Betrayed, confused. I'm a mom.

[Noone08]

We will be 11 years together on Febbruary. We are new parents of a 15 months little boy. :') 

It's been some months that I suspect that he cheated on me. My instict says YES HE DID IT. 

I have tried to find facts but he is too smart with phones. 

I have made indirect questions and I have understood that he is lying to me. 

I see pain and regret in his eyes. For now it looks like he is tryinhg to be the good husband for real because of his repentance.

I think he had have a 2 hours cheating with someone he paid for it as he has confessed me for his single friends...  

I have tried to talk to tell what I believe but it's not worth it if I don't have facts.. It feels like he will never tell me the truth because he is afraid and he believes that I will never forgive him.  

It hurts! It hurts living like this but I can't leave him as I have my 15 months old and I need financial support for him. I don't work and I have no family or someone to help me in this country. The only way if I decide to leave him it's to go back to my country which it's no good for my child's future.

I lost my dad in August, 5 months ago and I don't want to bother my mom and my brother with my problem. I believe and I think he cheated on me after my dad died!!!  It was the only period that I wasn't " in mood " for sex in all this years together... 

For 2 months I wasn't in mood for romance and sex..  Because of my dad! This hurts to much! I can't imagine him having sex with someone when I was crying and mourning for my father... 

I'm not sure but after that period I felt like he was not totally mine during sex..  He changed is sex! He is better but I'm surprised how..suddenly?? I see pain and regret as I said.. 

For the moment I'm trying to keep things normal because I have no facts, because maybe I still love him .. because I need his financial support for my child, because I always dream for a happy and healthy family and I want to give that to my little boy...:(((( because I am so broken  mentally and emotionally after my father's death and I have no strength to do something.. because he is a good dad with my lo till now... because I see him trying to be the good husband and father.. because I don't want to upset my family with my problem.. they love my husband so much :'( and they will be shocked. They are still suffering for my dad.. I really don't know what I'm doing and why mostly.. I don't know :(( 

I'm just praying every day for a solution for a sign for a way because I don't know how it will go all this... :( 

I could express myself to no one till now! I will be blessed with some advice. Thank you for your time.

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, Noone08 said:

 

I think he had have a 2 hours cheating with someone he paid for it as he has confessed me for his single friends...  

What does this mean?   If you think he cheated for 2 hours and paid for it, you must have found some kind of receipt or something similar.  You could confront him with this, if you choose.

If you break up with him, he will have to pay spousal support and child support.   I know this is not what you want to do.  It will be important for your marriage, though, for you to get this cleared up.   

 

[Noone08]

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

What does this mean?   If you think he cheated for 2 hours and paid for it, you must have found some kind of receipt or something similar.  You could confront him with this, if you choose.

If you break up with him, he will have to pay spousal support and child support.   I know this is not what you want to do.  It will be important for your marriage, though, for you to get this cleared up.   

 

I don't have any fact or receipt. 

I just know as he was confesing me for his friends doing that. As I know him I understood he was referring to himself but he didn't admitted obviously. I can't find any receipt of it. 

I think I should make him confess ! How? It's too difficult discussing about this with him. I have tried and I'm always the crazy one overthinking second him. 

Why do you think he did that ? It's too difficult to stay 2 months without sex?

[ExpatInItaly]

I don’t quite understand. 

Do you mean he told you that one of his friends paid for sex, but you think it was actually him who paid for sex? If so, why do you think so? Has he previously given you a reason not to trust him?

Seeing pain and regret in his eyes isn’t reliable proof of anything. That’s incredibly subjective and could be you projecting. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Noone08 said:

 It's too difficult discussing about this with him. It's too difficult to stay 2 months without sex? 

Do you suspect he's having affairs or seeing escorts? On what basis do you suspect this? Or are you concerned about sex slowing down and being a stay at home mother?

Have you tried asking him directly if he is going to escorts or something having an affair?  It may be better to ask about it and discuss the lack of intimacy rather than make accusations.

