We just broke up

[T]

I am the same T from a few threads down, about how my gf wants to see other people,

 

well we had a big talk last night and decided we should "seperate". While it hurt me etc we both still realize that we are more then just a couple we are best friends plus more. Im keeping my cool like tony said, and im not sitting idle while she does her thing, im doing mine too. Now here comes the weird parts. We are going to continue to have sex, but only with eachother, even if one of us gets a gf/bf it wouldnt be more seriously then just dating and companionship, so in a sense we are keeping that bond and special thing just between us. Through the talks we had i kind of realized she wants exactly just looking for another guy, she just wanted to get her life together in general. She wants to see her friends meet new ones, etc because before when we took 100% of eachothers time we couldnt do that. So i see more now that shes not just running off with another guy shes just trying to have a little freedom i guess and im not limiting myself either, anyways to get to the point. When i mentioned and old girl who used to like me a while back , and how i might call her, my (ex)gf got all like weirded out like she just realized i can see other people too, i think it scared her a little and think eventually shell realize that im not going to sit idle on her. Anyways, the talks weve had have been good and stuff, and we promise to keep out friendship(plus benefits) strong, i know it may seem like shes having her cake and eating it too but im reality i think she just needed me to get off her back a little and we just need to break and respark the relationship. Im working out and tanning more now then i was when i first met her, and im alot less lazy and shes noticing this, so i think in time we can work things out. My question is what should i do if eventually i want to get back with her, should i just keep my cool and go with the flow and enjoy the friendship(and benefits) we have or what, i mean just because we are having sex, doesnt mean i cant see other people and she cant either, the only that we are holding together is the fact that we have only shared that with eachother and will continue to be like that. things are looking good i guess. Im alot less depressed even though were broke up, its weird i guess we just need a break

 

gimme insight, (tony plz)

[Tony T]

I think it is excellent that you are willing to help her relieve her sexual tension until she meets someone and feels comfortable enough to proceed with sex with that person.

 

You are extremely naive if you think her seeing other people won't lead to sex. Just be sure to tell her, for the sake of your health and possibly your life, that when she decides to have sex with others that she informs you. Most likely she will anyway because at that point she will no longer have any need for you in that regard.

 

I think you are just brilliant to be able to negotiate this friendship thing to allow her to continue enjoying the benefits of getting herself off sexually until she finds someone else she is interested in getting serious with.

 

Actually, this is an arrangement that many couples make these days after a breakup so they can continue to have sexual tension relieved prior to their next relationship. Unfortunately, in this case one of the people doesn't have any idea what's going on.

 

You would be a complete delight for any lady!!!

[T]

well, i sense alot of sarcasm but here is what im banking on,

 

Shes going back to school with me in 2 months, shes letting me live with her, we are going to see eachother often, aslong as im "relieveing" her sexual tension, shes isnt going to be releiving it to anyone else, i mean if we weret doing then the should would most likely move on in that departmet, but she has high morals and considers if she was to have sex with anyone else they would have to be engaged first, so that works to my advantage, she is getting jealou that i might talk to other guys, im being more responsible and organized and not just sitting idle therefore she is respecting me more. Im just looking at it as we needed a break, and its just a matter of time before we get back together, im asking what thinkgs should and shouldnt i do to help that process. all in all she left not just to jump to some other guy, but to just have the tensions of relationships lifted off of her

I think it is excellent that you are willing to help her relieve her sexual tension until she meets someone and feels comfortable enough to proceed with sex with that person. You are extremely naive if you think her seeing other people won't lead to sex. Just be sure to tell her, for the sake of your health and possibly your life, that when she decides to have sex with others that she informs you. Most likely she will anyway because at that point she will no longer have any need for you in that regard. I think you are just brilliant to be able to negotiate this friendship thing to allow her to continue enjoying the benefits of getting herself off sexually until she finds someone else she is interested in getting serious with. Actually, this is an arrangement that many couples make these days after a breakup so they can continue to have sexual tension relieved prior to their next relationship. Unfortunately, in this case one of the people doesn't have any idea what's going on. You would be a complete delight for any lady!!!

[clia]

well we had a big talk last night and decided

we should "seperate".

Hate to tell you, but if you're still having sex, you aren't separated. Being separated means that you don't see eachother, talk to eachother, or have sex with eachother. It means you are SEPARATE. All you're doing is preventing yourself from moving on and finding someone who WANTS to be with you because you are still keeping a bond with your ex. (And she's doing the same.)

While it hurt me etc we both still realize that we are more then just a couple we are best friends plus more.

