Breakup of relationship

[George82]

My girlfriend of 4 years came across 2 photos I’d liked on IG of a girl I know wearing sexy underwear. It was 2 photos out of 1000’s one photo was earlier last year and the other almost 2 years ago, I don’t remember liking them and there was certainly nothing in it. My gf has ended things with me over this as she believes there’s more to it and says I’m not the person she thought I was. No matter how hard I try I can’t convince her otherwise, she’s totally blocked me on all platforms so I can’t contact her, so I’m not sure the No contact thing will even make a difference to her. I’m not sure what to do. Other than this incident we had a very good and loving relationship, it makes it harder to accept that she’d throw it away over this. It’s not even been 48 hours since she found the photos I’d liked, I’m hoping she’ll calm down and see sense and realise the person I am isn’t defined by me liking 2 photos. I’m not sure though, she dropped all my stuff off at my front door early this morning. I’m at a total loss as of where to go from here or what to do next. 

Edited January 7, 2023 by George82
Wrong word written

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, George82 said:

, she’s totally blocked me on all platforms so I can’t contact her., she dropped all my stuff off at my front door early this morning. 

Unfortunately it seems like there's a lot more going on and the IG thing was the final straw. Have these breakups happened before?

If you carefully reflect on whatever issues and disagreements there were in these 4 years, you'll be better able to move forward without false hope that she's just annoyed at the moment and you'll be able to reason with her.

[George82]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems like there's a lot more going on and the IG thing was the final straw. Have these breakups happened before?

If you carefully reflect on whatever issues and disagreements there were in these 4 years, you'll be better able to move forward without false hope that she's just annoyed at the moment and you'll be able to reason with her.

 No, this isn’t normal. We were both married before and both have kids from those marriages. We’ve had fallouts over different issues before but nothing serious. Her husband cheated on her and that’s what lead to the marriage ending. Her last long term relationship her partner still harboured feelings for an ex of his. Other than the IG photos there’s been nothing wrong with our relationship. We just had the most amazing festive season together and had booked a holiday for later in the year. I think she’s over reacting to this, and I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses. Or maybe im just in denial. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, George82 said:

. I think she’s over reacting to this, and I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses.  

There's not much you can do if she blocked you. However the "it's no big deal, you're overreacting" approach will certainly make matters worse by adding insult to injury. 

Edited January 7, 2023 by Wiseman2

[George82]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

There's not much you can do if she blocked you. However the "it's no big deal, you're overreacting" approach will certainly make matters worse by adding insult to injury. 

Yeah I haven’t said that to her and I’ve been sympathetic to her feelings. I can’t even remember liking the photos, and there really was nothing in it. I regret it and wish I could change it. If I’m blocked and she won’t speak to me I’m not sure how I can fix things. 

[Acacia98]

You know what? I haven't walked in her shoes. So maybe there's a back story that would explain her reaction. Maybe her ex's infidelity began with his liking sexy photos on Instagram. So this could have given her a sense of deja-vu. 

But, having said that, if I were in your shoes, I'd have second thoughts about reconciling with someone who would end a relationship over something like this (assuming you're not leaving anything out) without even taking the time to talk to me and hear my explanation of things.

[Acacia98]

By the way, how did she happen to come across these pictures? I can see her coming across the first one quite by chance. But to find the second one, she would probably have had to look through many other photos to see if you had liked them. Is that the case? If yes, then you might want to consider whether there's a side of her that you don't know: a paranoid side to her that monitors your internet use very closely. Is she generally this way or has something happened recently that has triggered her insecurities? 

[George82]

1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

By the way, how did she happen to come across these pictures? I can see her coming across the first one quite by chance. But to find the second one, she would probably have had to look through many other photos to see if you had liked them. Is that the case? If yes, then you might want to consider whether there's a side of her that you don't know: a paranoid side to her that monitors your internet use very closely. Is she generally this way or has something happened recently that has triggered her insecurities? 

Hi, thanks for your reply. I asked her how she found them, she said the girl in question popped up on her people you may know. The girl is a model that I’ve known for the last 20 years. So my girlfriend clicked on her profile and started looking, she had to scroll back a fair amount to find these 2 photos, out of the 1000’s the girl has posted I’ve only liked 2. I’m not saying that makes it right, but surely it shows I’ve no feelings for her or anything like that. Which is 100 the truth, I wish I could remember liking them and I would at least know myself what caused me to do so. I’m just a total loss as to why it’s lead to such a drastic and abrupt ending to our relationship 

[Weezy1973]

52 minutes ago, George82 said:

I’m just a total loss as to why it’s lead to such a drastic and abrupt ending to our relationship 

Three possibilities: 

1. This triggered strong negative emotions due to things that happened in her past. Dumping you was an attempt to feel better.

