I messed up big time after a first date and deeply regret it

[uncanny]

First of all, apologies for the long post, but I need to speak my mind.

Where to start...

I (31m) matched with someone (30f) on a dating app a month ago. We clicked immediately and wrote back and forth for almost a week before I asked for her number. This was a first as I'd never experienced such a fluent connection with someone on text (and in person, more on this later) Plus someone who not only was incredibly attractive, smart and witty, but got my type of humour and banter so well. To sum it up, unlike typical interactions on dating apps that so many of you know, this was smooth sailing from the start it seemed too good to be true.

Yet, you cannot know whether there's a spark until you meet, right?

Indeed.

After I got her number, we took to chatting on WhatsApp. Our banter here was even better than on the app, and this is where it became clear she was very invested in us meeting. The chemistry was off the roof. It didn't take long and on the same day I got her number I asked her out for a coffee date the day after in the morning to which she agreed even though she was going out Saturday the night before.

The connection I described earlier materialised from the moment we saw each other and hugged, with her being incredibly physical and flirty. We grabbed some coffee and went for a walk where we chatted about many things including our goals in life and had some more awesome banter. We felt at ease as we had known each other for a while.

I walked her to her place and we sat there for a while chatting before arranging a second date for the upcoming days, no date and time set.

Now this is too good to be true, and it was. And this is where things went sour. In a moment of intimacy towards the end of the date I'd asked her if there were any red flags, and although she was hesitant to answer, she told me we were at different stages in life and that she needed to find out what she wanted. Indeed we were. She's a highly accomplished professional in her field and wanted to settle down and have kids. Myself, Im from another country and have been experiencing the backpacking life, which means I don't have a career or my own place here (live with other people) and have been doing quite a bit of travelling. On top of it, I joked that I didn't want to get married or have kids, something that looking back turned her off. Now, I do want to settle down with the right person and be stable. Bottom line I spent my 20s in a bad place and left my country for good 3 years ago on an adventure. She noticed I was visibly disappointed in hearing her reply, but she said one date wasn't enough to know someone.

Anyway,

This is where things get bad. I made the most stupid decision hours after our date. I felt bad and insecure and sent her a message saying she was probably right about the different stages in life thing and that I thought she was awesome but she should take time to think about what she wanted. She replied she definitely felt a spark and had the best banter in a long time but she'd think about it until a certain date which was 2 weeks from then. As you can imagine I felt incredibly confused and anxious as I didn't know whether she was using my message as an excuse to blow me off or was actually going to do it. After a couple of days of no contact I broke the silence and messaged her with something funny unrelated to it. She reacted positively initially but got upset at something I'd said and went cold. The next day I admitted I didn't think the time off was a good idea and that we should have the second date. She acted cold and basically turned me down. A week passed where she didn't reply to my last message. Obviously I thought she had lost interest especially as I'd acted a bit clingy, something I regret.

Shockingly to me, she reached out on the date she said she would, wished me a happy year. I thought this was a second chance. 

She was incredibly honest and said she didn't think we should date because she was ready to settle down for good and that we're in different stages in life, and that she didn't want to deal with the same issues as in her last relationship and things being unbalanced for a while. And that she didn't see things working in a bigger picture. She also said she didn't want to have to cut things off later which would be harder as she knew we'd get along well. Her decision had also been made after a lot of pondering and wasn't rushed according to her.

I thanked her for her honesty and obviously tried to convince her. She admitted that she knew that she'd like me more if she let things go further, which is why she wanted to cut things off now. I suggested talking on the phone to which she immediately agreed, calling me.

The phone conversation felt as natural as we'd known each other for a while, with me cracking jokes and the spark and chemistry still there. I basically told her I did want what she did, which I do with the right person, and that despite where I am now I wanted to become stable and didn't want to have this life forever. All true. Predictably, it was in vain as she had made her mind and didn't want me to try to convince her. She admitted to not wanting to say never and that maybe she'd go on dates and ultimately reach out to me. The craziest thing as we both said is we were having this whole conversation after a single date as if we were breaking up. I asked if there was a part of her that wondered what if, but she said she needed to think with her head and not her heart and that her gut feeling was telling her to make that decision.

