Friend sent expired cookies as a Christmas gift!

[NomiMalone]

I’ve been friends with a girl, Anna, for around 20 years. We’ve lived in different states for the last 10 or so years and have kept in touch but aren’t close. We have great conversations but she’s not someone I can count on for the important things in life, or someone with whom I can discuss personal things. 

Last year she was quite sick with Covid so I sent her a small hamper with girly/pamper type stuff in it. We never do gifts but I wanted to cheer her up after her tough year. I didn’t expect or want anything in return. 

To my surprise, around a week ago I received a text from her saying she’d sent a belated Christmas gift to me in the mail. Tbh I was really puzzled because Anna is quite self centred and I couldn’t imagine her going out of her way to choose a gift for someone who isn’t family or a partner. 

When the gift arrived I opened it to find shortbread biscuits in a gift box and some beautiful cosmetics. I messaged her to thank her and she wrote back telling me about how she’d chosen the biscuits especially for me.

Later when I turned the box of biscuits over to read the ingredients I saw in fine print that the they had expired… in 2021. 

So she clearly lied about having chosen them for me. Part of me isn’t surprised because, like I’d mentioned, I couldn’t imagine her buying gifts for friends. Part of me is puzzled as to why she’d waste money on sending someone an expired box of biscuits, and part of me is a bit disgusted by how she lied about having chosen the biscuits for me. I’m tempted to throw the cosmetics out too because I don’t know if they’re also old cosmetics that are unwanted/regifted.

I’m thinking of calling her out. Am I being too harsh? 

Edited January 17, 2023 by NomiMalone

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, NomiMalone said:

Part of me is puzzled as to why she’d waste money on sending someone an expired box of biscuits, and part of me is a bit disgusted by how she lied about having chosen the biscuits for me. I’m tempted to throw the cosmetics out too because I don’t know if they’re also old cosmetics that are unwanted/regifted.

Maybe they were already expired when she bought them and didn't look on the bottom to see the expiration date.  Obviously you have to throw them away because they are expired.  If you feel the cosmetics are too, then throw them away also.  Postage is so expensive it's hard to believe someone would go to the trouble to purposely send expired products to someone they consider a friend.  Do what makes you feel better.

Edited January 17, 2023 by stillafool

[glows]

No, just put them in the compost and go on with your day. Life is too short to get angry over expired biscuits. 

Is the make up from a reputable source? Does it look used? I don’t wear much make up so I couldn’t tell you what make up is best. A lot of it is junk for your skin anyway. I’d caution any make up from an unknown source. 

I agree the biscuits or cookies could have already been expired when she bought them. 

What matters is she took the trouble to pay for the shipping and shipped you something you thought you might like. 

Go out this afternoon and buy yourself cookies you’re craving or something to add to your make up palette from a place you like. Don’t bother with this stuff if it’s not for you.

[Alpacalia]

Receiving expired Christmas cookies would give me a chuckle.

It is obvious that you are familiar with how she carries herself.

Why call her out on it over cookies?

Just toss the cookies or feed them to the birds.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

You seem negatively disposed towards her in general, pointing out at the onset that she is quite self centered.   Also - what does your gift to her during COVID have to do with this situation?

I strongly doubt she knew the cookies were expired.  It's a big hassle to mail things.   Why would she go to the trouble for old cookies on purpose.  

Meanwhile, she sent you "beautiful cosmetics" that don't really warrant a mention because you're upset about the cookies.

Pleas let it go.  You're lucky to have a friend of so many years who would think of sending you a gift, and she's lucky to have you as well.  Try to look at the positives of this friendship instead of expired cookies.  

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

When the gift arrived I opened it to find shortbread biscuits in a gift box and some beautiful cosmetics. I messaged her to thank her and she wrote back telling me about how she’d chosen the biscuits especially for me.

I take it what is upsetting for you is that we tend to think that when a person gives a gift, they generally think about the person that they are getting it for and they put thought and care and meaning behind every gift.

That she sent you expired cookies (biscuits) and said she chose them especially for you.

Maybe it's a cue that the friendship is past it's expiration date.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Alpacalia

[stillafool]

43 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Maybe it's a cue that the friendship is past it's expiration date.

You know what OP, this is a good point. ^^^^^^^

[Els]

I hope you're aware that lots of STORES will sell cookies that are past their "best before" date, and an unwitting person could easily forget to look while purchasing the item. Btw, items like cookies don't have a "use by" (expiry) date, they have a "best before" date, which is quite different. "Best before" just means that they don't taste their best, but are usually not unsafe to consume - this is used for non-perishable food like store-bought cookies. In many jurisdictions, it's legal for stores to sell items that are past the "best before", but illegal to sell items that are past the "use by".

I feel like you're making a mountain out of a molehill here. If you keep tossing out friends due to small misunderstandings/mistakes like this, you may eventually find yourself out of friends.

