Should I contact old friend?

[Erica_2]

Hey,

I have a former friend from high school, we got particularly close in our early 20’s. We became best friends, had the best of times. She did have a personality that was quite spoiled and at times she could be hard work. We were very alike looking back, but after one holiday together where she was working abroad, I came home early after I found her behaviour hard work. Looking back there wasn’t a standout occasion that did it but rather numerous spoilt behaviours.

After the holiday. I seen her a couple of times until she went away again and I felt a sense of relief. She came home ,She  text me until one day I made an excuse not to see her, and from there we never got back in touch. It drifted off and I made no effort to stay in touch. I feel like I ghosted her!

It’s been 8-9 years now, I still miss her and think of her all the time. My fondest and most fun memories are with her.

 

I come across her social media profile and don’t know if I should add her and reach out. I’ve typed draft messages out a few times and have never sent.

Edited January 19, 2023 by Erica_2

[glows]

What was it about her that made her behaviour “hard work”? 

It doesn’t sound like you got along with one another at all and you weren’t interested in getting together as friends. Are you going through a transition now where you’re feeling lonely? Stay focused on yourself and making new friends. 

You can reach out to her but it may be a total waste of time if you didn’t get along in the first place or were turned off enough to stop hanging out.

[NuevoYorko]

You just need to decide whether the benefits of having her in your life now would outweigh the negatives.   

I've found that things that drove me crazy about people when I was younger or when they were in my daily life constantly,  like teenage best friends,  are much easier to take as I've aged, simply because I don't need to OD on the person.   And I have better boundaries.  If someone is bugging me I can call it a day with them and still have another good time with them down the road.

If the relationship was toxic to me then I will let things lie and I suggest that you do the same.   Happy memories are not a valid reason to invite someone in who will bring you down.  But "Hard work" doesn't describe this.