I didn't want to be pushy, so I accepted her decision and...that was it. 

As you can tell, the whole situation is unusual for lack of a better word. I feel powerless and quite heartbroken because chemistry like this is incredibly hard to find, and had she known me better maybe things would have been different. We had a single date after all. I do feel regret not trying harder, but again I didn't want to sound desperate or not respect her decision. Although I understand her decision, I think there was so much for to this and her ending things before they even started because she didn't want to like me too much and end it later on is insane. What bothers me is she took bits of information here and there and made her decision from that, not from who I really am. That's what the second date was for. 

To sum this whole thing up, I might have found the right person for me at the wrong time. Or I simply messed up by sending her that stupid message. Do I know if we'd work out? Obviously not, but you never know until you try. What I do know is I do want the same things she does and I was willing to make this work had we gone out and realised we really were that compatible.

She put an end to something that had a lot of potential and it makes me feel incredibly disappointed because she knows as well as I do how rare it is to find someone that you connect with like this.

I do want to let sleeping dogs lie, but at the same time I wonder if this is one of those situations where things are worth fighting for even if there's a slight chance of showing her who I really am.

I could really use some straight to the point honest advice right now.

Thanks for reading.

[glows]

Take her word for it that it’s not a good match. You’re feeling wistful and frustrated from the rejection and think you want the same things she does but don’t have any roots or stability. Are you on a work or student visa? How do you intend to support a family or kids? 

Excellent choice on the travels though but try not to get caught up in the uniqueness of this romance. There will be many more once you start building a life of your own and have a little more flexibility. The lack of meaningful connections may be tied to the travel lifestyle.

She seems to genuinely like you but isn’t interested in dating you. I think she enjoys the idea of company and you being a back up or leaving the door open provided you are a different person with a career and place of your own and some roots. 

You may come close to what she’s interested in but not quite. It’s not in your best interests to grovel or ever try to convince someone or “fight” for a relationship - very disrespectful and overly popularized way of handling differences. It creates push/pull dynamics, on/off unstable relationships and way too many issues. 

I see where you’re going with the logic that it makes no sense to end it that might look like potential to you. However keep in mind we don’t date a person’s potential. We date who or what that person actually is. All you need to do is be respectful of her wishes and decide what’s best for yourself also. If going on the occasional date is breadcrumbs to you then say no, thanks and date other women.

[uncanny]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Take her word for it that it’s not a good match. You’re feeling wistful and frustrated from the rejection and think you want the same things she does but don’t have any roots or stability. Are you on a work or student visa? How do you intend to support a family or kids? 

Excellent choice on the travels though but try not to get caught up in the uniqueness of this romance. There will be many more once you start building a life of your own and have a little more flexibility. The lack of meaningful connections may be tied to the travel lifestyle.

She seems to genuinely like you but isn’t interested in dating you. I think she enjoys the idea of company and you being a back up or leaving the door open provided you are a different person with a career and place of your own and some roots. 

You may come close to what she’s interested in but not quite. It’s not in your best interests to grovel or ever try to convince someone or “fight” for a relationship - very disrespectful and overly popularized way of handling differences. It creates push/pull dynamics, on/off unstable relationships and way too many issues. 

I see where you’re going with the logic that it makes no sense to end it that might look like potential to you. However keep in mind we don’t date a person’s potential. We date who or what that person actually is. All you need to do is be respectful of her wishes and decide what’s best for yourself also. If going on the occasional date is breadcrumbs to you then say no, thanks and date other women.

Thanks for your reply.

Im on a work and holiday visa. Been here for a few years but as I told her I intend on staying. Something I always knew was that I would have no problem changing my lifestyle if I found the right person. It's just never happened. I do want to settle down in that case. That's for sure.

To be completely honest, it's not just the fact she turned me down romantically, but that we had a blast talking and connecting and even though it was so short lived I miss it due to that being so hard to find. 

Of course I do want to respect her decision, but I also would like to reach out and get to know her better and enjoy her company regardless of whether we turn into something or not. I'm not sad just cause she rejected me as a potential partner, but also because I genuinely wanted to get to know her. I think we are both quite unique people with an extremely similar sense of humour and I would have liked to have developed that. What I'm trying to say is I did enjoy her company a lot and according to her so did she.

