I can't pretend to like this person being around me anymore

[Kassieee]

My mother's sister has no family of her own. She lives with her other sister but recently, she's been staying with us a couple times a week. 

When I was younger, around 5 years old. My parents didn't get along. She even tried to fight them physically. Growing up she did things to me because she didn't like my parents. Fast forward to now, everything is left in the past and everyone's getting along.

I can handle her small doses I feel ok. But her sleeping here like she owns the place is triggering me. I hate it. It's making feel insane and angry. Alot of anger.

I plan on staying out till everyone is gone to bed. She's not going anywhere, how can I stop feeling angry? I need some logical reasoning.

Edited January 18, 2023 by justaskingok

[NuevoYorko]

How old are you?

[Kassieee]

9 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

How old are you?

Not addressing my personal info.

Im just looking for advice on how to control this anger, and cloud i feel when shes around.

[basil67]

I'd suggest you move out and visit when you know she isn't there.  The less you see her, the less it will bother you. 

[Kassieee]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'd suggest you move out and visit when you know she isn't there.  The less you see her, the less it will bother you. 

 

I cant move out this week.

Therefore, i need advice for the time being like for this week, when shes here.

Edited January 18, 2023 by justaskingok

[basil67]

Short of deciding to let go of the past (which I'm pretty sure you don't want to do), there is probably nothing much you can do to stop your anger this week.    All in all, I think making a plan to move out and focussing on the light at the end of the tunnel will keep you sane. 

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Short of deciding to let go of the past (which I'm pretty sure you don't want to do), there is probably nothing much you can do to stop your anger this week.    All in all, I think making a plan to move out and focussing on the light at the end of the tunnel will keep you sane. 

Thanks for your great advice!

[Kassieee]

Phewwww real question is how do I fake the funk and be polite. 

I've been acting ok until last time I think she felt the tension.

 

Isn't it weird that a grown ass adult just inserts herself in everyone's home rather then getting her own place? And everyone's kind enough to, just to have her turn around and talk about their family and announce their business?

 

Her sister she's living is starting to find her intolerable..I don't blame her! She's in everyone's business. 

 

 

Anxiety is on full force.

This thread might be a lil wacky next couple of days.

I just get bad vibes from her I can't shake off!!!

 

Why can't I be normal 😩 

What's really bothering me?

This isn't serving me in any way.

So just stop?

[JTSW]

Can you talk to your parents about how it's all making you feel?

Surely they'll put their kids mental health and wellbeing before hers?

Is there anyone you can stay with if your parent's don't listen?

 

[Kassieee]

6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Can you talk to your parents about how it's all making you feel?

Surely they'll put their kids mental health and wellbeing before hers?

Is there anyone you can stay with if your parent's don't listen?

 

Mom says it's her sister, that it's the past. I told my mom not to talk to me anymore unless its important.

And no. I live quit far from everyone else and I wouldn't be like my aunt and just disrupt everyone else's household anyway.

I plan on staying out as long as possible to avoid her.

[JTSW]

If you can't bring yourself to speak up then staying away from her as much as you can is all you can do.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I plan on staying out as long as possible to avoid her.

That's a good approach. As long as you live at home, your parents can have whatever houseguests they want.

Do you work? Go to school? Keep busy with that. Go to the library or get a part-time job or volunteer.  

Edited January 18, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Kassieee]

16 minutes ago, JTSW said:

If you can't bring yourself to speak up then staying away from her as much as you can is all you can do.

I've expressed many times to her that it's uncomfortable. And then last time she was here, the 4th day my mom noticed my attitude switch, I couldn't fake the funk even infront of my aunt. My mom asked why my attitude switched and I told her again. I don't get why she can't visit for the day then go home. 

Do you have any suggestions how else I should speak up?

Edited January 18, 2023 by justaskingok

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's a good approach. As long as you live at home, your parents can have whatever houseguests they want.

Do you work? Go to school? Keep busy with that. Go to the library or get a part-time job or volunteer.  

I do but I mean after hours and during the weekend. 

