People who leave me on read (merged thread)

[hmmhmmm2]

So I had a very good female friend, we hung out a few times. But, she wound up ignoring my text once, so I walked away. Well, a few weeks later she messaged me asking why she hadn't heard from me. I just said I had been busy; and brought up the ignoring. She said she was dating a guy at the time and wasn't sure what to do. Shortly thereafter, she broke up with said guy, and she and I hung out a bit, but then I moved away. I tried to stay in touch, and she reciprocated well for a while, until she didn't. I felt like we had a good friendship, so I asked her about it, and she told me to not worry about it, and that she's really bad with texting. Thing is, while I don't reach out all the time, I'll try to check in from time to time, and she just hasn't responded to anything for months now. Sure, it could be a new number, but I just feel like she's ignoring me. Or maybe she is really bad at texting. What makes this weird is her reaching out to me when I don't give her attention. Though, I feel by giving her the attention she wanted, it actually may have driven her away.

Edited February 5, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, mlssufan01 said:

 she just hasn't responded to anything for months now. 

Unfortunately she doesn't seem worth your time and energy. She's not really a friend nor dating interest so reconsider bothering with this.

[glows]

It’s ok to let it go. Things have changed and you’ve moved. Make other friends. How are things now for you where you moved? Are you settling in ok?

If she reaches out you can respond whenever is good for you. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to respond or catch up soon. 

 

[hmmhmmm2]

6 hours ago, glows said:

It’s ok to let it go. Things have changed and you’ve moved. Make other friends. How are things now for you where you moved? Are you settling in ok?

If she reaches out you can respond whenever is good for you. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to respond or catch up soon. 

 

Well, yes and no. I just moved into a new place, all to myself, no roommates, so that's a plus. However, I also got a travel job, so I'm constantly on the road, like probably 80-90% of the year. I love the job; but finding a social life is near impossible for me due to this. Of course, work relationships (romantic and platonic) are forbidden, so that's out of the question, too, not that I really want to date a coworker anyway.

[glows]

That’s a lot of change in a short time. Give yourself more time to settle into the new job. It’ll likely take a little longer to get used to the new place if you’re not long around enough to settle in as if you had a ordinary local job. 

This person hasn’t been much of a friend to you lately so adjust and place less expectations on her. Shift your priorities to making sure you’re transitioning smoothly to your new job and see what opportunities there are. Friends may not be a priority right now. Saving money or enjoying your travels might be more of a priority to you. 

Edited January 15, 2023 by glows

[ShyViolet]

"I'm bad at texting".  I don't know what this means.  It is utter BS.  If someone wants to be friends with you and wants to give you a basic level of respect as a friend then they respond to your texts.  That's not too much to ask.  If a person regularly ignores your texts and fails to respond, then stop wasting your time with them and cut them out of your life.  Ignoring someone and not answering is just plain rude.  This is not a friendship.

[basil67]

On 1/15/2023 at 4:38 PM, mlssufan01 said:

So I had a very good female friend, we hung out a few times. But, she wound up ignoring my text once, so I walked away.

I feel like a whole lot of back history is missing  and the interaction between you is far more complex than you're describing. 

If we start at the beginning of your first post, I can't figure out why you'd walk away from a very good friend who "ignored" your text one time.  People miss texts or mean to reply and forget.  But it's unfathomable to me that you're so unforgiving that you'd walk away from a dear friend over one missed text.

Then she did text you and you responded.  Now she's not texting you at all.   I reckon you said or did something between her messaging you and her now refusing to speak to you.

[NuevoYorko]

I accidentally fail to respond to texts from good friends or family members ALL  THE   TIME.  Sometimes I get a ton of texts during the day when I'm very busy with work or other things. I read, and  I decide to deal with it later.   On the way to "later," a bunch more  texts arrived.  The earlier one, which I already read, gets forgotten and doesn't show as new.  

I'm sure I'm not the only person this happens to.  

[JTSW]

You both have your own lives and you both clearly got a lot going on.

You strike me as the type that expects allot from a friendship.

She missed one text and you bailed on the whole friendship.

Bit extreme in my opinion.

She's living her life with her boyfriend, not sitting staring at her phone in case you text. 

If you were a true friend then it wouldn't matter how often you text each other or how long it takes for a response.

 

[hmmhmmm2]

On 1/17/2023 at 5:08 AM, JTSW said:

You both have your own lives and you both clearly got a lot going on.

You strike me as the type that expects allot from a friendship.

She missed one text and you bailed on the whole friendship.

Bit extreme in my opinion.

She's living her life with her boyfriend, not sitting staring at her phone in case you text. 

If you were a true friend then it wouldn't matter how often you text each other or how long it takes for a response.

 

I didn't bail on the friendship. She didn't respond so I gave her space, that's when she texted back. Bailing would be not responding to her at all.  That's also when she got upset that I hadn't contacted her In a while.  Later on she ignored several texts. So, I gave her space again.