 

[NomiMalone]

Thanks so much everyone, for all your thoughts. I really appreciate that you’ve taken the time to reply!

Firstly, I think you’re all kinder than I am in assuming that the biscuits were already expired when Anna bought them! My take on it is that they’re an old box of biscuits sitting around at her house that she either received as a gift, or bought and no longer want, and didn’t realise they’d expired. It’s super rare to see expired items for sale in stores here in Australia, and definitely not items expired for more than a year. If they are expired, it’d be only by a few days and they’d be in a bargain bin. Even items close to expiring would be in a bargain bin.

@glows @NuevoYorko @Els - I agree that I’m being too harsh and am making a mountain out of a molehill. I appreciate the reminder to focus on the positives in the friendship and our long history (we were house mates back in our uni days) which I do really value. You’re right, holding onto bitterness serves no one and I’m alarmed at how much time and bad energy I’m allowing myself to devote to this!

I’m friends with Anna despite her self-centeredness because every human being has faults (god knows I have many!) and no friendships are perfect. She’s not someone I’d ask for help (because she’s let me down many times in the past), or confide personal stuff to, but I enjoy our chats and messages throughout the day. She often messages just to ask how my day is, which I think is really sweet. 

I mentioned the Covid gift because we don’t do gifts - this year was a one off. 

Having said all this, what’s bothering me isn’t the expired biscuits themselves, but the fact that she lied about having chosen the biscuits for me when they’ve obviously been sitting at her house for 2 years or more. @Alpacalia - exactly, it’s all about the thought, and the expired biscuits are not just “expired biscuits”, but they were a message that I wasn’t worth more than a box of unwanted biscuits she had sitting at home. Yes, she had sent some lovely cosmetics with it, but the biscuits had me wondering whether the cosmetics are also old. Everything is already in the bin. I’d rather not have received a gift at all! 

Thanks so much again you all - I feel like I can put this behind me now and genuinely focus on the good things in our friendship 🙏😊

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, NomiMalone said:

@Alpacalia - exactly, it’s all about the thought, and the expired biscuits are not just “expired biscuits”, but they were a message that I wasn’t worth more than a box of unwanted biscuits she had sitting at home. Yes, she had sent some lovely cosmetics with it, but the biscuits had me wondering whether the cosmetics are also old. Everything is already in the bin. I’d rather not have received a gift at all! 

After the above statement I have to ask why you would do this:

 

19 minutes ago, NomiMalone said:

I feel like I can put this behind me now and genuinely focus on the good things in our friendship 🙏

Why?  If you think she doesn't think more of you than a stale box of cookies and stale cosmetics - why in the world do you want to be her friend?

[NomiMalone]

31 minutes ago, stillafool said:

After the above statement I have to ask why you would do this:

 

Why?  If you think she doesn't think more of you than a stale box of cookies and stale cosmetics - why in the world do you want to be her friend?

It never crossed my mind to end the friendship over this. We all have faults and I already know she’s self-centered. I just couldn’t decide whether I should call her out on lying about “having chosen” the biscuits for me. 

Even though our friendship is casual, I’ve always enjoyed it. 

[MsJayne]

Given the appalling service that Australia Post provides, have you considered the possibility that she may have posted them in 2020 and they've only just arrived?  (Sorry, not helpful but couldn't resist the dig at Aus Post  ). 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

Having said all this, what’s bothering me isn’t the expired biscuits themselves, but the fact that she lied about having chosen the biscuits for me when they’ve obviously been sitting at her house for 2 years or more. @Alpacalia - exactly, it’s all about the thought, and the expired biscuits are not just “expired biscuits”, but they were a message that I wasn’t worth more than a box of unwanted biscuits she had sitting at home. Yes, she had sent some lovely cosmetics with it, but the biscuits had me wondering whether the cosmetics are also old. Everything is already in the bin. I’d rather not have received a gift at all! 

It's odd that she gifted expired gifts and said she got them specifically for you. I've not heard someone going through such trouble to spend money on postage for expired gifts. One thought though is that perhaps since you sent her the lovely gift for when she was sick and that you normally don't exchange gifts she wanted to do something nice for the holidays for you. Or she purchased them a while ago for you and just didn't get around to sending it.

 

 

Edited January 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NomiMalone]

4 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Given the appalling service that Australia Post provides, have you considered the possibility that she may have posted them in 2020 and they've only just arrived?  (Sorry, not helpful but couldn't resist the dig at Aus Post /cdn-cgi/mirage/9c1385ed6d7c31cfba4fa3f36f15678a0bb7af9b6858aceb1bb06e8e4ec6f59f/1280/https://www.loveshack.org/content/emoticons/smile.gif.365fdc925ab7f51a9626f13390a96867.gif ). 

Lol!!

