I'm Engaged!!!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Last night my boyfriend proposed to me.......

I was at work last night until about 11. I called him on my way home as I normally do. I pulled up to the house and all the lights were off. I thought he was taking a nap. So I walk in and I smell candles burning. I walk into the living roon and he's sitting on the arm of the couch looking oh so sexy. (He was wearing my favoite shirt) I was like "What's all this." He said "We're celebrating." "Celebrating what?" "Us getting married."

He pulled the ring from behind his back. Got on one knee and said that he would be honored if I would agree to be his wife. I of course cried with joy. I was never filled with so emotion before in my life. I of course said YES!

I know what people have to say. Its too soon. But it feels right. I saw myself with this man from day 1 and I have not a single doubt in my mind that we will be perfectly happy with eachother. So I'm sharing my joy!

I also had one other thing.

For some reason, whenever i tell people that I'm engaged now, they look at me like I have 4 heads. Like it's too soon. People get married very hastily. I feel 100% positive about this but people thing I'm fogged up with emotion.

Why can't there ever be a case of true love from day 1. That true love doesn't have to be made over a long period of time. That there are instances where people can be wonderfully happy and know for sure about this whether it be 6 months or 6 years?

How do I handle the critism from people. I know it shouldn't bother me b/c I am totally happy, but I feel like I can't enjoy it b/c everyone is putting a damper on it.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Congratulations!

 

On the time thing, how long have you been dating?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

We have been together for about 7 months. Living together for a month.

[Hot Coco]

H and I met 11 years ago in October. Four weeks after we met, he proposed. We married the following June. So when we married we knew each other 8 months only!

 

Everyone had the same reaction when we told them we were engaged after 4 weeks. Well guess what? This past June we celebrated our 10 year anniversary! It doesn't matter how long you know each other. When it's right you do really know!

 

Congratulations! And don't worry about what everyone says. They all admit they were wrong now!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

When it's right you do really know!

 

 

THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT!!!!

I'm so glad someone sees it the way I do. I try to emphasize that you DO know when its right.

Thanks Coco. You definitly made me feel better about the situation. That there are people who don't go by what society says is a good "Time frame" to wait to do anything. I love him and I know it. I knew it 2 days after we met.

[ReluctantRomeo]

We have been together for about 7 months. Living together for a month.

 

I think it would be odd if you *didn't* have a strong opinion at this point. Although I also think you'd be better off deliberately slowing down the pace now.

[Hot Coco]

You're welcome, clue! You know, I knew right away too...we both did. The funny thing is, think of all the people (couples) you've known who knew each other for an "appropriate" time before gettng married...how many divorced? See, it means NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. I wonder if there's some study on this.

 

Don't let ANYONE take away the joy of this time. We didn't. So have you talked about a date yet?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Although I also think you'd be better off deliberately slowing down the pace now.

Of course. There is no rush to at this point. I have to work out many details but I would like to be engaged for about a 8 months-a year.

[Hot Coco]

I think it would be odd if you *didn't* have a strong opinion at this point. Although I also think you'd be better off deliberately slowing down the pace now.

 

Why should they slow it down? What's the point? In my opinion their ages matter more as far as whether they may have long term success than how long they've known each other....but that's not the topic of this thread.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Don't let ANYONE take away the joy of this time. We didn't. So have you talked about a date yet?

 

I won't, not anymore!

The s***ty thing is, I wanted to get married around may, junish. But my cousin is geting married in May and I feel like its too close to theirs. So I might have to do it in the summer. July probably. I wanted to either elope and do it in Fiji. Just him and me on the beach. But then I also want a large wedding with the reception and family and all that good stuff. Its all up to me tho. He wants part of it. But he could care less if we have roses or lillies in the center pieces.

[Woggle]

Congrats. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. There is no set time limit on love. When we follow our instincts we know.

[Hot Coco]

Of course. There is no rush to at this point. I have to work out many details but I would like to be engaged for about a 8 months-a year.

