Bf has a second phone and multiple accounts on dating sites

[Anastasia93]

Hello! I have a boyfriend for like 6 months, we meet on a dating site in July 2022. We have great chemistry, great sex and spend everyday together. I found it weird that he has two phones so I asked about them and he said that one is personal and the other is from work, but whenever he got a work call or share something from work he did it from his personal phone. I decided to make an account on the site we’ve meet and I discovered that he still got the account. I confronted him and he said he hasn’t been using it, even though the site shows when someone was last online. Somehow he lost the ‘work phone’ and I was relieved, but after a week another phone appeared so I started being suspicious again. I made a fake profile and started speaking with him on the site, then we switched phone numbers and started messaging, sending photos and sexting. We got to the point where we were going to meet, but he just stood me up (the fake profile). Then I decided to get that second phone and I went trough the messages and I saw that he did this with many girls. Chatting, sexting, sending nudes but stood them up when it was time for them to meet. I confronted him again and I told him I know about the accounts on different sites and the messages between him am other women. He said it’s not true, that I don’t trust him, that’s not what he is doing with that other phone, that he loves me and wants to be with me. 
I don’t understand why he is doing this… he needs validation?? He wants to know he still got the juice? Maybe someday he will actually go and meet with these girls?? 
I do have to mention that there is a 10 year age difference, I’m 25 years old. I do love him, he treats me very good, he listens to me, he gives me love and affection, he speaks kindly with me, he makes plans for our future. 
We are supposed to move together abroad for a year and I’m not sure what to do. 

[ExpatInItaly]

13 minutes ago, Anastasia93 said:

he treats me very good

No, he doesn't. You thought he did, but he actually has no respect for you at all. He lies to you and pretends to be someone he is not. 

14 minutes ago, Anastasia93 said:

I don’t understand why he is doing this

Does it matter, reallt? It's wrong, full stop. There is no explanation what would make this acceptable or forgivable. 

15 minutes ago, Anastasia93 said:

He said it’s not true, that I don’t trust him

Gee, do ya think?? He's showed you absolutely can't trust him. 

16 minutes ago, Anastasia93 said:

We are supposed to move together abroad for a year and I’m not sure what to do. 

Don't do it. It will be a huge mistake. Dump him and be done with it. I know it's hard to accept, but this is not a good guy.  He's a liar and cheater. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Anastasia93 said:

 Maybe someday he will actually go and meet with these girls?? 

Sorry this is happening. It's a lot of drama for 24 weeks dating. Once you have to play detective replete with burner phones and catfishing, the relationship is not what it seems.

Get tested for STDs. What you happened upon may only be the tip of the iceberg. He's leading a double life behind your back. Cut your losses.

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, Anastasia93 said:

Then I decided to get that second phone and I went trough the messages and I saw that he did this with many girls. Chatting, sexting, sending nudes but stood them up when it was time for them to meet. I confronted him again and I told him I know about the accounts on different sites and the messages between him am other women. He said it’s not true, that I don’t trust him, that’s not what he is doing with that other phone,

Is he for real? 

The evidence is all there and he tries to deny it?

Honey, this guy is no good. 

He is a cheating piece of crap.

It doesn't matter how nicely he talks, it doesn't erase what he's doing.

He's still looking for dates and being verbally intimate with other girls.

You need to end if because it's only a matter of time before he starts meeting these girls and being physically intimate.

He will do it OP. 

Stop being so naïve and see him for what he really is. 

He doesn't love you either. If he did he wouldn't do this. 

Edited January 17, 2023 by JTSW

[smackie9]

There's nothing to be confused about....he's got a problem you can't fix. He's addicted to this sexual attention, and with any addiction they cheat and lie. It gives him power/ ego boost. He is going to extremes to have it and to hide it. Girl you need to dump this chump. There ain't no magic words to make any of his behavior to go away. All that sweet talkin he does with you is a game he plays to have control over you and to those other women. He's pretty sick in the head. 

Edited January 17, 2023 by smackie9

[S2B]

And he is still your boyfriend?

get rid of him and block every way for him to contact you.

he will never be a guy you can trust. He will never treat you right. He has big issues - and you can’t fix them.

[stillafool]

It's only a matter of time before he trades you in for someone else.  It's clear he needs a lot of female attention and you're not enough for him.  He's always going to want a new, shiny thing to play with when what he has get's old.   You're only 6 months in and you're spending your time playing detective over his phones.  Is that what you consider a good boyfriend?