Thing is, I acted desperate and clingy, and although she "ended" things in an amicable and respectful way, I've no idea how I would approach her again. I thought about giving it a while and then reaching out in a humourous way. Something light hearted and chill.

[glows]

You can try reaching out again since she hasn’t gone completely cold. Keep in mind that you’ll be seeing her date other guys who are more in line with what she believes she’s compatible with. 

To be blunt I think you were hooked too deep emotionally too quickly. The good thing is we know you are actually an emotionally available human being (not very common) but the sad thing is you may be spending it on someone who doesn’t see the same potential out of a relationship in you - not compatible.

A note as well about changing for someone: I don’t tend to think this sounds or looks very good to the other person as the other person or partner has to live with the burden that you changed for them. I don’t think it’s flattering. It’s an added risk as resentment can brew and a person just wants to go back being what they’ve been by default. You might start feeling the travel bug again or maybe you don’t have a career which is important to some. You can try it your way keeping in touch but it’s very likely you’re going to get hurt. She also cited “difference in life stages” or something to that effect. That’s usually a death knell and clear indication someone wishes to move on with no hard feelings. 

It was a little cringy in the way you asked about red flags in that first date or didn’t give her space. You seemed to anticipate the issues right away which seems puzzling why you’d want to keep pursuing something that you knew was going to cause issues.

I also think she took way too long at two weeks to decide whether to date a guy she has only matched one month ago and met only a couple of times. This is seriously over the top and dramatic if you ask me and unfair to you. Much of your communication is via text I’m assuming. 

[uncanny]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

You can try reaching out again since she hasn’t gone completely cold. Keep in mind that you’ll be seeing her date other guys who are more in line with what she believes she’s compatible with. 

To be blunt I think you were hooked too deep emotionally too quickly. The good thing is we know you are actually an emotionally available human being (not very common) but the sad thing is you may be spending it on someone who doesn’t see the same potential out of a relationship in you - not compatible.

A note as well about changing for someone: I don’t tend to think this sounds or looks very good to the other person as the other person or partner has to live with the burden that you changed for them. I don’t think it’s flattering. It’s an added risk as resentment can brew and a person just wants to go back being what they’ve been by default. You might start feeling the travel bug again or maybe you don’t have a career which is important to some. You can try it your way keeping in touch but it’s very likely you’re going to get hurt. She also cited “difference in life stages” or something to that effect. That’s usually a death knell and clear indication someone wishes to move on with no hard feelings. 

It was a little cringy in the way you asked about red flags in that first date or didn’t give her space. You seemed to anticipate the issues right away which seems puzzling why you’d want to keep pursuing something that you knew was going to cause issues.

I also think she took way too long at two weeks to decide whether to date a guy she has only matched one month ago and met only a couple of times. This is seriously over the top and dramatic if you ask me and unfair to you. Much of your communication is via text I’m assuming. 

Sorry, i should have been more clear regarding the timeline of events. 

We chatted for almost a week on text, met up once and on that day when I felt insecure and to be fair intimidated by her I sent that dumb message telling her maybe we were indeed in different life stages and that she should take some time to think. On that same day she said she would but that time off would have been 2 weeks from then. We had already agreed on a second date before that stupid message of mine so I regretted immediately. During those 2 weeks she didn't reply to my last message sent almost a week after we had the date. It was also during this time I did stupid things such as reaching out on her IG even though she'd never given it to me and matching with her again. Id deleted her number thinking she wasn't interested. So yeah, totally messed up and thought it was a lost cause and started moving on.

To my surprise, she did contact me on the very date she said she would. I explained how I realized how I had acted and that I was aware I'd probably killed off all attraction and etc but I would have liked a clean start and that I obviously liked her. An honest message, really. She not only told me I was overreacting, but she thought what I did was funny and that she would have felt different if she hadn't met me and realized I was cool.

I thought this was a second chance so you can imagine how hopeful I felt. That's when she told me her decision was made after a lot of thought despite us having good chemistry, that I made her laugh etc. She also said she didn't see us working out in a bigger picture sense and mentioned her ex and their relationship and how she didn't want to go through the same issues. She did seem down about it but sure of her decision. 