Well, most people who have dated for any long period of time DO become best friends plus more. You are not in a unique situation, here. Breaking up is like losing your best friend, but millions of people go through it and move on with their lives. It's hard to leave that comfort zone, but it is entirely within the realm of possibility.

Now here comes the weird parts. We are going to continue to have sex, but only with eachother, even if one of us gets a gf/bf it wouldnt be more seriously then just dating and companionship, so in a sense we are keeping that bond and special thing just between us.

You are absolutely crazy if you think that's going to work. The friends with benefits business doesn't do anything except generally keep one person (I'm guessing you) hanging on to something that isn't there anymore and never will be. While you could be moving on and finding a girl who appreciates and wants to be with you, instead you are still going to be all consumed with your ex and your 'special bond'.

Through the talks we had i kind of realized she wants exactly just looking for another guy, she just wanted to get her life together in general. She wants to see her friends meet new ones, etc because before when we took 100% of eachothers time we couldnt do that.

It's called time management. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship when that is all you have in your life. There's no reason why she can't get her life together while seeing you at the same time. Sounds like a lame excuse to me. And if you're going to continue your bond and have sex, sounds like you're still going to be spending a lot of time together.

So i see more now that shes not just running off with another guy shes just trying to have a little freedom i guess and im not limiting myself either, anyways to get to the point.

I still don't understand why the two of you can't be together and still give yourselves more freedom. Many people have pretty full lives (friends, hobbies, etc.) outside of their relationship.

When i mentioned and old girl who used to like me a while back, and how i might call her, my (ex)gf got all like weirded out like she just realized i can see other people too, i think it scared her a little and think eventually shell realize that im not going to sit idle on her.

The thing is, by agreeing to be her sex buddy, you are sitting idly. The best thing for you to do is to cut her off completely. You aren't doing yourself any good by doing what you're doing. Let me guess--she says 'Jump', and you say 'How high?'

Anyways, the talks weve had have been good and stuff, and we promise to keep out friendship(plus benefits) strong, i know it may seem like shes having her cake and eating it too but im reality i think she just needed me to get off her back a little and we just need to break and respark the relationship.

As I stated earlier, there's no reason you can't get off her back and continue to have an exclusive relationship with her. You know what she wants now, right? It should be easy.

My question is what should i do if eventually i want to get back with her, should i just keep my cool and go with the flow and enjoy the friendship(and benefits) we have or what, i mean just because we are having sex, doesnt mean i cant see other people and she cant either, the only that we are holding together is the fact that we have only shared that with eachother and will continue to be like that.

The thing to remember is that if you DO start dating someone else (which I doubt), if that girl finds out you are still having sex with your ex, she'll be out of there so fast your head will spin. You cannot move on and have a relationship with someone else if you are still hooked on your ex. If that's what you want to do, then you have to cut her off.

things are looking good i guess.

I think things look more convoluted than ever.

Im alot less depressed even though were broke up, its weird i guess we just need a break

Don't kid yourself. The two of you aren't taking a break. A break means that you don't see or talk to each other. No wonder you're less depressed. You really haven't lost anything here, have you?

[Tony T]

No sarcasm intended. But nevertheless, I will not be successful in helping you see this is not a good situation for you in the longrun so I will no longer make the attempt.

 

Again, no sarcasm intended.

[Bobby Dygytul]

Dude, everyone sees this situation very clearly but you. We are just trying to help you out of our own experiences. Anyone that reads this can clearly see what is going on and what she is trying to do. read my text: SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP ANY MORE!!!!

 

If she wanted to be with you in a relationship, wouldn't she be with you right now instead of putting you through this? Women don't go and flat out tell you what they truely mean, instead they tell you everything around the actual words because it sounds so much better to them and to us so we don't go ape sh*t and whimper like a lost puppy.

 

ALL girls are like that. Any time they say anything that deals with needing space or time away, its basically saying "i don't want to be in a relationship any more!!"

 

She's trying her best not to hurt you, to let you down really easily a step at a time and your not getting the picture.

 

YOU WROTE:"she has high morals and considers"

 

LOL (Laughing Out Loud)

 

I tell you what, go ahead and think the way you are and just ignore all of us. Come back when your feelings and heart are crushed all over the street like road kill. We'll be here and willing to help when that happens.

well, i sense alot of sarcasm but here is what im banking on, Shes going back to school with me in 2 months, shes letting me live with her, we are going to see eachother often, aslong as im "relieveing" her sexual tension, shes isnt going to be releiving it to anyone else, i mean if we weret doing then the should would most likely move on in that departmet, but she has high morals and considers if she was to have sex with anyone else they would have to be engaged first, so that works to my advantage, she is getting jealou that i might talk to other guys, im being more responsible and organized and not just sitting idle therefore she is respecting me more. Im just looking at it as we needed a break, and its just a matter of time before we get back together, im asking what thinkgs should and shouldnt i do to help that process. all in all she left not just to jump to some other guy, but to just have the tensions of relationships lifted off of her

[Amy]

I totally agree she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She is keeping you on the back burner until something better comes along. A safety net. And I have to commend her she has you actually believing that this is a good thing, amazing.

