She wanted me before, but now I want her

[Ryannayr]

Sorry boring who might be reading this, but my issue is this:

 

I know this woman for two and a half years, (we knew each other younger but we couldn't date as we were both with others), and she was really into me, like a lot. We never dated but we hanged out on and off, we've done everything like couples here and there but then I always backed up everytime that we were meeting more often.

I always told her my intentions that I didn't want to set but she kept coming however I always felt something for her. I'm nothing special but I always thought that apart that I wanted to stay single, at the end without any offence, that perhaps she was a bit more simple for my taste (although perhaps it is what suites me best with my personality).

So we kept meeting randomly, we done cool things in 2022 together and slowly slowly I found myself inilizing her deeper if we can be compatible or not while apparently she was and cooled off from me that I might be the ideal one for her. Same for me, meeting her and doing cool stuff together, I kept believing that she's not the right one for me. We always dated on and off others, at times we were both single.

Lastly, two months ago I was promising to myself that I'm going to cut the line with her once and for all and I also was building some inner anger for her, mainly because I think that when I invented some cool outing like with jetskis or something, she came running. I decided not to text her anymore.

One time walking my dogs, I saw her in a car with another, I felt really bad, I said to myself even "bye forever". Things got very bad in my mind, jealousy (I know I'm stupid, I had more than two years) and I got lost.

A few days later, she texted me! I couldn't tell her anything wrong as I was surprised that I felt really glad she did. However her intention was just to meet again as we did before, to hang out and do whatever we used to do before, outings, cuddles, sex.

I had to tell her my feelings now, she got shocked as she wasn't expecting this now. She had a fight with whom I saw her, because he wanted a break but apparently, she is still a bit into him.

I might be completely egoist as she told me to give her time to sort her things out and it is where I told her that I won't be waiting her and it is either that we tried together now or it is over completely between us, I've done like a child maybe but I didn't want to lose her. She told me that she respects me a lot, like really good friends, that she's going to try this thing as well, we flew to Paris (instead of the guy I saw her with) for the new year while still she told me that the burn she had for me, is not there yet, if ever is coming.

We're still hanging out, sex we have although it doesn't feel the same. I never told her that my flame for her grew much bigger when I saw her with the other (he's still texting her that he regrets asking her for a break. She might still be feeling something for him.)

We know how to hang out and have fun together, yes I feel her to be a bit simple-minded with my stupid arrogant head. We're sleeping together every day. I feel lost, I feel stupid, I gave up marijuana for her easily I don't know how but I know that it would be of help. She told me that she will keep giving this a bit of time to see if this lost flame for me comes back to her....i really wish her, literally and I don't know what else I can do.

I'm stupid, I'm selfish and arrogant I believe, but I wish that it works between us. 

Anyone can suggest me what can I do? Or what not to do?

Best wishes dear all,

Ryan

[glows]

She’s not available and on /off with someone else and using you as a distraction. Why do you say she’s simple-minded? 

She has told you that she doesn’t feel a “flame” for you. I’m assuming she means she doesn’t have deeper feelings for you, no spark. 

[JTSW]

I don't think there is anything you can do.

You had your chance with her but never took it.

She no longer feels the same for you and you just have to accept that.

She feels more for this other guy so you need to respect her and let her follow her heart.

[Ryannayr]

Ladies and gentlemen, I apricate your thoughts, it's helping me seeing things from different perspective. 

This is what happened.

 

Two days after she told me that she needs her time, she texted me on fb asking me how much should she pay me for an hdmi netflix stick I left at her house as now she saw it she told me.

 

We texted a bit, I told her that I rushed, I make all kind of mistakes but this was with all good intentions.

She doesn't want that I feel bad and told me that she needs to find herself again as obviously she was in hassle and I increased it to her as she wanted me for this long, and all of a sudden we rushed doing a lot of things while there was another man a bit hanged on in her life.

This man is the one who supposed went with her to Paris and I went instead of him. He asked her for a break because his Ex was going nuts and that he need to help her, (it is here when after few months, she texted me again because the man did put her aside to help his ex. While she was still having feelings for him, she started to hated me.

Anyways, in her texts to me she told me that she even didn't get back to him (without me asking her) and she continued that I caught her in a very bad timing however if she stays away from me, she might miss me again as it happened many times before and told me that she might start getting attracted back to me but that now she needs her space. She continued that i anything, we have to start from the very beginning, meeting twice or three times per week and proceed from there.

I told her that now she knows my intentions and that I'm serious, and that know I know better her life's routine with her job together with her child (from her marriage) and that I'm ready for all of this and that I see ourselves that we might have a solid future together if we try and she replied that this she always thought that we were right together.

I continued that for now, I should be available to her but that if we see each other by mistake outside, not to get offended if I turn my head elsewhere as I would be in pain. She replied not to do so because we would be as enemies to each other but I insisted to keep it this was so it will also serve as a "no contact" situation for both of us. And she told me that she doesn't want me to feel hanging waiting her as she insisted that she doesn't want me to feel bad.

She told me that she respects me and she have nothing against me at this point. She understood that for a year and 9 months, I wasn't ready to be committed to no one and not because she had something wrong, as for this time, she thought she had something wrong.

We agreed that in both cases, bad timing was the most of them. First I wasn't ready, than she was caught with another relationship.

We are on a "no contact situation"

And we left each other "take care".

Thoughts?

I'm very obliged to you who I don't know!

May you never encounter something like my situation, I know I'm stupid at times.

Ryan

[glows]

Every time you call yourself stupid you’re reinforcing a negative self-image. Try not to do this anymore. 

She told you she doesn’t share the same feelings and needs “space”. This is tough to hear but you’ll have to accept that and take a step back. This means not being as available. 

She was wrong to tell you that she hopes she’ll miss you as it’s giving you false hope and unfair to you. What she suggested was dating going back to square one because she doesn’t have the same feelings you do. You’re dealing with someone whose heart is taken up somewhere else. 

It may or may never happen but each moment you stay in contact with her is preventing you from finding someone else. 

 

 

[Genii]

Do you think maybe this connection isn't good for either of you? Sounds like a chronic case of you constantly missing each other, trying to move on, then reeling the other person back in. Perhaps it's time to put your energies into something else, and live your lives separately.