Edited January 9, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Guildford]

It appears that he may have had sex with someone else in the recent past, but you cannot prove it so you cannot prove it and you cannot move on.  You say that he is now being a good father and husband, but you cannot get past your suspicions.  I suggest that you tell yourself tha

[Guildford]

It appears that he may have had sex with someone else in the recent past, but you cannot prove it and you cannot move on.  You say that he is now being a good father and husband, but you cannot get past your suspicions.  I suggest that you tell yourself that he may or may not have cheated, but you forgive him and move on.

Early in our marriage, I came home after working the graveyard shift and my wife had left for work.  What I found convinced me that she had sex with a friend that night.  When she got home, I looked her in the eye and asked her if she had sex with the friend.  She said no with no hesitation.  Years went by and there were no other suspicious incidences, but I didn't know.  About three decades went by and I largely put this behind me.  The we had a big problem in the marriage, and I convinced myself that she had cheated that night, and I became difficult to live with.  She threatened divorce and I said, get your damn divorce but first I want to know what happened that night.  She said that the friend came over to visit, tried to seduce her and when that failed tried to rape her.  I believe that after he failed, he manufactured some evidence that I found.  I am now satisfied that she did not have sex with him that night, but I spent three decades worrying about it.

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, Noone08 said:

I don't have any fact or receipt. 

I just know as he was confesing me for his friends doing that. As I know him I understood he was referring to himself but he didn't admitted obviously. I can't find any receipt of it. 

I think I should make him confess ! How? It's too difficult discussing about this with him. I have tried and I'm always the crazy one overthinking second him. 

 

He is your husband so why is it too difficult to ask him?  Are you sure you really want to know because you've said you won't leave him because of financial support so maybe it's best not to know.  

 

13 hours ago, Noone08 said:

Why do you think he did that ? It's too difficult to stay 2 months without sex?

For variety and new sex.  Men have affairs on women they have sex with every night.

[glows]

Cheating can be difficult to prove if well hidden. The problem is you feel uneasy and don’t trust your spouse. I’m very sorry for the loss of your dad.

Is your plan to remain financially dependent on him? Are you interested in taking courses or finding a job with some flexibility? What were you doing before you moved to this country?

[JTSW]

What makes you think he was the one that paid for sex and not his friend?

Do you think the grief of loosing your father and the hormones of having a baby could have skewed you rational way of thinking? 

You seem so sure but what makes you so sure?

[Jonttu]

What a difficult situation...

Ask yourself if you want the truth and nothing but the truth - or if the family unit is more important to you?

Once (when engaged to a guy) I travelled out of town to see old friends. The trip lasted one weekend.

I had never been jealous or suspicious of the guy before, my motto goes "As long as it is not brought to my attention, I trust SO". But after the weekend trip I saw this weird dream: A girl we knew talked to me in the stairway. She told that 'your guy cheated on you with me' and the weird thing was, that she didn't wear trousers, only a pantyhose?!?

Knowing he would never tell me, I took a gamble pretending to be in a huge distress, with fake tears, telling him that I cheated on him while being away, how awful it felt and how I had to break up the engagement.

He came clean almost immediately, telling we don't have to break up because he also cheated on me. The funny thing was, that it was the same girl from the dream and he pointed out, that 'she kept her pantyhose on all night'.

Long story short, once he confessed I also confessed to never cheating on him, only that I had this 'gut feeling' and wanted to know what happened. I broke the engagement, he was a mess for the next weeks and his friends pleaded with me to take him back, telling how his remorse is genuine. We got back together again.

However it is completely understandable that you want to protect your family unit, in the end it is your decision to make, you know best what to do.

Unfortunately I turned the blind eye too many times with my baby's dad. It took a serious mega-uber-storm to finally understand, that my baby is in serious danger if we stay for one more minute. Protecting the family unit was so important to me -- or so I thought at the time.