Messy

[robaday]

I was out at an event a month ago, and my ex girlfriend of 15 years ago was there. We were together only two years, but the breakup really devastated me, but I was able to get over it and have had a number of relationships since. In recent years we have become friends again and get along better than we did when we were together. 

She was at the event with her partner of four years. I have met him before, he's a nice guy and we get along well. He went to bed early, and my ex hung out with me and our mutual friends until late and tried to kiss me. I explained we could not do anything as she was with a nice guy and it wasn't fair to him. She said she never stopped loving me all these years and it has eaten her up since we broke up. She tried a few more times but I politely excused myself and walked away.

I'm left a little confused. I really loved her, still do in many ways and rejecting her was really difficult for me as she is still as beautiful and awesome as she always was. I know I did the right thing, but I can't help wondering if perhaps what she said was true, and not just alcohol talking (we were both quite drunk). None of it really matters as she has a partner, but given I didnt want the breakup way back then and fought hard to keep us together, I feel confused and its brought up a few things, despite how long ago it was that we were together. 

 

[Wiseman2]

The sooner you set yourself free from this and trying to be friends, the sooner you'll be happy and able to move forward. There's no point pining for an ex.

[CarterS]

Anyone woman who would be willing to partake in infidelity isn't a woman you'd want in your corner. You did the right thing leaving that night. Don't have any regrets. In 15 years and look how much you've changed, she also would have changed too. If youre happy with the way your life looks now, don't go and stir things up with her. She may still be beautiful on the outside, and you guys can talk like old times, but its not worth opening that can of worms. Especially if she has another guy. Its not worth it.

[glows]

I’d also be reevaluating and swiftly removing the rose coloured lenses. It might feel flattering she still thinks fondly of you or is attracted to you but she was willing to cheat on her partner. 

Maybe she is beautiful but the character of this person just sank to the ocean floor. I empathize as there certainly would be mixed feelings. I wouldn’t stay in contact.

[robaday]

Yeah you are both completely right. I was actually incredibly surprised by the whole thing and quite shocked, it kinda opened up a lot of questions in my mind, so I wont hang out with them again and keep focusing on me 

[S2B]

She is with a nice guy yet she was trying to kiss you.

she isn’t girlfriend material. I feel sorry for the nice guy - he should know what she does when he goes to bed early. He obviously trusts her yet he shouldn’t.

you dodged a bullet - be grateful. Stay away from her in the future - she’s toxic and bad news. 

[Acacia98]

I don't know the reasons why your breaking up with her devastated you, and it's likely you don't want to talk about it, which is fine. But I can't help thinking that she may be well on the way to repeating history and devastating her current partner by cheating on him and flushing their relationship down the toilet. You don't want to be any part of that. So you did the right thing by rejecting her.

Also, she's not your friend. Friends respect boundaries. She doesn't respect yours. You need to redraw those boundaries. Not spending time with them anymore is an excellent idea.

You may want to reassess whatever view you had of her and your former relationship. If you had put her on a pedestal, you now have insight into an aspect of her personality you may not have been aware of before.

[JTSW]

She gets drunk and tries to kiss you while she has a BF.

That says allot about her and none of it is good.

You steer well clear of her.

[robaday]

On 1/10/2023 at 6:30 PM, Acacia98 said:

I don't know the reasons why your breaking up with her devastated you, and it's likely you don't want to talk about it, which is fine. But I can't help thinking that she may be well on the way to repeating history and devastating her current partner by cheating on him and flushing their relationship down the toilet. You don't want to be any part of that. So you did the right thing by rejecting her.

Also, she's not your friend. Friends respect boundaries. She doesn't respect yours. You need to redraw those boundaries. Not spending time with them anymore is an excellent idea.

You may want to reassess whatever view you had of her and your former relationship. If you had put her on a pedestal, you now have insight into an aspect of her personality you may not have been aware of before.

 

I was devastated because she didn't love me as much as I loved her. That's all there was too it IMO. She wasn't mean, never cheated as far as I know, and was a loving kind girlfriend, just she didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about her and that wasn't her fault. Still devastating though. 

You are all right, it is a toxic volatile mess that I am trying to stay centred in the middle of. And I made the call the other day to block her out of my life as I dont deserve to feel these emotions as it was her who ended things and her who opened the door again and her who cannot give me what I want or deserve. 

[JTSW]

5 hours ago, robaday said:

never cheated as far as I know

Judging by the way she has tried to cheat on her current BF, I would say it's highly likely she cheated on you.

She just seems that type.