Should I use tinder for hookups? I don't know where else to find hookups

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Chloeflowers said:

-but going to his place afterward -can be risky...other places for hookups in public? Car? Parks? 

Unfortunately getting in a random guys vehicle or going off to a remote park are equally risky. Not to mention possible legal consequences. If you are interested in hooking up, then meet up for a drink in a hotel and see how it goes. If you're not interested, say good night and if you are get a room.

[NuevoYorko]

How about a male escort service?  You'd have to pay but you'd be pretty secure in knowing what you're getting, and the fellow would be motivated to please you ... not just himself.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

How about a male escort service?  You'd have to pay but you'd be pretty secure in knowing what you're getting, and the fellow would be motivated to please you ... not just himself.

This is a good idea OP.  My cousin did this when her husband passed away.  She just wanted sex and she said he was really good.  She didn't want conversation, she didn't even want to know his name.

 

[mark clemson]

17 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I still fear for my safely. What if I go to his place and 3 dudes jump out? Or he holds me captive for days? I've heard stories of this kind of thing happening. When hooking up with a stranger on an app-what is the best way? Would it be safer to get a hotel room? There are cameras and people around. 

Nothing can ensure perfect safety either with OLD or with RL dating. And once in a while, unfortunately, things do happen.

One possible thing to consider would be to enlist a few GFs to "keep an eye on you" remotely, e.g. by checking in with you occasionally via text. You would let them know where you are and where you are headed if you move elsewhere. You ask them to text you e.g. every 2 hours to ensure things are ok. You take a pic of the guy so you can show it was him you were with. You don't want to go overboard, but precautions like this can help + may make you feel more secure as well.

Nothing can provide perfect security, but one key is letting folks know that there are easier, less risky targets and that (just in case the guy actually is a bad guy) you would be a high risk target. So, you let him know you have a couple GFs checking in on you. Don't be shy about taking his pic, etc.

Experienced men will understand why you might feel the need to do this early on. So long as you are not super-pushy/over-the-top about it, they are unlikely to be put off. IF they have a huge problem with you having a few safety precautions in place, that is a red flag. Even if they're not actually planning something bad, they may have other personality issues that make them poor partners, and that might extend to hook ups as well.

[Chloeflowers]

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

How about a male escort service?  You'd have to pay but you'd be pretty secure in knowing what you're getting, and the fellow would be motivated to please you ... not just himself.

I just checked out a male escort service online from my area, the guys were undesirable. 

[stillafool]

Why does he have to be from your area?  Widen your search.

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I just checked out a male escort service online from my area, the guys were undesirable. 

It's curious that men that are in the escort business are less desireable then the men on tinder.

[Mrin]

OP you are making this way too hard. Match with a guy that you like. Tell him that you are looking for NSA sex. Tell him that you want him to meet you at a bar nearby. If you hit it off, the next step is to get a hotel room and see if you click sexually. That may or may not happen the same night - It all depends on how you feel. You will split the drinks at the bar but he will pick up the hotel room tab. After that it may progress to your place or his place if you guys strike up a regular thing. 

Aside: look you are trying to find a hookup and you are looking outside of your current social circle. You have to understand that that by definition means you are taking some risks. All that being said the scenario that I outlined above is pretty common. And pretty low risk. 

Best of luck!

Mrin

[NuevoYorko]

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I just checked out a male escort service online from my area, the guys were undesirable. 

So I just checked one out myself.  The guys pictured were far above average.  Now I hope they don't start spamming me.  

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

So I just checked one out myself.  The guys pictured were far above average.  Now I hope they don't start spamming me.  

My sister showed me pics once of men on there. Lots of shirtless pics. Be prepared.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I just checked out a male escort service online from my area, the guys were undesirable. 

The first thing to check out is if prostitution is legal in your jurisdiction.

Why not use hookup apps such as tinder (and see if there are others).

Then meet in a hotel lounge/bar and if there's attraction, get a room, if not, say goodnight.  That may fit the purposes your looking for with less risks. 

Edited February 10, 2023 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

So I just checked one out myself.  The guys pictured were far above average.  Now I hope they don't start spamming me.  

They have to be so I'm not sure what kind of service OP reviewed.  At least with an Escort Service they have been screened for STDs, which is a requirement.  You won't get that on Tinder.

What's going on OP are you not getting any takers off Tinder?

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

My sister showed me pics once of men on there. Lots of shirtless pics. Be prepared.

Just to clarify, I meant the shirtless pics of the men on Tinder. 

OP, yes, safety is a big concern. I would meet like suggested at a neutral spot for like coffee or something. Go out a 2nd time, and then see if you feel more safe.

[stillafool]

OP has stated previously she's only interested in sex with a "hot guy" because they never approach her.  This is why not just any guy will do for sex.  Her best chances for getting a really hot guy stranger, who will give good sex and is safe is an escort.  Obviously make sure the service is legal.

Edited February 10, 2023 by stillafool

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

 

What's going on OP are you not getting any takers off Tinder?

I meant to say "are you not getting any takers off Tinder that interest you."