But yes, the whole situation is a bit bizarre. We indeed met only one time and I believe should have met at least twice to clear things up. I also don't really get why she took that long to think things through and get back to me.

It does puzzle me. I think it would have helped a lot getting to know her better to ease my mind.

[glows]

This probably isn’t what you’re hoping to hear but it’s becoming increasingly clear where she stands and she doesn’t want to date you. 

She made a mistake being too friendly with you in telling you her decision. She didn’t ghost you or never get back to you. It’s both honourable of her but also very naive. Unfortunately what happens is the other party (you here) is left feeling confused and as if there’s a second chance. 

Even if you reach out to her again, you must have some idea about the high probability of her turning you down again. Or just not responding. You can try. You can’t control her or manipulate someone into wanting to be with you. She either does or she doesn’t. She’s told you she doesn’t see you working out in the bigger picture. You can disagree till the cows come home with her but it doesn’t change her stance if that’s what she goes by.

[JTSW]

She is looking for stability therefore doesn't see you as the right match.

The moment you declared that you didn't want to get married and have kids was the moment she didn't see you as a match.

She likes you of course.

You just need to give her some space for now.

Don't push the matter. 

[uncanny]

I think I'm better off just deleting her number and moving on. I've been feeling terrible ever since I sent that message feeling like a lost a potentially good relationship. It's affected my sleep, work, activities, the whole works. Sounds like I get attached easily, but it rarely happens I like someone romantically. It happened and I did fall hard. Even she said she appreciated how rare it was to find this sort of chemistry. And during our last text convo before the phone call she mentioned that based on what I've been saying she was emotionally intelligent as she could tell she would like me. Obviously she didn't want to take that risk. At one point I said closure was important and she went like damn what have I done to you. Shes smart and could tell where I was coming from.

So, yeah, if she ever feels like reaching out she has my number although the chances of that happening are slim to none. 

Its a bummer how I acted and how everything played out considering we could have maybe got something good out of it. I'll be honest here and say I've never connected with someone like I did with her especially my sense of humour. 

Hope I can get over all this soon. 

 

[Acacia98]

The fact that you allowed your insecurities to get the better of you, seemingly self-sabotaged, and then reacted so strongly to something that you've mainly built up in your mind suggests that you're really not in the right headspace to be dating anyone.

I think that, like her, you need to take the time to figure out what you want. I don't know the details of your background, but your description of your leaving your home country (and presumably your family of origin) for good suggests that there may be some painful issues there you will need to work through in order to become more secure.

If it's any consolation, the fact that you connected with her means that it is indeed possible for you to connect with someone. It will happen again. You just need to be in a better place emotionally when it does happen.

Edited January 11, 2023 by Acacia98

[glows]

You sped up the discovery of incompatibility. I don’t think you ruined anything with your messages. It would not have worked out considering what she thinks of the situation. You both might have gone on a couple more dates and been more attached but ended in heartache either way.

Give it some time but keep an open mind when you meet new people eventually. 

I suggest you decide what you want to do with your life in this country and start working on a career or building a life and feeling stable, motivated and so on. Having your own place will also radically increase your chances of meeting someone compatible or open up your dating pool.

[uncanny]

3 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

The fact that you allowed your insecurities to get the better of you, seemingly self-sabotaged, and then reacted so strongly to something that you've mainly built up in your mind suggests that you're really not in the right headspace to be dating anyone.

I think that, like her, you need to take the time to figure out what you want. I don't know the details of your background, but your description of your leaving your home country (and presumably your family of origin) for good suggests that there may be some painful issues there you will need to work through in order to become more secure.

If it's any consolation, the fact that you connected with her means that it is indeed possible for you to connect with someone. It will happen again. You just need to be in a better place emotionally when it does happen.

I think you might be right regarding the dating part. I probably need to work on myself before jumping into something.

Regarding the other part, not at all. Ive always wanted to explore the world and find a better life for myself. If anything it was the best decision I've ever made.

[JTSW]

You don't have to delete her number.

Give her some space and maybe make some changes, i.e. stable job and home.

