This sucks.

[Syd8]

Today I came to the realization that I have true, deep feelings for a friend/co-worker of mine. I've known her for over 5 years. She is very happy with her long term boyfriend and has a child with him. I am not going to pursue anything because I know nothing will happen. It just sucks to feel this way. I've been in constant mourning over the last 3 years for my girlfriend who died in 2019. Now I am feeling emotions for someone else. Part of me feels guilty. Now I'm just staying up late torturing myself listening to songs about wanting to be with someone I can never have. Oh well. 

[mark clemson]

Is it feasible for you to see a therapist? While completely understandable, 3 years is a long time. The interest in this woman at work makes it seem like you're ready to start moving on. However, if you're not careful you may spend years more pining for this woman you can't have in an "orbiter" role. This might interfere with emotionally bonding with someone new who you CAN have.

Although I understand feeling "fixated" on someone, if you spend too much time as an orbiter, you'll probably regret it later as, essentially, wasted time. Time that could have been spent on establishing a new relationship. Something to consider.

Edited January 16, 2023 by mark clemson

[JTSW]

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine losing a love like that.

But after 3 long years it's time to make some changes.

Consider getting another job, where you won't have to see this colleague anymore.

Being where you are is keeping you stuck in a rut with no way out.

It's time to break yourself out of this hole and get your life back on track. 

Consider therapy where you can talk to someone about all this.

You can do it.

Be strong.

Also, stop listening to those songs.

Edited January 19, 2023 by JTSW