glows Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 It’s not uncommon for these friendships formed in university to eventually fade or grow distant over time. It can be frustrating if you’re expecting to remain friends forever. If she’s self-centered and unreliable, lower any expectations more than you would with others. What did you end up doing with the gifts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NomiMalone Posted January 19, 2023 Author Share Posted January 19, 2023 @Acacia98 - Thank you! Being in 2 minds about whether to let her know was what prompted me to make a post on here to begin with. That’s a great point about giving her the heads up so she’s aware to be more mindful. You’re also right that it’s too much work given our level of friendship. However if she asks me whether the cookies were nice I’ll be honest and say that unfortunately they’d expired. @glows - Yeah that can definitely be true with uni friendships! Fortunately though Anna and I have somehow not grown apart even though our friendship is casual - I put it down to us being from similar backgrounds and having good “chemistry”. I threw out the cookies. The cosmetics didn’t have a best before/expiry date but I ended up throwing them out too in case they were also old. It was a bit heartbreaking, tbh! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 10 hours ago, NomiMalone said: . Everyone re-gifts. Unfortunately that's true and most people don't admit to it because it's so thoughtless and leads to exactly this type of confusion. No one comes out and tells you "I was trying to unload this junk so figured I'd be cheap and pass it off as a gift". Yet, that's exactly what "regifting" is. Don't exchange gifts. It's not worth it if the point of being kind is lost by misunderstanding and poor taste. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NomiMalone Posted January 19, 2023 Author Share Posted January 19, 2023 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't exchange gifts. It's not worth it if the point of being kind is lost by misunderstanding and poor taste. Couldn’t agree more! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, NomiMalone said: @glows - Yeah that can definitely be true with uni friendships! Fortunately though Anna and I have somehow not grown apart even though our friendship is casual - I put it down to us being from similar backgrounds and having good “chemistry”. I threw out the cookies. The cosmetics didn’t have a best before/expiry date but I ended up throwing them out too in case they were also old. It was a bit heartbreaking, tbh! I’m still not convinced, by the way, that she wasn’t very observant when she bought the cookies and wasn’t aware of the expiry date. Grocery stores are also prone to failing to move their expired foods to another bin or removing them regardless of what country we’re discussing. You’re very adamant in the progressiveness and vigilance of your local supermarkets and it’s quite interesting to me that you’d rather give them the benefit of the doubt over this person you’ve chosen to remain friends with. I wouldn’t go so far as to assume she did anything but take the wrong cookies off the shelf and gift them to you. It’s way too much space you’re letting this take in your mind concocting scenarios where she might have been trying to offload expired cookies from her own pantry. The truth is you don’t know for sure and she’s not someone you’re close with as per your initial post. I agree with you that it’s sad to throw things out that could otherwise have been used. It all seems like a much ado over nothing and begs the question of whether all of this is worth the anguish and frustration it’s brought into your life? I’d keep it at the back of my mind that this person tends to send gifts like this and lower any expectations you might have in the gifting process. Go out and buy yourself anything you need. Try not to dwell on this. It’s just not worth it. Edited January 19, 2023 by glows 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NomiMalone Posted January 19, 2023 Author Share Posted January 19, 2023 @glows - thank you The earlier replies from Tuesday had made me see that I was indeed over-reacting and overthinking it, and had really helped me move on and concentrate on the good things about my friendship with Anna. And great idea - I’ll buy myself something nice! Thank you again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 3 hours ago, NomiMalone said: @glows - thank you The earlier replies from Tuesday had made me see that I was indeed over-reacting and overthinking it, and had really helped me move on and concentrate on the good things about my friendship with Anna. And great idea - I’ll buy myself something nice! Thank you again! NomiMalone you're allowed to feel disappointed. I don't think it's so much that they were regifted or expired necessarily rather that she said it was picked especially for you that is the source of disappointment. One year I gifted a relative a bracelet I picked out for her for Christmas and at a family gathering I noticed a friend she brought with her was wearing it and that my relative had given it to her. I found it amusing. But I also think twice now before exchanging gifts with her. Keep your expectations low and you'll be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NomiMalone Posted January 20, 2023 Author Share Posted January 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: NomiMalone you're allowed to feel disappointed. I don't think it's so much that they were regifted or expired necessarily rather that she said it was picked especially for you that is the source of disappointment. One year I gifted a relative a bracelet I picked out for her for Christmas and at a family gathering I noticed a friend she brought with her was wearing it and that my relative had given it to her. I found it amusing. But I also think twice now before exchanging gifts with her. Keep your expectations low and you'll be fine. Thanks Alpacalia. I’m sorry to hear your story about the bracelet - I would’ve been disappointed to see it on the friend too. I bet your relative would’ve been mortified if she realised that you knew! Yes, exactly! I think I mentioned in my OP that Anna’s not a giving kind of person. When she first messaged me to say she had a gift for me I actually chuckled to myself and thought, “whaaaaaaaat.” (But in an endearing kind of way you’d do with an old friend/relative when you know their ways all too well). So I already had zero expectations - it was the lie that she’d “chosen it especially for me” that I didn’t expect. I’m really grateful for all the responses everyone has taken the time to share on here. The main takeaway for me has been that humans are far from perfect. It’s something that was already dawning on me with age but the thoughts you all shared has brought this realisation to a new level. Expect less, love more, I guess will be the way from now! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Even worse. My sister sent me burnt bad cookies for birthday after I told her I did not want it. She asks. Muffins or cookies? Neither I said. Cookies reminded me of hockey pucks. Tossed them. I would not trust your friend with gifts. No one sends expired food Link to post Share on other sites
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