[NomiMalone]

59 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's odd that she gifted expired gifts and said she got them specifically for you. I've not heard someone going through such trouble to spend money on postage for expired gifts. One thought though is that perhaps since you sent her the lovely gift for when she was sick and that you normally don't exchange gifts she wanted to do something nice for the holidays for you. Or she purchased them a while ago for you and just didn't get around to sending it.

 

 

Those are my thoughts too - that she wanted to reciprocate my gift, and just found something she already had at home and didn’t think to check the expiry date (and then tried to hide that she was doing this.) Definitely not friendship-ending but also doesn’t leave a great taste in my mouth! (Pun intended!!) 

Thank you again everyone for the insightful replies - you’ve all really helped me out!

Edited January 18, 2023 by NomiMalone

[Alpacalia]

45 minutes ago, NomiMalone said:

Those are my thoughts too - that she wanted to reciprocate my gift, and just found something she already had at home and didn’t think to check the expiry date (and then tried to hide that she was doing this.) Definitely not friendship-ending but also doesn’t leave a great taste in my mouth! (Pun intended!!) 

Thank you again everyone for the insightful replies - you’ve all really helped me out!

Yes. Certainly plausible.

I sent my friend a carton of ritz crackers once as a thank you present!   

They love ritz crackers. Who doesn't though!

 

 

Edited January 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NomiMalone]

19 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Yes. Certainly plausible.

I sent my friend a carton of ritz crackers once as a thank you present!   

They love ritz crackers. Who doesn't though!

 

 

Ritz crackers are the bomb!

[JTSW]

20 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

I’m thinking of calling her out. Am I being too harsh? 

I agree it's not worth pursuing. 

Stop worrying yourself about it and just throw it all out.

[Els]

20 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

It’s super rare to see expired items for sale in stores here in Australia, and definitely not items expired for more than a year. If they are expired, it’d be only by a few days and they’d be in a bargain bin. Even items close to expiring would be in a bargain bin.

I don't know what state Anna is in, but it seems like for some states in Australia at least, it's not illegal for stores to sell items past the best before date. https://www.foodauthority.nsw.gov.au/food-labelling/stay-safe/date-marking-storage-labelling
 

Quote

 

A 'best before' date means the food is still safe to eat after the date as long as it is not damaged, deteriorated or perished.

A 'best before' date simply indicates that the food may lose some of its quality after this date.

Foods can be legally sold after a 'best before' date as long as they are not damaged, deteriorated or perished.

Common 'best before' foods include canned foods, cereals, biscuits, sauces, chocolate, sugar, flour and frozen foods

 

 

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

 I just couldn’t decide whether I should call her out on lying about “having chosen” the biscuits for me. 

Just toss it. Maybe she tried to pawn off a recycled gift as "special". Unfortunately "regifting" is a thing now.

Poor taste but not a deal breaker. It reminds me of those awful fruitcakes people get that seem petrified by the time they're recycled this much.  Just don't exchange gifts in the future.

[ShyViolet]

I think you're being really overdramatic about this.  I highly doubt that she gave you expired cookies on purpose, she probably didn't know it was expired.  You're so fixated on this idea that she "lied", when you really don't know that for sure.  If you don't want the cookies then just throw them out.  Maybe you should do this woman a favor and end this friendship, if you're going to be so fixated on things like this.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Maybe you should do this woman a favor and end this friendship, if you're going to be so fixated on things like this.

I agree.  Does this woman have any idea you feel this way about her?  I don't think I could be friends with someone who thinks so poorly of me.

[Alpacalia]

22 hours ago, NomiMalone said:

Ritz crackers are the bomb!

Buttery goodness till the last drop! Not expired though. 

 

 

Edited January 19, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NomiMalone]

Thanks everyone for the new replies - I appreciate you sharing your thoughts! 

For me, it wasn’t the regifting that was the issue. Everyone re-gifts. It was the fact that she’d lied and said she’d chosen the cookies especially for me. The earlier posts from the night before had made me see that I was indeed over-reacting and overthinking it, and had really helped me move on and concentrate on the good things about our friendship. 

Thank you again!

@Els - Yes, you’re right, it’s not illegal, but it’s very rarely done. If you buy a food item in Australia, you can be assured it will not be expired or past it’s best before date. Anything close to its best before date will be in a bargain bin. We take that for granted here in Australia (which is why I’m certain Anna has had those cookies for a long time.) But I also understand that if finding food past it’s best before date in stores is not as rare in other countries, you’d think differently! 

@ShyViolet - on not being friends with Anna anymore - that’s definitely one good way to look at it, and food for thought for me. Yes, she has been self-centered and unreliable the whole time I’ve known her. I just accept her for who she is and hope all my friends can do the same for me and my faults.

[Acacia98]

If she were a good friend or a relative who risked making the same mistake with someone else, I'd consider thanking her, but saying that unfortunately the cookies had expired, so I couldn't eat them. I wouldn't do this to hurt her but so that she would be more conscious of her actions and would be less likely to make the same mistake in the future.

But seeing as you're not particularly close, that may just be too much work.