[hmmhmmm2]

a girl and I were pretty close when we both lived in Texas and hung out frequently. When I moved away the texting faded and I believed she had begun to ghost me. We talked about it and she said she's just a bad texter and asked me to not get upset, and told me to contact her when I came to Texas. But then the ignores continued. I actually planned on just ceasing contact. I got a travel job and traveled all over, and this past weekend we just so happened to be traveling to the exact same city. Again, no replies, she didn't respond to texts and the fb messages still say delivered. I mean; to ignore such an uncommon occurrence screams rude to me; or am I wrong?

[NuevoYorko]

You need to just move on from this girl.   Her actions speak very clearly - she is not interested.  Sorry.  

[ShyViolet]

There's no point in being mad about it or saying she's "rude".  It simply means that she is not interested in being friends anymore.  There's nothing left to do but accept this and move on with your life.

[Alpacalia]

 

The message is (a) don't be angry with her for not responding and (b) she invites you somewhere and then disappears.

Bad texting isn't the issue - it's following through. Some people simply aren't good at texting, and they will compensate in other ways. She hasn't.

It's just not important to her.

Sometimes you just gotta fallback and let the ball roll to see what she does.

[basil67]

I think there's a couple of options to consider:  

1. They may have moved on from your friendship.

2. They may not want to be text or message buddies.  Sure, I had penpals last century when writing was the only option over a distance, but these days travel is easier and phone calls are cheaper.   I don't like text or message as a conversational medium - it's slow, clunky and disjointed.  For my friends who are local and those who've moved further afield, I save my conversations till we can meet in person or have a proper phone call.   And yes, an occasional text with a photo or quick comment.  But if they only want to type, they will fall by the wayside.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, mlssufan01 said:

 she said she's just a bad texter and asked me to not get upset, 

It may be best to just let this go. If you're upset, it's a good reason to step away from this.

[glows]

On 2/4/2023 at 6:43 PM, mlssufan01 said:

a girl and I were pretty close when we both lived in Texas and hung out frequently. When I moved away the texting faded and I believed she had begun to ghost me. We talked about it and she said she's just a bad texter and asked me to not get upset, and told me to contact her when I came to Texas. But then the ignores continued. I actually planned on just ceasing contact. I got a travel job and traveled all over, and this past weekend we just so happened to be traveling to the exact same city. Again, no replies, she didn't respond to texts and the fb messages still say delivered. I mean; to ignore such an uncommon occurrence screams rude to me; or am I wrong?

I’m sorry to hear this. It’s usually rude to ignore someone especially if there was friendship or some kind of reliability to your communication in the past. How did you know she was traveling to the same city if she doesn’t respond to you? Was she posting that info on her Facebook for all to see? 

A good many people tend to mention about keeping in touch or letting them know when you’re in town with no real interest in following up on that so don’t take this too, too personally. You tried to stay in touch and she didn’t mean what she said or changed her mind. 

Either way, if you find it’s more one-sided than ever and it’s been this way for some time you probably want to be asking yourself if it’s time to stop initiating any contact or meet ups and move on from the friendship. It’s more often the case that people do grow apart. Mute her feed if you don’t care to see where she’s traveling on Facebook. Surround yourself with friends who really are active in your life. Congratulations if this is a new job.

[hmmhmmm2]

On 2/6/2023 at 2:57 AM, glows said:

I’m sorry to hear this. It’s usually rude to ignore someone especially if there was friendship or some kind of reliability to your communication in the past. How did you know she was traveling to the same city if she doesn’t respond to you? Was she posting that info on her Facebook for all to see? 

A good many people tend to mention about keeping in touch or letting them know when you’re in town with no real interest in following up on that so don’t take this too, too personally. You tried to stay in touch and she didn’t mean what she said or changed her mind. 

Either way, if you find it’s more one-sided than ever and it’s been this way for some time you probably want to be asking yourself if it’s time to stop initiating any contact or meet ups and move on from the friendship. It’s more often the case that people do grow apart. Mute her feed if you don’t care to see where she’s traveling on Facebook. Surround yourself with friends who really are active in your life. Congratulations if this is a new job.

Yes someone posted photos of her and her friends in said city.  Also, she saw my ig story so now I know she knows we're in the same city.

Edited February 10, 2023 by mlssufan01

[glows]

4 hours ago, mlssufan01 said:

Yes someone posted photos of her and her friends in said city.  Also, she saw my ig story so now I know she knows we're in the same city.

I don’t think she ever intended to meet with you. Usually people tend to touch base before traveling and give the other person a heads up. At least that’s what people do with me and I appreciate that. We plan something loosely or have tentative plans and go from there once the friend is in town. 

Does this bother you to the point where you can’t let it go or seeing her on social media bothers you? I’m curious if you feel she owes you friendship at this point and it’s so irksome that she’s wishy washy or insincere. If that’s the case I’d consider deleting the contact. 

[mark clemson]

There can of course be exceptions, but friendships as full adults are generally "looser" and sometimes more transitory. From what I've seen, you typically don't "grow and intertwine together" as friends the way you did when younger. Your perception of time changes too, so the same 6 month friendship can seem longer when you're young, but shorter when you're an adult.

At any rate, you can't force someone to want to be your friend if it's not convenient. Let them go - if there's resentment, it's in part due to your hopes/expectations, and that should fade over time.

One thing full adults do make time for, when they can (which isn't always), is their hobbies. So friendships based on mutual shared interests may bring you better luck.