 

Of course that's wise...can't go wrong setting it that far ahead. We knew after 4 weeks (when we became engaged) and set the wedding for 7 months after the engagement.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Now, what about age? What too young? OK....I'm 21. Might I add I have been a professional since I was 18 and I have lived on my own since then. I'm not an immature 21 year old snot kid. I am a business women. I have offices and clients. I have the mind of a 40 year old. Not your typical 21 year old. Just wanted to state that for the record.

[Hot Coco]

I won't, not anymore!

The s***ty thing is, I wanted to get married around may, junish. But my cousin is geting married in May and I feel like its too close to theirs. So I might have to do it in the summer. July probably. I wanted to either elope and do it in Fiji. Just him and me on the beach. But then I also want a large wedding with the reception and family and all that good stuff. Its all up to me tho. He wants part of it. But he could care less if we have roses or lillies in the center pieces.

 

Do it when you guys want to. Why should your cousin's wedding dictate when you'll have it? I mean as long as it's not on the same DAY! Really, I wouldn't concern myself about that. You only have ONE wedding day so have it when you want to have it.

 

By the way, you'll probably (if you're like we were) plan a million different ways of doing it before you decide. We contemplated eloping too among other scenarios. You have plenty of time to decide on that.

[Woggle]

21 is a little young but if you feel it is right do it.

[Hot Coco]

Now, what about age? What too young? OK....I'm 21. Might I add I have been a professional since I was 18 and I have lived on my own since then. I'm not an immature 21 years snot kid. I am a business women. I have offices and clients. I have the mind of a 40 year old. Not your typical 21 year old. Just wnated to state that for the record.

 

Ok, I understand you are mature for your age but you know I didn't really mean age so much as EXPERIENCE (which usually goes with age.) Now, don't be mad at me but THAT might be a stumbling block. I married H when I was 34. I was not the same person I was at 21. No one is. You grow up a lot in your 20's and change a lot. I'm not saying that it won't work but I wouldn't even date the same people now that I would have dated at 21.

 

Personally, I think that's too young to get married but I don't know you. I only know how I was at 21. I was very mature too BUT I hadn't yet experienced all that I needed to to know EXACTLY what kind of man I wanted and didn't want. Of course when I was that age I THOUGHT I knew. But we're not the people we later become at that young age.

 

Hope you take this the right way. I'm only speaking from MY experience. It could be different for you.

[quankanne]

congratulations, honey! This is definitely news to perk up anyone's day :)

 

21 is young, but from the sounds of it, IHNFC isn't your typical 21-year-old. The biggest plus is that she's lived on her own, so she's not going from mama and daddy's house to a husband's, you know? She understands "real" life consists on meeting monthly bills, handling other finances, etc, and she has that added edge of maturity that comes with being on your own for a while.

 

as for "only" knowing him for such a short time … your heart knows a sure thing. If they are a mature young couple, why should they be forced to wait to establish intention of marrying or marry? Long waiting periods are good when one or both parties don't have that sense of maturity.

 

on top of which, a seven-month engagement will give them time to smooth out any areas that need smoothing before the final step.

 

extend my congratulations to your groom-to-be, IHNFC, and tell him I think that his was a sweet, memorable proposal. Much better than, "well, you know I want to marry you!" :D :D :D

[bab]

Congrats!! :love: I knew right around my 22nd birthday that I would eventually marry my man, and we had only been dating 5 months. It took us 4 years to get around to getting engaged, but we knew early on too. Enjoy today and ignore any stupid comments!!

[Hot Coco]

congratulations, honey! This is definitely news to perk up anyone's day :)

 

21 is young, but from the sounds of it, IHNFC isn't your typical 21-year-old. The biggest plus is that she's lived on her own, so she's not going from mama and daddy's house to a husband's, you know? She understands "real" life consists on meeting monthly bills, handling other finances, etc, and she has that added edge of maturity that comes with being on your own for a while.