[S2B]

He is NOT a good boyfriend! A good boyfriend would never do these things.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm not sure what you need help with.   You seem to be basically accepting of all this sleazy behavior.   "Why" he does it makes no difference.  Why are you still there?

[S2B]

Why would you stay?

why haven’t you completely ended things with him?

[poppyfields]

15 hours ago, Anastasia93 said:

Then I decided to get that second phone and I went trough the messages and I saw that he did this with many girls. Chatting, sexting, sending nudes but stood them up when it was time for them to meet.

Well, now we know that when a man chats up a woman on line but makes no attempt to meet in person, one very real possibility is that he already has a girlfriend, or wife!!

This reason has been given time and time again, but it was only speculation.

Now we've heard straight from the horse's mouth from a girlfriend who pretended to be some random girl sexting, sending nudes but when it came time for the actual meet, he flaked.

@Anastasia93not sure what you're waiting for girl.  Whether it's due to some sort of on line sexual addiction or need for validation, does it matter?

Your boyfriend is a lying sleaze, please considering dumping this person ASAP!

 

 

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Well, now we know that when a man chats up a woman on line but makes no attempt to meet in person, one very real possibility is that he already has a girlfriend, or wife!!

Yeah, actually this very well might be the truth. How many threads on there (including mine) about a guy leading someone on but nothing more, about a guy who is unable to plan a date, about a guy who changed his mind last minute about a date, about a guy who either ghosted someone or never showed up on a date, and so on and on.  Mindboggling that some people, who are in a relationship, choose to act this way.

I am sorry OP. Don't know what else to say. This guy is not going to be faithful to you if you stay with him. Better cut your loses now than to stay and have a very high risk of catching some STDs. I am not even talking about the lies and the rollercoaster that he is going to put you through if you decide to forgive him and stay in a relationship.

[MsJayne]

This guy's an attention hound and lacks both conscience and self-awareness. He also lacks empathy and that's why he assumes other people are there to be used, and that includes you. I'm guessing the reason he wants a partner ten years younger is that he finds younger women much easier to manipulate and gaslight because they have less life experience, and for that reason they're also less likely to spot the real him until it's too late. His charming persona, caring and attentive, is a front. He's a liar and a cheat, a gas-lighter, and a manipulator, and he does not care about you or your feelings one little bit. I say run before he takes you abroad. For some reason your story brought to mind Sophie Hayes. 

[BaileyB]

On 1/17/2023 at 1:18 AM, Anastasia93 said:

We are supposed to move together abroad for a year and I’m not sure what to do. 

Really??

On 1/17/2023 at 1:18 AM, Anastasia93 said:

I don’t understand why he is doing this… he needs validation??

Why cares why he is doing this, the fact that he is doing it at all is the problem. 

On 1/17/2023 at 1:18 AM, Anastasia93 said:

he treats me very good

Girl, you got to raise your bar. He doesn’t treat you very good if he is sexting with other women. 

Seriously, you have got to let this guy go back to the dating site… definitely don’t move in with him. These are serious warning signs that you really shouldn’t ignore. 

Edited January 20, 2023 by BaileyB

[poppyfields]

I'm.of the belief that every single couple on the face of this earth has their own dynamic, what works for them as a couple. 

Some couples have an open relationship/marriage wherein they actually have sex with others, engage in threesomes, foursomes whatever floats their boat. 

It's NOT my or my husband's scene but I'd never judge another couple for what they choose to do, nor would I ever say it's "wrong."

In OP's case, her boyfriend is being deceptive, he's engaging in this behavior - sexting, exchanging nudes without OP's knowledge or agreeing to it.  

That's cheating. 

To the OP, your boyfriend is a liar, period. 

This is a relatively new relationship, only six months and my advice is to end this now and don't look back. 

Liars do NOT make good boyfriends, period, end of. 

 

Edited January 21, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ShyViolet]

I'm sorry to have to say this but you're a fool if you stay in this relationship one more day.  There's more than enough evidence that it's time to end this.  Now it's up to you to be responsible and remove yourself from a bad situation.

On 1/17/2023 at 2:18 AM, Anastasia93 said:

We are supposed to move together abroad for a year and I’m not sure what to do. 

You can't possibly be serious that you are still considering doing this.

[S2B]

Just end it completely. He seems like a complete jerk.