2. There’s more to the story. Did she meet someone else? An emotional affair? 

3. She has been silently on her way out for a long time, and this was just the trigger and she was going through the motions for awhile. 
 

If it’s option one, I think the relationship can be salvaged with a bit of time. I suspect the most likely scenario is option 3, in which case the relationship is over. Unfortunately being blocked, you don’t really have a way of knowing. . 

[George82]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Three possibilities: 

1. This triggered strong negative emotions due to things that happened in her past. Dumping you was an attempt to feel better.

2. There’s more to the story. Did she meet someone else? An emotional affair? 

3. She has been silently on her way out for a long time, and this was just the trigger and she was going through the motions for awhile. 
 

If it’s option one, I think the relationship can be salvaged with a bit of time. I suspect the most likely scenario is option 3, in which case the relationship is over. Unfortunately being blocked, you don’t really have a way of knowing. . 

I really do believe it was the first one and not the other 2. I don’t think for one minute she’d cheat herself. Our relationship is very loving and affectionate, there’s been no change with that, no sign at all anything was wrong. She’d just booked a holiday for us and the other day she added me as an emergency contact for her kids at their school. So I really do believe she wasn’t looking for an out. 

[Weezy1973]

Then you’re just going to have to give it some time. You won’t be blocked forever - your lives were intertwined. Can you reach out to her parents? I’m assuming you don’t live together, but presumably you would have had stuff at each others places? There will be an opportunity to talk at some point.

[George82]

Just now, Weezy1973 said:

Then you’re just going to have to give it some time. You won’t be blocked forever - your lives were intertwined. Can you reach out to her parents? I’m assuming you don’t live together, but presumably you would have had stuff at each others places? There will be an opportunity to talk at some point.

We don’t live together, she dropped my stuff off in a bag this morning on her way to work along with a bracelet I bought her a month ago as a little surprise. I plan on reaching out to her mum but think I’ll wait until after the weekend at least. I still have a few of her things, but will wait a bit before returning them and hopefully we can talk in a better manner, and the time apart will hopefully change her current view point. I’m really not a bad person, and I love her more than anything. There was nothing sinister in me looking those photos, foolish yes but nothing more than that. 

[basil67]

55 minutes ago, George82 said:

 I plan on reaching out to her mum but think I’ll wait until after the weekend at least.

Why would you reach out to her mum? 

[George82]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Why would you reach out to her mum? 

Honestly I don’t know, I’m not thinking logically just now if I’m being honest which is why I’m not contacting her at all in any way. I get on really well with her mum, but again my heads all over the place at this moment in time. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, George82 said:

 she said the girl in question popped up on her people you may know. The girl is a model that I’ve known for the last 20 years. 

You know this woman in person? That changes things a bit from a random IG underwear like. Stay no contact. Don't involve her family. If she reaches out fine but you'll have to give her some space.

[George82]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You know this woman in person? That changes things a bit from a random IG underwear like. Stay no contact. Don't involve her family. If she reaches out fine but you'll have to give her some space.

Yeah I know her, so I guess probably makes it worse. But genuinely have no feelings for her or don’t find her attractive, that’s the truth I’ve no reason to tell lies on here. I haven’t lied to my ex either or tried to bend the truth. I can’t even think why I liked those 2 photos. One I was beginning of 2022 and the other almost a year before that. I’ve not liked or commented on anything else she posts in all the time I’ve known her. I’ll just give my ex time and hopefully that time will heal how’s she’s feeling and she’ll realise I’m not the person she thinks I am just now. We do have so much going for us and it would be horrible to lose it over this. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, George82 said:

Yeah I know her, so I guess probably makes it worse. But genuinely have no feelings for her or don’t find her attractive, 

One thing you could do is delete and block this woman from all your social media, contact lists, devices and messaging apps.

At least she won't show up in algorithms on your GFs social media. In fact use this time to sort through your social media and clean out the dead weight as well as review your privacy settings.

Yes all you can do is time and space. No family, no contact.  Perhaps she's not ready to throw it all away, but somehow she was hurt enough to end it. But let her come to her own conclusions in her own time. 

[George82]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

One thing you could do is delete and block this woman from all your social media, contact lists, devices and messaging apps.