The other advantage of using a service is you can describe the type of looks and personality you desire and they will fulfill it.

[Weezy1973]

Another question OP - do you get some sort of affirmation of worth if you have a hot guy pursuing you for sex? Put another way, does the fact that hot guys aren’t pursuing you, even for easy, no strings attached sex, make you feel bad about yourself? Im just trying to work out what any of this would benefit over just masturbating. It seems like a lot of time and effort and potentially money if you go the escort route, for an orgasm which you presumably can achieve just as well (or better!) on your own. 

[Chloeflowers]

So I matched with a guy on tinder like 2 weeks ago, it looked like he was in town for the weekend, he lives in another nearby state, we snapchatted, exchanged photos and videos and asked if I wanted to get together with him the next time he is in town, I said yes, I'm down for that, then I asked if I ever come to his city, I told him I don't go to that city often for travel. He seemed cool. Well, last night, he snap called/videoed me, and I didn't pick up because I was at an event, he texted me and told him that I "need to send him some sexy videos soon and right now." I told him that I will but can't at the moment. He then got angry and texted me that he doesn't want to hear excuses, that I should go to the bathroom and send him a video. I didn't respond. I got turned off and thought that was some red flags, I mean for him to get angry, defensive when I specifically told him that I will be sending him a video as soon as I got home, who knows what kind of reaction/temper being lost is if we were to meet? He wanted a video right then and there, I was at an event, where I couldn't. If it was the other way around, he wouldn't drop everything if I made that request. 

Should I have dropped everything and gone to a nearby bathroom when I'm busy and at an event with people? I told him I was going to send him a video when I get home in a few hours. Why couldn't he wait? I just thought that was rude. I felt that he was bossing me around 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

 I told him I was going to send him a video when I get home in a few hours. Why couldn't he wait? 

Try to keep it simple before meeting. Don't exchange social media or videos.

As you found out, he's a bit of a weirdo. Meet for coffee after a couple messages. Then decide if you want to hookup.

Try to keep the intrigue alive rather than oversaturating with too much too soon as far as social media, videos and general overexposure.

Edited March 13, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Chloeflowers]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to keep it simple before meeting. Don't exchange social media or videos.

As you found out, he's a bit of a weirdo. Meet for coffee after a couple messages. Then decide if you want to hookup.

Try to keep the intrigue alive rather than oversaturating with too much too soon as far as social media, videos and general overexposure.

Well,  he lives in another state like 402 miles from me, and we somehow matched because he was in town a few weekends ago. So I guess he wanted to do the "long distance" video thing until the day we meet to hook up. But still why the heck should he be angry anyway, no way am I going to give in and drop everything when I was in the middle of something. He wouldn't do the same thing either.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Chloeflowers said:

 he lives in another state like 402 miles from me, 

Yeah, just delete those asap. Try to stay in a doable range.

[Alpacalia]

No, you should not have dropped everything and gone to a nearby bathroom when you are busy and at an event with people. It is absolutely not okay for someone to demand that you do something like that and to get angry and defensive when you told him that you would send him a video when you got home.

On the other hand, this is a casual sexual encounter. Those men treat women they casually hook-up with like crap because they can.

There is nothing wrong with saying no and removing yourself from that situation. You do not owe anyone anything and you should never feel pressured to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

[NuevoYorko]

This guy sounds absolutely repulsive.  But I guess he's hot and that's your sole requirement, so you do you.

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Why couldn't he wait? I just thought that was rude. I felt that he was bossing me around 

He couldn't wait because he was probably masturbating and needed that picture to finish.  Really is this the best you can do?  I'm sorry but why do you even entertain guys who treat you like nothing.  It's obvious he just wants a dirty picture and he has no intention of seeing you in person because you live 402 miles away.  He's probably married or has a gf.  Just take a break from dating for a while.  I hate how you let these men treat you.

Edited March 13, 2023 by stillafool

[Chloeflowers]

20 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

No, you should not have dropped everything and gone to a nearby bathroom when you are busy and at an event with people. It is absolutely not okay for someone to demand that you do something like that and to get angry and defensive when you told him that you would send him a video when you got home.n

On the other hand, this is a casual sexual encounter. Those men treat women they casually hook-up with like crap because they can.

There is nothing wrong with saying no and removing yourself from that situation. You do not owe anyone anything and you should never feel pressured to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

Why do men treat hookup women like crap in the first place? Do they view them as cheap stripper? So if I act like a prude will they respect me?

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Why do men treat hookup women like crap in the first place? Do they view them as cheap stripper? So if I act like a prude will they respect me?

Men are not a monolith who all think and act the same way.  Some treat all women well and others treat all women badly.  Regarding the bathroom incident, I doubt this was because you were a hookup - rather, he'd probably try that on any woman.

Broadly speaking though, the whole idea of hookups is that they are meaningless.  If you want someone who treats you as something special, aim for a boyfriend.  And no, acting like a prude will not help.  And it is pointless if you're trying to get laid

 

Edited March 13, 2023 by basil67