 

as for "only" knowing him for such a short time … your heart knows a sure thing. If they are a mature young couple, why should they be forced to wait to establish intention of marrying or marry? Long waiting periods are good when one or both parties don't have that sense of maturity.

 

on top of which, a seven-month engagement will give them time to smooth out any areas that need smoothing before the final step.

 

extend my congratulations to your groom-to-be, IHNFC, and tell him I think that his was a sweet, memorable proposal. Much better than, "well, you know I want to marry you!" :D :D :D

 

Yes, I agree she has a lot going for her as far as having been on her own and everything. I really didn't mean to put a damper on things. Only speaking from my personal experience.

 

Be sure you discuss EVERYTHING before the wedding. Your stances on kids, how you'll raise them, finances, I mean EVERYTHING. It will give you the best chance of success. Don't wait until after to find out you handle money differently, have different goals, etc. We talked a LOT about all that stuff BEFORE we got married so there'd be no surprises...and there weren't. We were on the same page and when we weren't, we spoke about compromises to be made so that we'd BE on the same page.

 

It amazes me how many couples don't do that. They wait until after to find out that they have different views on child-rearing, money management, religion, time spent together/time spent apart, family obligations....all of it. Use this time wisely to increase your chances of success.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Funny thing is, we already talked about the details. Before we got serious, I told him that I didn't want kids. He knew that from the begining. I knew that him and I would get very serious and I wanted to put things out on the table right away. This is why I have no doubt. Even after all details were worked out, he loves me more than ever and complies with my every request. He's perfect.

[Hot Coco]

Funny thing is, we already talked about the details. Before we got serious, I told him that I didn't want kids. He knew that from the begining. I knew that him and I would get very serious and I wanted to put things out on the table right away. This is why I have no doubt. Even after all details were worked out, he loves me more than ever and complies with my every request. He's perfect.

 

But a good marriage shouldn't be about him "complying with your every request." It should be a team. How does he REALLY feel about not having kids? Is he just going along with you or does HE really not want them either? You see what I'm saying? Maybe someone can articulate this better than me.

[Hot Coco]

Funny thing is, we already talked about the details. Before we got serious, I told him that I didn't want kids. He knew that from the begining. I knew that him and I would get very serious and I wanted to put things out on the table right away. This is why I have no doubt. Even after all details were worked out, he loves me more than ever and complies with my every request. He's perfect.

 

And clue, these aren't "details" you're talking about...they're issues that can MAKE OR BREAK A MARRIAGE.

 

He may be going along with everything you're saying now because you're so in love but you need for him to REALLY tell you where he stands on this stuff. These really aren't details. Picking out the flowers for your wedding, now that's a detail...deciding on the issue about whether to have kids or not, is NOT a detail. See what I'm saying?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I see what our saying. And we have talked about it. Finances, kids, living arangements. I told him before we fell in love that I don't want kids. He understood that before hand or were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Are their any suggestions about what needs to be discussed?

[Outcast]

When it's right you do really know!

 

I've got news for you. Divorce courts are littered with thousands of cases where the people 'really knew' and 'were SURE it was right' etc etc ad nauseam.

 

It's ridiculous to think that everybody else married not thinking they 'really knew' and that somehow you are different and special.

 

Are their any suggestions about what needs to be discussed?

 

Go find yourself a premarital course. Failing that, hit Amazon and search on 'questions before marrying', buy a couple of the books, and work through them.

[quankanne]

Are their any suggestions about what needs to be discussed?

 

the three biggies: sex (and your back-up "plan" for when it wanes), finances/economics (handling bill paying, putting aside money for emergencies and having enough for yourself to piddle around with) and family (the where-to-go-for-holiday stuff, what you will/will not do for family, how much is too much when it comes to helping family). Those have been killers, especially the first two subjects, in our marriage. Though by now, it's the money-handling part that's the worst because of dumb ideas of who's "responsible for X bill" -- that stuff has to be flexible, and there shouldn't be argument over "YOU said you were gonna do it, blah blah blah"