You are very free-willed which isn't bad, but also not what she's looking for.

Show her that you want the same things she does.

 

[uncanny]

1 minute ago, JTSW said:

You don't have to delete her number.

Give her some space and maybe make some changes, i.e. stable job and home.

You are very free-willed which isn't bad, but also not what she's looking for.

Show her that you want the same things she does.

 

If I was to do that I'd do it for myself not someone else though. Those are huge things that would take a long time to materialize. 

Maybe it just really shows she's not for me cause if she was she would accept me how I am at this point in my life and would have given it a chance to know me better.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, uncanny said:

 after I got her number, we took to chatting on WhatsApp. Our banter here was even better than on the app,  

Sorry you are disappointed. Unfortunately one and done dates are common. Even if it went well and there was some good chemistry.

It's good she was straight up about different lifestyles. That's ok. Not everyone is our match.

The only suggestion is there seems to be too much emphasis on chatting before meeting and too much emphasis on "banter". Which is fun but doesn't mean anything.

This can give you the impression that there's more chemistry than there really is because it's just texting at that point.

Next time try to meet sooner than later. This way you haven't built up too much in your mind and gotten your hopes up too much. 

[uncanny]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry you are disappointed. Unfortunately one and done dates are common. Even if it went well and there was some good chemistry.

It's good she was straight up about different lifestyles. That's ok. Not everyone is our match.

The only suggestion is there seems to be too much emphasis on chatting before meeting and too much emphasis on "banter". Which is fun but doesn't mean anything.

This can give you the impression that there's more chemistry than there really is because it's just texting at that point.

Next time try to meet sooner than later. This way you haven't built up too much in your mind and gotten your hopes up too much. 

I agree with you, especially the banter part.

Ironically, even though she said on the date she had no expectations, it was clear she was way more excited than me about it. As in she was quite touchy from the start, and even joked about kissing and making out beforehand on text. It all seemed to good to be true to be fair. When I got there and called her, she sounded as if she was falling for me considering how excited she sounded. This is partly why what followed broke me that badly.

[Ray_xx]

5 hours ago, uncanny said:

First of all, apologies for the long post, but I need to speak my mind.

Where to start...

I (31m) matched with someone (30f) on a dating app a month ago. We clicked immediately and wrote back and forth for almost a week before I asked for her number. This was a first as I'd never experienced such a fluent connection with someone on text (and in person, more on this later) Plus someone who not only was incredibly attractive, smart and witty, but got my type of humour and banter so well. To sum it up, unlike typical interactions on dating apps that so many of you know, this was smooth sailing from the start it seemed too good to be true.

Yet, you cannot know whether there's a spark until you meet, right?

Indeed.

After I got her number, we took to chatting on WhatsApp. Our banter here was even better than on the app, and this is where it became clear she was very invested in us meeting. The chemistry was off the roof. It didn't take long and on the same day I got her number I asked her out for a coffee date the day after in the morning to which she agreed even though she was going out Saturday the night before.

The connection I described earlier materialised from the moment we saw each other and hugged, with her being incredibly physical and flirty. We grabbed some coffee and went for a walk where we chatted about many things including our goals in life and had some more awesome banter. We felt at ease as we had known each other for a while.

I walked her to her place and we sat there for a while chatting before arranging a second date for the upcoming days, no date and time set.

Now this is too good to be true, and it was. And this is where things went sour. In a moment of intimacy towards the end of the date I'd asked her if there were any red flags, and although she was hesitant to answer, she told me we were at different stages in life and that she needed to find out what she wanted. Indeed we were. She's a highly accomplished professional in her field and wanted to settle down and have kids. Myself, Im from another country and have been experiencing the backpacking life, which means I don't have a career or my own place here (live with other people) and have been doing quite a bit of travelling. On top of it, I joked that I didn't want to get married or have kids, something that looking back turned her off. Now, I do want to settle down with the right person and be stable. Bottom line I spent my 20s in a bad place and left my country for good 3 years ago on an adventure. She noticed I was visibly disappointed in hearing her reply, but she said one date wasn't enough to know someone.