[Kassieee]

She criticizes and judges everyones parenting style. And how awful their kids are. Meanwhile her one and only child (who molested me as a kid) was problematic his whole life!!!!! I don't know why she's on a high horse when it comes to parenting!!! She just likes talking crap. He died of an overdose a couple years ago... with a mom like that I can't blame him. She use to beat up his dad, lol? 

She talks what other people should do with their lives. But this lady is jumping from house to house in everyone's business, pretending to be that good aunt, but it's just material for her to sit around and talk crap about them. Like that's normal. 

One thing I think my mom did tell her was to stop talking behind everyone's back to me. That was irking me. People trust to tell you things and you just announce their business 🤷 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 18, 2023 by justaskingok

[Kassieee]

35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's a good approach. As long as you live at home, your parents can have whatever houseguests they want.

Do you work? Go to school? Keep busy with that. Go to the library or get a part-time job or volunteer.  

Thanks for the library suggestion.

I was planning on killing time at a coffee shop.

[JTSW]

I know you don't want to cause any friction in the house but she really needs to be stood up to.

Next time she criticises any parenting styles ask her where her kid is then if she is such an expert.

It will make her angry yes but she needs to be put in her place. 

Point out all HER failures and flaws and tell her to get a life and stop stomping over everyone else's.

There may be arguments but it will blow over in time.

[Kassieee]

It's morning already ..6:30AM.

She'll be here around 8. All the way up to the weekend. 🙏 

 

[stillafool]

I would suggest you get a hotel room for the week and go back after she leaves if she bothers you so much.  She does have family of her own, your mom and her other sister.  We don't have to like people just because they're family or be around them.  That's why it's best to always have your own place if you're an adult.

[JTSW]

Why can't she get a place of her own?

[Kassieee]

10 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Why can't she get a place of her own?

She doesn't like to be alone. She says.

 

And she won't be able to shop the way she does now. 

Edited January 18, 2023 by justaskingok

[FMW]

8 hours ago, justaskingok said:

Not addressing my personal info.

Helpful advice depends on the specifics of your situation, why you are living with your mother.

If your mother moved into your home with you, then you get to choose who else, if anyone, can be there. 

If it's your mother's home, then she has the right to choose who is in her home.  If that's the situation then the answer to your unhappiness with her sister would be for you to move out and live elsewhere. Your age would be one factor that might affect whether that solution would work.  If you don't have the option to move out, then you will have to respect your mother's right to make the decision on whether her sister stays or goes. You should express your feelings to your mother, but again, if it's her home, it's her choice.  If you are in school  or even with some jobs there might be counseling services you could take advantage of to help talk out your anger.   If you are part of a religious organization similar counseling is probably available.  

[glows]

3 hours ago, justaskingok said:

One thing I think my mom did tell her was to stop talking behind everyone's back to me. That was irking me. People trust to tell you things and you just announce their business 🤷 

Tell her you’re not interested in hearing about other people’s business and change the subject. If she’s belligerent and volatile, don’t be around her. This is Life 101. You avoid mentally unstable individuals, period.

[Els]

So... this is the aunt that you were talking about in the other thread? I highly doubt her issues are caused by being single.

It sounds like living separately from your mother would do you good. If you are an adult (which I presume you have to be, to post on LS), it's high time you start looking into moving out.

[Kassieee]

3 hours ago, FMW said:

Helpful advice depends on the specifics of your situation, why you are living with your mother.

If your mother moved into your home with you, then you get to choose who else, if anyone, can be there. 

If it's your mother's home, then she has the right to choose who is in her home.  If that's the situation then the answer to your unhappiness with her sister would be for you to move out and live elsewhere. Your age would be one factor that might affect whether that solution would work.  If you don't have the option to move out, then you will have to respect your mother's right to make the decision on whether her sister stays or goes. You should express your feelings to your mother, but again, if it's her home, it's her choice.  If you are in school  or even with some jobs there might be counseling services you could take advantage of to help talk out your anger.   If you are part of a religious organization similar counseling is probably available.  

If my mom told me she's uncomfortable with someone staying over where she rests her head id respect that, she shouldnt even have to ask me to not have them there. My name is on the house but I'd still consider that HER HOME- and id consider her feelings. I would never allow someone who harmed her in any point in her life to be around her if she expressed it made her uncomfortable. But that's just me.