At least she won't show up in algorithms on your GFs social media. In fact use this time to sort through your social media and clean out the dead weight as well as review your privacy settings.

Yes all you can do is time and space. No family, no contact.  Perhaps she's not ready to throw it all away, but somehow she was hurt enough to end it. But let her come to her own conclusions in her own time. 

I already came off Facebook a while back, that was through my own choice as I felt it had a negative effect on me. I removed the girl in question as friend and have since came off IG too. I’ll have a look at my other social media, to be honest I don’t use any of them that often. Ironically only really started using Instagram as my girlfriend liked to share things with me. 
 

I don’t think deep down she wants it to be over, I’m maybe just in denial though as her actions the last 2 days would suggest it’s most definitely over as sad as that is. I hope I’m wrong though. 

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, George82 said:

So my girlfriend clicked on her profile and started looking, she had to scroll back a fair amount to find these 2 photos, out of the 1000’s the girl has posted I’ve only liked 2. I’m not saying that makes it right, but surely it shows I’ve no feelings for her or anything like that. Which is 100 the truth, I wish I could remember liking them and I would at least know myself what caused me to do so. I’m just a total loss as to why it’s lead to such a drastic and abrupt ending to our relationship 

When you put it that way, it seems even stranger. And that brings me to @Weezy1973's post:

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Three possibilities: 

1. This triggered strong negative emotions due to things that happened in her past. Dumping you was an attempt to feel better.

2. There’s more to the story. Did she meet someone else? An emotional affair? 

3. She has been silently on her way out for a long time, and this was just the trigger and she was going through the motions for awhile. 

They are all possibilities. I wouldn't rule out 2 or 3.

2 hours ago, George82 said:

I don’t think for one minute she’d cheat herself. Our relationship is very loving and affectionate, there’s been no change with that, no sign at all anything was wrong. She’d just booked a holiday for us and the other day she added me as an emergency contact for her kids at their school. So I really do believe she wasn’t looking for an out. 

I hate to say this, but you never know. Remember, it never occurred to you that she could do something like this. So she may be capable of other stuff that you haven't contemplated. Just keep an open mind. At this point, anything is possible.

By the way, how long did her relationships with her exes last?

[George82]

Her husband she met when she was 15 and was with him for 10 years until he cheated. Her only other long term relationship lasted a little over 2 years. 

[Acacia98]

21 minutes ago, George82 said:

Her husband she met when she was 15 and was with him for 10 years until he cheated. Her only other long term relationship lasted a little over 2 years. 

Hmmh... So there really isn't a pattern to speak of here?

I think your best bet is to just give her space. Respect her decision to end things and shut you out, even if it makes no sense to you. Eventually, she may reach out to you or you may come across additional information that helps you make sense of the situation.

You have my sympathy, though. I know it can be very hard to accept the end of a relationship and move on when you've been blindsided in this way.

Edited January 7, 2023 by Acacia98

[George82]

6 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

Hmmh... So there really isn't a pattern to speak of here?

I think your best bet is to just give her space. Respect her decision to end things and shut you out, even if it makes no sense to you. Eventually, she may reach out to you or you may come across additional information that helps you make sense of the situation.

You have my sympathy, though. I know it can be very hard to accept the end of a relationship and move on when you've been blindsided in this way.

I was just out a run with my son there, and a message popped up on my watch that she’d left me a voice message on WhatsApp. By the time I got back to the car the message had been deleted almost instantly after it sent. I reached out to ask what it was, but not reply. That’s a total head f**k. I’ve seen she’s changed the photo of us to one of her on WhatsApp now, so I’m guessing the message wasn’t a good one. But it’s horrible not knowing, got my hopes up slightly and feels like my hearts been crushed all over again 

[Acacia98]

She's being unfair to you. Do yourself the kindness of blocking her. 

[George82]

1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

She's being unfair to you. Do yourself the kindness of blocking her. 

I know, rightly or wrongly I liked 2 photos. It was silly of me, but I can’t take it back and I can’t even say what lead me to like them. After being together for 4 years, and everything we built together. I don’t deserve to be treated like this, it’s almost as if I don’t even exist to her now. 

[Gaeta]

You mentionned you were both married before and have children so you are not new to life. Why middle aged men need to be on IG is beyond me. If during our relationship my bf liked bikini pictures of a model he knows personally, l would flip. 

What is important to you? Re-assess your priority. If this woman is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with then delete IG. Stop waiting she uses social media to contact you, go knock at her door.