Jaffa Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 So, i have been with my partner for nearly 4 yrs and lived together for 2 & a half yrs. The past year has been pretty unsettled but we have worked things out and carried on. Last week when we where having a ding dong he said some horrible things to me, calling me stupid and that i am mental etc etc & that he wanted to finish it with me back i March but didnt because he would be lonely! This crushed me completely! I sat up most of the night emailing letting agencies to try and find somewhere to go but struggling with finding a place that will accept my dog. Anyway the next day he is full of apologies and that he didnt mean it and that he loves me & realises that he gets things wrong so we talk and work through it but i am on my guard with him.( He had a car accident 15 yrs ago and has brain trauma) So tonight he comes to me and asks if he can have a female friend to talk to has she has brain trauma also. He said he has been friends with her for yrs on FB and went to school with her. Knowing his past with girls i was a bit taken a back. I asked how all of a sudden he is asking me this to find out they have been messaging each other on FB for the past week ( around the time of our argument). I replied that if i said no you would carry on anyway and if i said yes then am i opening up for them to be messaging and phone calls whilst im at work, so i asked if i could read the messages if they are only about him having a friend and helping her through a tough time but he replied with No and i should trust him. Basically i dont trust him, the last girl he made friends with he wanted to take her to the cinema and drinks, the one before that he ended up at her house till 5am ( but nothing happened!!!) Also now all of a sudden this girl he has know since school is leaving 🥰 and kisses on his pictures on FB but not ones with me in. Am i being unreasonable in asking to see these messages they have been sending each other? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 I believe that it's inappropriate to ask to see someone's messages. That said, he has also given you good reason to not trust him, so while I don't agree with asking to see the messages, I certainly understand where you're coming from. Especially with the kisses on his pictures! Between the verbal abuse and the inappropriate boundaries, I think it's time for you to seriously reconsider the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 3 hours ago, Jaffa said: I sat up most of the night emailing letting agencies to try and find somewhere to go but struggling with finding a place that will accept my dog. Sorry this is happening, but your instincts are good that you need to move out. He's abusive and the only way to get away from that is to get away from him. Don't be fooled by crocodile tears and other tactics to keep you as his punching bag. Read up on abusive relationships and the cycle of violence. Perhaps contact a domestic abuse agency for information advice and tips on how to extricate yourself from this. Talk to trusted friends and family about the abuse. Develop a plan to leave. Do not tell him. Just get the details worked out and enlist help getting out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 Keep contacting those letting agencies. He can't be trusted and there are no excuses for the way he treated you. There is definitely more to it with this girl, more than just common trauma sharing. The fact that he wont let you see their exchanges says it all. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 On 12/28/2022 at 10:56 PM, Jaffa said: Last week when we where having a ding dong he said some horrible things to me, calling me stupid and that i am mental etc etc & that he wanted to finish it with me back i March but didnt because he would be lonely! Brain injury or not you’ll really need to ask yourself here whether being his punching bag is any good to you. He’s insulted you, abused you emotionally and shown he doesn’t respect you. Forget the brain injury, forget the his female “friend” or what she posts. Truly ask yourself if you can live with this man indefinitely and whether you have any peace of mind whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
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