Do cheaters lie, even when they have nothing to lose?

[mlchris2]

my wife and I split...been a month... before I had thoughts she was messing around/seeing someone else. She never has told me straight to my face "NO", I always get "Is that what you want me to do, tell you I am or I'm bringing home guys I meet and f**king their brains out?"

 

the answers and her response on the subject doenst make the situation better in my book.

 

So even though she tells me its over... would she still lie to me if she was cheating? What does she have to loose, its over anyway. The only thing I can think of is if we divorce and the reason is adultry, she will be publicly humiliated.

 

So whats your take?

 

I hired a friend to track her movements. She is adimit about having her weekends without kids. Each Friday/Saturday night, there is always another car that comes and goes... she tells me the car is her roomate boyfriends car, but I seen him come over to the apt driving a totally diferent vehicle. There have been a few times where I have had to get something from my apt and she wont let me inside, which usually she lets me walk right in. she normally gets off of work during weeknights at 11p-12a, this week she hasnt gotten home until 2-3am?

 

would like your advice....not looking to do anything, unless she will admit it or I catch her in the act.

[d'Arthez]

Some cheaters can lie about anything - and don't mind to swear on the life of one of the kids for instance. But these are the pathological cheaters, who are only resentful for the fact that they are caught.

 

It really depends on the person, and with that on the way the cheater perceives the situation. Does she perceive the situation is such a way, that she thinks she would lose a lot if she would admit to the fact, or that she is fairly confident the betrayed partner will not find out.

 

Given the clues you have, it seems you can be fairly certain that she is involved with at least one other man. And very likely is not honest about it / actively trying to hide things.

 

Of course if you are going through a divorce, and you may live in a state where matters like this do influence court decisions, it is probably better to find out what your wife is doing, and with whom. Given the fact that there are children involved in the marriage, that might not reflect favorably on her.

[Devildog]

So even though she tells me its over... would she still lie to me if she was cheating? What does she have to loose, its over anyway.

 

Still plenty to lose. Yes, the reputation for starters.

 

Take my XW as an example. She would never admit to anything going on with her "friend". If you read my thread you know about how she basically flaunted the affair in everyone's face. She displayed no tact, no discretion. And she wonders why everyone holds her at fault for the divorce? Besides the fact that she filed for it, she was the one screwing around outside the marriage for all to see. And she gets upset when she is labelled the "town slut-puppy". My XW is stupid. She didn't think people would blame her for her choices.

 

With your case too, what will the children think of her if her infidelity is known? They will know who is to blame for them being from a broken home.

 

It all comes down to selfishness. They don't want to have to face the blame for what their choices create.

[dgiirl]

Hell yes. Ppl lie for all sorts of reasons. Why not cheaters? They dont want to feel the guilt. They dont want to face the confrontation. They dont want to be blamed.

[Mz. Pixie]

It's simple Chris- yes they do. First to protect their reputation or to protect the people they are seeing, to keep from hurting you or to keep the focus on YOU and what you did wrong in the marriage.

 

With me, it was not wanting to hurt the other people. Plus my little short A was over (two times) way before I asked for the divorce- so why should I stir up trouble for the other guy and his family??

 

In her own way she wants you to feel like it's all your fault and the best way to do this is to not admit to anything.

 

Don't allow her to have every weekend free! That's your first mistake. I know you want to be with your kids but here's the thing- make her curious about what you're up to! Not that you are but you insist on your weekends too! Don't answer her calls. Don't let her know what you're up to. Don't answer personal questions. It will drive her crazy.

 

Have you read LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by James Dobson? If not, I recommend it to you highly!

[Sundax]

Whether she's cheating on you or not (and she probably is) she is treating you very badly, move on.