingly).  I know I should’ve just said I like things the way they are but I was caught off guard with what he said and didn’t know how to respond.  I can see he gets in his head about a lot of things, so I didn’t want to upset him or make him feel insecure by basically saying I didn’t want to hang out with him outside the bedroom.  

[Wiseman2]

On 12/28/2022 at 11:25 AM, Hpchic said:

, he lives very close by but will me moving across town next month so I imagine we’ll be seeing each other even less.  

It will probably fade out naturally, so just enjoy each other while it lasts. Don't fret about who's catching feelings for whom. You both know it's casual and short term. There doesn't seem to be that much misunderstanding.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Hpchic said:

 I can see he gets in his head about a lot of things, so I didn’t want to upset him or make him feel insecure by basically saying I didn’t want to hang out with him outside the bedroom.  

Yes, he probably would get upset if you responded that that you didn't want to hang out outside the bedroom.  But your lack of honesty in response is just leading him on and would probably make him get in his own head even worse and cause more hurt in the long run.   You know what he's looking for, so I think it's just basic respect to confirm back to him where you stand on the matter.

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, Hpchic said:

Yes I stated we haven’t seen each other that much.  
 

when he mentioned it on Monday so I didn’t want to upset him or make him feel insecure by basically saying I didn’t want to hang out with him outside the bedroom.  

Yes you should have nipped it in the bud right then and told him you like things as they are.  It's your truth whether he gets upset or not.  Are you also planning to hang out with him if it doesn't include sex just to not hurt his feelings?

Edited December 30, 2022 by stillafool

[glows]

8 hours ago, Hpchic said:

Yes I stated we haven’t seen each other that much.  
 

when he mentioned it on Monday I just nodded and said ok (unconvincingly).  I know I should’ve just said I like things the way they are but I was caught off guard with what he said and didn’t know how to respond.  I can see he gets in his head about a lot of things, so I didn’t want to upset him or make him feel insecure by basically saying I didn’t want to hang out with him outside the bedroom.  

I don’t think you need to say much. Just mention you enjoy his company but don’t think relationship-wise that you’re a good match and meet casually. Most people don’t spell it out, “Just here for the S-E-X.”  You add some padding and extra explanation there to be a little more clear that you’re not compatible in terms of a relationship. 

Something tells me this guy is not cut out for casual sex but I could be wrong. If you feel uncomfortable end it and date others.

[Hpchic]

13 hours ago, glows said:

I don’t think you need to say much. Just mention you enjoy his company but don’t think relationship-wise that you’re a good match and meet casually. Most people don’t spell it out, “Just here for the S-E-X.”  You add some padding and extra explanation there to be a little more clear that you’re not compatible in terms of a relationship. 

Something tells me this guy is not cut out for casual sex but I could be wrong. If you feel uncomfortable end it and date others.

I actually think this guy really enjoys having casual sex. This is not a guy who contacts me every few days or even once a week.  Someone who isn’t looking for casual usually tries to maintain contact and see each other more often (at least in my experience).  I think he may just be thinking if we’re meeting up to have sex, we can also grab dinner somewhere or go for a drink.  I don’t think it’s much deeper than that honestly. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

 I don’t think it’s much deeper than that honestly. 

I think you thought it was or you wouldn't have come to this forum about it.

[glows]

3 hours ago, Hpchic said:

I actually think this guy really enjoys having casual sex. This is not a guy who contacts me every few days or even once a week.  Someone who isn’t looking for casual usually tries to maintain contact and see each other more often (at least in my experience).  I think he may just be thinking if we’re meeting up to have sex, we can also grab dinner somewhere or go for a drink.  I don’t think it’s much deeper than that honestly. 

Great - problem solved. Enjoy it for what it is. Nothing needs to be said. 

