Jadv12 Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 BF(28m) & I(24f) have been together for 9 months. Everything has been really good. He is very sweet to me and supportive. I wanted some unbiased feedback because I really like him. There have been some things I have noticed lately. He has made several comments about women. If it is something about women being gold diggers in a movie or something he will say ‘f***ing women’ same thing about cheating. He has used the W word that I don’t think I’m allowed to say here when the situation did not call for it. I have a friend who is married to his friend. The guy was really physically abusive towards her and she finally left him. I came home and asked him about it and said “I can’t believe fake name would do that” his response was she probably cheated on him all of the time. That made me mad. I asked him what is his deal with women and I asked if he knows that I am a woman and told him not all women are like that of course. He just said he knows I’m not like that and said some nice things. We also got into our first real fight that has me wondering if I should break up with him. I get really bad migraines a few times a year. A few days ago I had one of those migraines. We haven’t spent a night apart in 6 months. I texted him that I had a migraine and would be in bed all day. I told him that he could still come over and spend the night if he wanted I would just be in bed and couldn’t really hang out with him. He said ok cool. He came over after work and I immediately knew he didn’t understand what a migraine was and how much pain i was in. He came in and flipped the lights on and started ranting about his day. I told him I was really sick and felt awful so he has to go in there or something. He was annoyed by this but fine so I thought he understood. Nope. He came in closer to night and started cuddling and being sweet and that was fine. I didn’t think he would try to have sex with me. He started trying and I told him to stop like 20 times over 10 minutes. He kept trying to talk me into it. I was being patient but I finally got mad and yelled at him to stop and that if he did I will literally throw up. This caused a fight. Side note: this is the first time I have ever denied him sex since we started having it. I wouldn’t have sex with him until we dated for a couple of months because i wasn’t looking for a hookup or fwb situation. Back then he said he respected me for it and was totally cool with it. He has even brought up how he respected it a few times since we started dating. He slammed the door and left and I felt too awful and was in too much pain to deal with it at the time. The next day I tried to call him twice and he wouldn’t answer. I texted him and told him that we needed to talk about this. He told me I was being a B and trying to manipulate him with sex. Now we are pretending nothing happened and have moved on but I have been having second thoughts about us. We had plans the next day to go out to dinner with my parents and siblings. I didn’t think he would show up and he pretty much talked to everyone but me. Him and my family were having a great time though, it was really weird. It seems like he went out of his way to ignore me and not look at me. Why even come? It seems like this has came out of nowhere so I’m not sure if he is just having a bad week or I should be worried. The one friend I talked to about everything thinks I’m being too dramatic. She told me that it won’t be better with anyone else and what I told her is very mild. I at least want to talk to him about his comments about women because I think it is really stupid, and the sex fight was the last thing I expected from him. . Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 Stop seeing him, yes. It seems that he has an unkind attitude towards women in general. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 If alarm bells are ringing then it's usually for a good reason. He has some sort of hatred/disrespect for women and his attitude is horrible. I get migraines and I know the pain is like torture, but his behaviour is inexcusable. He is childish, nasty and it will only get worse as time progresses. Yes, stop seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 6 hours ago, Jadv12 said: . He told me I was being a B and trying to manipulate him with sex. Unfortunately he's abusive. You need to end it ASAP. Talk to trusted friends and family. Read up on controlling and abusive relationships. Cut your losses. Get out now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 10 hours ago, Jadv12 said: The one friend I talked to about everything thinks I’m being too dramatic. She told me that it won’t be better with anyone else and what I told her is very mild. I at least want to talk to him about his comments about women because I think it is really stupid, and the sex fight was the last thing I expected from him. . She has a point in that you’re trying to talk to your boyfriend about respect after he’s disrespected other women whether in passing or strangers and you. It’s dramatic in the sense that when we spot people like this we steer clear, not attempt to reason with them. Don’t let this situation continue. We cannot reason with people who spew profanities and have such anger and hatred. That’s for a mental health professional to work through. That he showed up to your family gathering and refused to speak with you also indicated more spite and a severe inability to judge situations correctly whether appropriate or inappropriate. He’s unstable and abusive. I’d be more concerned why you’re not be immediately breaking this off and seeing how mentally unstable he is. Don’t try to reason with him or bother talking with him about this. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Nope, this guy would be gone. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and trying to coerce you into sex is a huge red flag. Get rid of him. 23 hours ago, Jadv12 said: The one friend I talked to about everything thinks I’m being too dramatic. She told me that it won’t be better with anyone else and what I told her is very mild. Your friend has terrible judgement and non-existent standards. Plain and simple. She is wrong, and the above tells me she has never had a decent boyfriend either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarterS Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Any man who would call you out of your name does not respect you. You can find a good time with anyone, and 9 months is still the "honeymoon" phase, as I can see this is starting to wear off. A man who can't read the room, or has no emotional intelligence would react the way he did when you "denied" him sex. I don't like the word denied either, because its not like you wouldn't be willing under normal circumstances. You were in pain and he should have been that "supportive" partner you described in the beginning. Thankfully the abuse hasn't turned physically, but no abuse is better than the next. When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. The longer you try to look the other way, the worse this situation is going to get. However I know the hardest part is walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 I think this guy is selfish and immature... Leave him, otherwise, you will regret it even badly later on... Link to post Share on other sites
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