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Was I rude to my friend/co-worker?


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genericwhitemale

I was thinking back to a few years ago when I worked at a large supermarket during as a student (no idea why this came to mind but whatever). 

 

A bunch of us workers were standing in a circle at the end of our shift, and one of the workers (we were all sort of friends) decided said: 'Let's put Rachel (the girl who was standing next to me) in the circle!' and everyone moved a bit so that Rachel would, in fact, end up in the middle of the circle. 

 

Rachel, as it turns out, didn't want to be in the circle and backed up a bit. The crowd moved up, and she backed away again while sort of shouting: 'No!' 

 

Most people backed off at that point. I, for whatever reason, a few minutes later got behind Rachel, and the rest of the group promptly surrounded her. We didn't do anything other than stand in a circle around her. But she wouldn't talk to me for a while after this. 

 

Was I being rude or was she a bit dramatic? 

 

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2 hours ago, genericwhitemale said:

Most people backed off at that point. I, for whatever reason, a few minutes later got behind Rachel, and the rest of the group promptly surrounded her. We didn't do anything other than stand in a circle around her. But she wouldn't talk to me for a while after this. 

 

Was I being rude or was she a bit dramatic? 

 

Could you give us additional context? Did putting someone in the circle have a particular meaning to the group? Was it something that had happened to others before?

I can't speak for Rachel, but personally, I wouldn't want to be made the centre of attention in this way. I think I would also feel physically threatened to be surrounded by people in this way. It would be worse if a significant number of them were male. Because the possibility of being sexually assaulted would be at the back of my mind.

The most important thing in your story is that Rachel didn't want to be in the circle and you ultimately disrespected that. So, in a sense, this is about consent. The question for me isn't whether she was being dramatic, it's "Why didn't you respect her preference?" Are you in the habit of disrespecting other people's boundaries?

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7 hours ago, genericwhitemale said:

I was thinking back to a few years ago when I worked at a large supermarket 

The important thing is why you are thinking about this today?

It seems like you regret taking part in this bullying and that's good insight.

 

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