Anyway,

This is where things get bad. I made the most stupid decision hours after our date. I felt bad and insecure and sent her a message saying she was probably right about the different stages in life thing and that I thought she was awesome but she should take time to think about what she wanted. She replied she definitely felt a spark and had the best banter in a long time but she'd think about it until a certain date which was 2 weeks from then. As you can imagine I felt incredibly confused and anxious as I didn't know whether she was using my message as an excuse to blow me off or was actually going to do it. After a couple of days of no contact I broke the silence and messaged her with something funny unrelated to it. She reacted positively initially but got upset at something I'd said and went cold. The next day I admitted I didn't think the time off was a good idea and that we should have the second date. She acted cold and basically turned me down. A week passed where she didn't reply to my last message. Obviously I thought she had lost interest especially as I'd acted a bit clingy, something I regret.

Shockingly to me, she reached out on the date she said she would, wished me a happy year. I thought this was a second chance. 

She was incredibly honest and said she didn't think we should date because she was ready to settle down for good and that we're in different stages in life, and that she didn't want to deal with the same issues as in her last relationship and things being unbalanced for a while. And that she didn't see things working in a bigger picture. She also said she didn't want to have to cut things off later which would be harder as she knew we'd get along well. Her decision had also been made after a lot of pondering and wasn't rushed according to her.

I thanked her for her honesty and obviously tried to convince her. She admitted that she knew that she'd like me more if she let things go further, which is why she wanted to cut things off now. I suggested talking on the phone to which she immediately agreed, calling me.

The phone conversation felt as natural as we'd known each other for a while, with me cracking jokes and the spark and chemistry still there. I basically told her I did want what she did, which I do with the right person, and that despite where I am now I wanted to become stable and didn't want to have this life forever. All true. Predictably, it was in vain as she had made her mind and didn't want me to try to convince her. She admitted to not wanting to say never and that maybe she'd go on dates and ultimately reach out to me. The craziest thing as we both said is we were having this whole conversation after a single date as if we were breaking up. I asked if there was a part of her that wondered what if, but she said she needed to think with her head and not her heart and that her gut feeling was telling her to make that decision.

I didn't want to be pushy, so I accepted her decision and...that was it. 

As you can tell, the whole situation is unusual for lack of a better word. I feel powerless and quite heartbroken because chemistry like this is incredibly hard to find, and had she known me better maybe things would have been different. We had a single date after all. I do feel regret not trying harder, but again I didn't want to sound desperate or not respect her decision. Although I understand her decision, I think there was so much for to this and her ending things before they even started because she didn't want to like me too much and end it later on is insane. What bothers me is she took bits of information here and there and made her decision from that, not from who I really am. That's what the second date was for. 

To sum this whole thing up, I might have found the right person for me at the wrong time. Or I simply messed up by sending her that stupid message. Do I know if we'd work out? Obviously not, but you never know until you try. What I do know is I do want the same things she does and I was willing to make this work had we gone out and realised we really were that compatible.

She put an end to something that had a lot of potential and it makes me feel incredibly disappointed because she knows as well as I do how rare it is to find someone that you connect with like this.

I do want to let sleeping dogs lie, but at the same time I wonder if this is one of those situations where things are worth fighting for even if there's a slight chance of showing her who I really am.

I could really use some straight to the point honest advice right now.

Thanks for reading.

I can answer this well as I am a 30 year old female and had recent experiences which relate to this one. She is testing you - she does like you but is playing ''cool'' and ''hard to get'' to try and direct you to chase her and reassure her you are looking to settle down. If a girl did not like you she wouldn't even explain half as much as she already has and she certainly  wouldn't message you. Leave her as she is playing it down but really she wants you to tell her that you are ready to settle (creepy behavior as you have only met her once anyway_ leave her as she sounds clingy and can only imagine how she would act 4 weeks into a situation ship! 

[uncanny]

6 minutes ago, Ray_xx said:

I can answer this well as I am a 30 year old female and had recent experiences which relate to this one. She is testing you - she does like you but is playing ''cool'' and ''hard to get'' to try and direct you to chase her and reassure her you are looking to settle down. If a girl did not like you she wouldn't even explain half as much as she already has and she certainly  wouldn't message you. Leave her as she is playing it down but really she wants you to tell her that you are ready to settle (creepy behavior as you have only met her once anyway_ leave her as she sounds clingy and can only imagine how she would act 4 weeks into a situation ship! 

