Mikey63 Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 Hello everyone. This is my 1st time here. I believe I am in love with my ex boss and have been for probably 15 years. She recently retired last month with only 3 weeks notice. It was a shock to not just me but, everyone. She is 69 and I am 59. She most likely has no idea that I am in Love with her. She is a nice Christian lady and she retired because she does not know how long she has with her husband and does not want to feel quilty about not being with him. She is in Florida at her 2 nd home and used to just go to Florida in the winter for a week or two at a time and her husband stayed there for winter. She told a old co worker of mine she was not going to listen to silence at home another winter by herself. She has always had a dog until last year when she had to put her’s down. I am married also but, I can’t deny my feelings. I get teary eyed almost everyday since she left. I have talked with her here and there. I spoke with her one day via phone about something at work and I told her I miss her. Her response was thank you. She then told me she wants me to come to breakfast with her and two other of my old work partners next month. I am pretty sure she has not had sex in a while. She only tells you what she wants you to know and she has spoke to me about topics she does not talk about really. I am not a cheater never have been except now I am emotionally. IF I ever had a chance to be with her I would leave my marriage. Any advice from other women. I miss her everyday. She makes no qualms to call or text her anytime and yes she has texted me also, just checking up.There are times I would look into her eyes while discussing work and she would turn and not intently look at me and then would then again look at me and I would look away almost like she knows I am in love with her? This woman is beautiful and vibrant to me. She NEVER mentioned anything about “Being Old” until probably 6 months before she announced her retirement. Both times I just wanted to tell her you are beautiful and more vibrant than women 1/2 your age but, I could not say it. This was in staff meetings. Please Any help would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 What a waste of your emotions, spending 20 years pining after a woman who's not at all interested in you. Not to mention, all the emotional cheating on your wife. Best to not reach out to your old boss and let the whole thing fade. Then give yourself a good talking to about how you feel about your wife. She deserves much better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 17 hours ago, Mikey63 said: she does not know how long she has with her husband What does this mean? 17 hours ago, Mikey63 said: I have talked with her here and there. I spoke with her one day via phone about something at work and I told her I miss her. Her response was thank you. She then told me she wants me to come to breakfast with her and two other of my old work partners next month. This is just a catch up with former employees. Nothing to do with you personally. 17 hours ago, Mikey63 said: There are times I would look into her eyes while discussing work and she would turn and not intently look at me and then would then again look at me and I would look away almost like she knows I am in love with her? You're making her feel uncomfortable staring at her like that. I'm sorry but she is not at all interested in you. You have wasted half your life fawning over a woman who never has and never will feel the same. It's good that she has retired because your attention can be where it should be, on your own wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 20 hours ago, Mikey63 said: I spoke with her one day via phone about something at work and I told her I miss her. Her response was thank you. She then told me she wants me to come to breakfast with her and two other of my old work partners next month. This is her, being polite and doing what all recently retired people do - telling you that she wants to meet for lunch on a platonic basis. Why do I say that, she intends to invite other people. 20 hours ago, Mikey63 said: There are times I would look into her eyes while discussing work and she would turn and not intently look at me and then would then again look at me and I would look away almost like she knows I am in love with her? This is called projection. 20 hours ago, Mikey63 said: I am pretty sure she has not had sex in a while. Where did this come from? You have no way to know this based on your interactions - you have no idea what happens between this woman and her husband behind closed doors. And, if they don’t have sex - that’s ok. She is almost 70 years old, more people this age are NOT having sex than are having sex, if you search for stats. She would be in the norm. And, all those couples who are not having sex are staying in their marriages… I’m sorry, I just don’t see anything here that indicates that this is anything more than unrequited love, a workplace crush. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 (edited) Try figuring out your own marriage, OP. It’s often easier to clutch desperately at an affair to make unpleasant and terrifying realities go away. Your marriage isn’t going away on its own which means you’re a mess and an unavailable married man who is either likely going to attract people with equally if not more emotional and mental issues. It’s problems compounding more problems. If your marriage is over, end it and start your life over. This woman appears happily married if she’s wanting to be with her husband and her marriage or love life also frankly isn’t any of your business. If you’re in pain and need someone to talk to I strongly suggest private counselling for yourself and figure out what you’re doing with your life in general. Are you experiencing discontent and frustration in more than one area? It’s not a good idea staying in contact. Wish her well and block and delete the contact if you’re unable to keep things professional. Start networking if you need more references and another job. Edited January 19, 2023 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2023 Share Posted January 19, 2023 21 hours ago, Mikey63 said: she retired because she does not know how long she has with her husband and does not want to feel quilty about not being with him. You may miss your coworker, but she's getting on with her life. Perhaps you need more of a social life outside of work to round things out. Link to post Share on other sites
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