jen78nc Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Hi all. Well, I was just thinking about something. For those of you whose spouse has a very close friend, who theyve ended up cheating with, either emotionally or physically.. Does anyone have any ideas about why the friendship with the other person is so important to them?? My husband has told me many times that OW is a very good friend and he does not want to lose contact with her and she feels the same way. They have known each other for about 8 years. I just dont understand the importance of these types of relationships..Just curious about this. Thanks all! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I'm going to make two simple, unqualified statements - I'm sure they can be dissected (and I welcome it) but these are a jumping off point for discussion, and are based on my own experience, and doing a lot of reading of others' experiences here on LS: The "friend" fills needs that are not being met within the marital relationship. If needs were being met within the marriage, the reasons for most cheating wouldn't exist. What makes every situation different is how the unmet needs developed, how and whether either partner was aware of them and attempted to communicate about them, and how the other partner responded. In these details, there are hundreds of stories each with its own twists, tragedies, betrayals, and thankfully, the occasional success. Also, let me say - you asked specifically about friendships that progress to emotional or physical cheating, i.e. stepping over some "line" that is inappropriate within a marriage or partnership. I don't, for a moment, stand against having friends of the opposite sex, but I believe that needs for emotional and physical intimacy should be met exclusively within the marriage, and that if this is happening in a healthy and honest way within the marriage, then friendship with a member of the opposite sex can be kept in perspective. But it requires what I call "self-honesty" (honest self-awareness) on the part of all parties. Bottom line, is the "friend" meeting needs that should be kept exclusively within the territory of a marital relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I am as confused as you jen78nc. I would agree with what Trimmer said, but add that it seems from what I have read/heard that not everyone is actually able to find all they need in one person. The reasons why people keep these type of relationships going may also have something to do with the ego boost it gives them and the fact it keeps their SO in a state of confusion. But I really have no concrete notion of why people do this. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I am sorry but you are to break all ties with the person you cheated with if you don't your h will never move forth with your marriage and this in turn can be bad for you !! I would tell him that he has to end it with the OW friendship or the marriage is over..As long as she is in the picture you will always be wondering if he is cheating and you can never get over being cheated on and it will be like a pouring alcohol in an open sore !!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Lilmomma- SHE is not the one cheating, it's her H who has the "friend" Trimmer- you have grown! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Lilmomma- SHE is not the one cheating, it's her H who has the "friend" Trimmer- you have grown! I know i was meaning her h not her .. i read the post just did say h my bad didn't know we was being graded !! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 [/B]. Ms Pixie , I went back and read my post and i did say her h go and reread it !! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Trimmer- you have grown! Mz Pixie - Thank you. I am honored. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I am so glad things are moving in a better direction from what they were with meds and counseling i see that it is helping!!! Keep doing what you are doing with the compliments !!!! The little things is what matters most in a relationship!! My h came in from work and i was cooking and he came over and started helping me with the cooking and made the comment he enjoyed us cooking together he said you know this is a type of bonding .. I said i liked it too !! See thats what i am meaning by the little things that matter!! Good luck and keep up the work:D Link to post Share on other sites
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