Don't think this is the case as she was very mature and respectful when we last talked. She said it was her gut feeling telling her it was the right decision. Plus it'll be 2 weeks we stopped talking. It is what it is sadly...

If anything, I was the clingy one when I should have played it cool and rushed anything 

Edited January 11, 2023 by uncanny
Forgot to add something

[Ray_xx]

1 minute ago, uncanny said:

Don't think this is the case as she was very mature and respectful when we last talked. She said it was her gut feeling telling her it was the right decision. Plus it'll be 2 weeks we stopped talking. It is what it is sadly...

Okay well reading this as a women, I do think that there is some ''please chase me involved'' and if I am wrong I cannot understand why she messaged you saying happy new year. It's more hurtful to be nice and contact you rather than leaving you alone completely if she doesn't want anything. 

[uncanny]

1 minute ago, Ray_xx said:

Okay well reading this as a women, I do think that there is some ''please chase me involved'' and if I am wrong I cannot understand why she messaged you saying happy new year. It's more hurtful to be nice and contact you rather than leaving you alone completely if she doesn't want anything. 

I take it she did because that's the kind of nice person she showed she was from the start. She wanted to be fair and own up to what she said. It does hurt she said what she did afterwards but I did try to convince her to give it a shot. I guess she liked me enough and took it seriously to do all that and call me to talk about it after I asked her (even though she said she hadn't called me so I could convince her)

I think this has hurt me enough I need to try to move forward somehow.

[Ray_xx]

1 minute ago, uncanny said:

I take it she did because that's the kind of nice person she showed she was from the start. She wanted to be fair and own up to what she said. It does hurt she said what she did afterwards but I did try to convince her to give it a shot. I guess she liked me enough and took it seriously to do all that and call me to talk about it after I asked her (even though she said she hadn't called me so I could convince her)

I think this has hurt me enough I need to try to move forward somehow.

You will be fine! you only met her once! get back on the dating app and see what other girls are there  there's plenty of us 

[uncanny]

Just now, Ray_xx said:

You will be fine! you only met her once! get back on the dating app and see what other girls are there /cdn-cgi/mirage/815737df23247dce27b85c73da4f0966a83d11e61a19122ad3a9a0bf3f95e5cc/1280/https://www.loveshack.org/content/emoticons/smile.gif.365fdc925ab7f51a9626f13390a96867.gif there's plenty of us 

Thanks. I have been doing that and went on another date with someone else too. Nothing like the chemistry I felt before though. I sort of hate the fact I matched with her. I'll be honest, I've been using dating apps on and off for a while now and she was the first person to invest as much as I did in the conversation from the start. Everything just flowed. Was a breath of fresh air really.

[Ray_xx]

Just now, uncanny said:

Thanks. I have been doing that and went on another date with someone else too. Nothing like the chemistry I felt before though. I sort of hate the fact I matched with her. I'll be honest, I've been using dating apps on and off for a while now and she was the first person to invest as much as I did in the conversation from the start. Everything just flowed. Was a breath of fresh air really.

Yep I matched with someone recently and we have mutual friends. I am 30 years old but my crush feeling towards him reminds me of being a teenager again. We text for 6 weeks, met once and had a cheeky little kiss and a chat, text after that to meet up and all of a sudden we both have gone BOOM quiet. I reaaaaally like this guy but I am just like what is the point anymore. I am in the exact same mind set as I cannot forget this one guy who I want badly and trying to take my mind off him with others. It really is connection isn't it 

[uncanny]

Believe it or not guys, not long after Id deleted her number and unmatched her she popped on the most compatible section on the app.

Can't make this stuff up

Some things that happened here were a bit bizarre 

Edited January 11, 2023 by uncanny
Clarifying

[Alpacalia]

Nothing has been messed up by you.

The two of you are just at different stages in your lives.

[uncanny]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Nothing has been messed up by you.

The two of you are just at different stages in your lives.

Think you might be right. It just blows when I finally meet someone I got along with so well, get a slight taste and everything ends abruptly.