[Hpchic]

Update:

It’s funny, New Year’s came and went and he never even sent a text to wish me a Happy New Year. Not sure why, but it bothered me.  In the past when I’ve had booty calls they still wished me a happy new year, it’s just common courtesy.  I can understand if I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I had just seen him the day after Christmas.  I get that he was probably with a girl on NYE so it might’ve been awkward to text me, but he could have sent me a text the next day.  Anyway, I say all this to show he proved me right and he didn’t really mean what he said about hanging out outside the bedroom. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

In the past when I’ve had booty calls they still wished me a happy new year, it’s just common courtesy. 

HNY texts are common courtesy?  Just from booty calls....or from all friends, family and lovers?  I feel like you're really overthinking this, but don't want to assume without knowing if this is a thing of cultural importance where you are.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

Update:

It’s funny, New Year’s came and went and he never even sent a text to wish me a Happy New Year. Not sure why, but it bothered me.  In the past when I’ve had booty calls they still wished me a happy new year, it’s just common courtesy.  I can understand if I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I had just seen him the day after Christmas.  I get that he was probably with a girl on NYE so it might’ve been awkward to text me, but he could have sent me a text the next day.  Anyway, I say all this to show he proved me right and he didn’t really mean what he said about hanging out outside the bedroom. 

The next day was Monday a holiday so maybe he was still out with her.  Besides you wanted to make sure he only saw what you guys were doing as casual sex and now you know he does so that alone should make you happy.  I've never heard of F-buddies having to send holiday greetings out to their partners.

Edited January 4, 2023 by stillafool

[Hpchic]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

The next day was Monday a holiday so maybe he was still out with her.  Besides you wanted to make sure he only saw what you guys were doing as casual sex and now you know he that's it so that alone should make you happy.  I've never heard of F-buddies having to send holiday greetings out to their partners.

I wouldn’t expect a text for any other holiday from a booty call other than New Year’s.  Maybe because that’s how it’s been in the past for me.  But I get everyone is different, and I guess on the flip side I didn’t send him a text either.

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I wouldn’t expect a text for any other holiday from a booty call other than New Year’s.  Maybe because that’s how it’s been in the past for me.  But I get everyone is different, and I guess on the flip side I didn’t send him a text either.

Well like I said before, at least now you know he's not looking for anything serious.   

[Hpchic]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

HNY texts are common courtesy?  Just from booty calls....or from all friends, family and lovers?  I feel like you're really overthinking this, but don't want to assume without knowing if this is a thing of cultural importance where you are.

Yes typically HNY texts are for close friends, and family.  I guess because in the past I did receive those texts from booty calls I expected he would, especially after the way he went on about us hanging out.

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Hpchic said:

Yes typically HNY texts are for close friends, and family.  I guess because in the past I did receive those texts from booty calls I expected he would, especially after the way he went on about us hanging out.

What you have neglected to tell us is how YOU responded when he expressed interest in hanging out outside the bedroom.  If you gave him less than an enthusiastic "yes, that sounds great!" can you blame him for pulling back a bit and not wishing you HNY?

Did YOU wish him HNY?

 

[NuevoYorko]

 

"Booty call" is about the most negligible form of sexual relationship people can have with each other.  It's  far beneath "casual sex" and "FWB," which both carry with them the concept of some kind of friendly connection between the people.  The term "booty call" is actually pretty disrespectful.  It implies that there is really nothing at all interesting about the "booty call" person aside from a ... receptacle?  

This may be the first time I've seen a thread from a woman who is very determined to be seen as nothing besides her sexual organs.   It's surprising to me how much you like the "booty call" label. 

The guy wanting to have some fun, get food, etc. would probably just mean that sex is more fun for him if it's attached to a whole person.  So some laughs, grabbing a pizza, drinks, whatever, would be reasonable "foreplay" to lead up to fun sex for most people I think.  For me it sure would be.  It doesn't have to be about "catching feelings" or anything romantic.  He probably feels weird about just texting you to come over, strip down, get 'er done and go home.  I would.  

I am kind of calling you out here though.  Why did you even start this thread?  It's not rocket science; if you don't want to hang out with someone why wouldn't you just say so?  Why do you care if he texted you HNY?  Where in the world did you get the idea that would be a "common courtesy" for a booty call?   I have dozens of friends who are important to me who didn't get a HNY text from me.  This guy and you are not even friends.  You're putting weight on the situation with this guy where no weight needs to be at all.   

 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Hpchic said:

 I guess because in the past I did receive those texts from booty calls I expected he would,

What is so significant about a NY text versus a Thanksgiving, Christmas or 4th of July text?  It's just another holiday.

[Hpchic]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

What you have neglected to tell us is how YOU responded when he expressed interest in hanging out outside the bedroom.  If you gave him less than an enthusiastic "yes, that sounds great!" can you blame him for pulling back a bit and not wishing you HNY?

Did YOU wish him HNY?

 

I said ok the first time he brought it up.  When he dropped me off at home and we said our goodbyes, I said “ok see you in a month” jokingly because it had been a month since we’d last seen each other.  He responded saying again it didn’t have to be like that and that if I feel like grabbing dinner one night I should text him.  I responded saying same goes for him.

I did not wish him a HNY, I initiated the last time we met up right after Christmas and at the time I wished him happy holidays so felt a bit funny also initiating a HNY text especially since I didn’t know who he might be with

[Hpchic]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What is so significant about a NY text versus a Thanksgiving, Christmas or 4th of July text?  It's just another holiday.

I guess NY just means more to me

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Hpchic said:

I said ok the first time he brought it up.  When he dropped me off at home and we said our goodbyes, I said “ok see you in a month” jokingly because it had been a month since we’d last seen each other.  He responded saying again it didn’t have to be like that and that if I feel like grabbing dinner one night I should text him.  I responded saying same goes for him.

I did not wish him a HNY, I initiated the last time we met up right after Christmas and at the time I wished him happy holidays so felt a bit funny also initiating a HNY text especially since I didn’t know who he might be with

I can't figure out what you want to come of this arrangement....if anything at all.  Do you actually know what you want?  If not, then he won't know either and this is why he wouldn't message you

[Hpchic]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

 

"Booty call" is about the most negligible form of sexual relationship people can have with each other.  It's  far beneath "casual sex" and "FWB," which both carry with them the concept of some kind of friendly connection between the people.  The term "booty call" is actually pretty disrespectful.  It implies that there is really nothing at all interesting about the "booty call" person aside from a ... receptacle?  

This may be the first time I've seen a thread from a woman who is very determined to be seen as nothing besides her sexual organs.   It's surprising to me how much you like the "booty call" label. 

The guy wanting to have some fun, get food, etc. would probably just mean that sex is more fun for him if it's attached to a whole person.  So some laughs, grabbing a pizza, drinks, whatever, would be reasonable "foreplay" to lead up to fun sex for most people I think.  For me it sure would be.  It doesn't have to be about "catching feelings" or anything romantic.  He probably feels weird about just texting you to come over, strip down, get 'er done and go home.  I would.  

I am kind of calling you out here though.  Why did you even start this thread?  It's not rocket science; if you don't want to hang out with someone why wouldn't you just say so?  Why do you care if he texted you HNY?  Where in the world did you get the idea that would be a "common courtesy" for a booty call?   I have dozens of friends who are important to me who didn't get a HNY text from me.  This guy and you are not even friends.  You're putting weight on the situation with this guy where no weight needs to be at all.   

 

Ok let me clarify, we’ve only seen each other 5 times and 3 of those times were actual dates.  The fourth time he came over, it was late and we got right to it (at my urging, but it was late and I had to get up early the next day).  The last time it was the coldest day of the year so we decided we would stay in.  I went over to his place and we did hang out, have wine and chat for a while.  It wasn’t like I walked in and we were ripping each other’s clothes off.  So maybe I am not labeling this accurately.  My point is that it will never be anything serious .

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Hpchic

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

 My point is that it will never be anything serious .

 

Then stop expecting him to do boyfriend stuff.  You've already assigned a name to what you guys do.  Why create a thread about him when you could have just told him you don't want to get serious?  He's probably already figured that out and perhaps his other FWB wants more and he spent NYE and NY with her.  So what?  He'll be back around to you.