Hate to tell you, but if you're still having sex, you aren't separated. Being separated means that you don't see eachother, talk to eachother, or have sex with eachother. It means you are SEPARATE. All you're doing is preventing yourself from moving on and finding someone who WANTS to be with you because you are still keeping a bond with your ex. (And she's doing the same.) Well, most people who have dated for any long period of time DO become best friends plus more. You are not in a unique situation, here. Breaking up is like losing your best friend, but millions of people go through it and move on with their lives. It's hard to leave that comfort zone, but it is entirely within the realm of possibility.

 

You are absolutely crazy if you think that's going to work. The friends with benefits business doesn't do anything except generally keep one person (I'm guessing you) hanging on to something that isn't there anymore and never will be. While you could be moving on and finding a girl who appreciates and wants to be with you, instead you are still going to be all consumed with your ex and your 'special bond'. It's called time management. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship when that is all you have in your life. There's no reason why she can't get her life together while seeing you at the same time. Sounds like a lame excuse to me. And if you're going to continue your bond and have sex, sounds like you're still going to be spending a lot of time together. I still don't understand why the two of you can't be together and still give yourselves more freedom. Many people have pretty full lives (friends, hobbies, etc.) outside of their relationship.

 

The thing is, by agreeing to be her sex buddy, you are sitting idly. The best thing for you to do is to cut her off completely. You aren't doing yourself any good by doing what you're doing. Let me guess--she says 'Jump', and you say 'How high?' As I stated earlier, there's no reason you can't get off her back and continue to have an exclusive relationship with her. You know what she wants now, right? It should be easy. The thing to remember is that if you DO start dating someone else (which I doubt), if that girl finds out you are still having sex with your ex, she'll be out of there so fast your head will spin. You cannot move on and have a relationship with someone else if you are still hooked on your ex. If that's what you want to do, then you have to cut her off. I think things look more convoluted than ever. Don't kid yourself. The two of you aren't taking a break. A break means that you don't see or talk to each other. No wonder you're less depressed. You really haven't lost anything here, have you?

 

[marzipan75]

Okay, Let me start out by saying that I just suffered a break up only a week ago and even I am your classic "push over" but I think you really should think about what you two are doing. I know that it is very very hard on you right now but do you honestly think you can sit back and have sex while she dates other people? If she wants some room to see other people then I think it only fair that you do the same. At least you two are still friends and this split (if that's what you can call it) is amicable. It sounds like you both are having trouble really letting go of this relationship and maybe also that she's kind of confused. It also sounds like you are willing to take what you can get in this because you feel you don't have a choice in the matter, let me say You do! It's not really a break if neither of you gets any distance from eachother. I think you should let her do her thing for a bit and step back no matter how much it hurts, you both sound really confused. Please do yourself a favor and get some distance even if its for a week or two. Think about what you're doing, can you honestly say to yourself that you wont feel jealous if you have sex with her and then the next day she goes out with some guy and starts revealing all these romantic details about it? It sounds like trouble later on. If you two are truly good friends then you can be honest with her and with yourself enough to see that this is not going to benefit either of you. You need to be kinder to yourself and realize that while you are on the backburner you are leaving yourself closed to other people but she isn't. I'm sorry to tell you this. I really am.

I am the same T from a few threads down, about how my gf wants to see other people, well we had a big talk last night and decided we should "seperate". While it hurt me etc we both still realize that we are more then just a couple we are best friends plus more. Im keeping my cool like tony said, and im not sitting idle while she does her thing, im doing mine too. Now here comes the weird parts. We are going to continue to have sex, but only with eachother, even if one of us gets a gf/bf it wouldnt be more seriously then just dating and companionship, so in a sense we are keeping that bond and special thing just between us. Through the talks we had i kind of realized she wants exactly just looking for another guy, she just wanted to get her life together in general. She wants to see her friends meet new ones, etc because before when we took 100% of eachothers time we couldnt do that. So i see more now that shes not just running off with another guy shes just trying to have a little freedom i guess and im not limiting myself either, anyways to get to the point. When i mentioned and old girl who used to like me a while back , and how i might call her, my (ex)gf got all like weirded out like she just realized i can see other people too, i think it scared her a little and think eventually shell realize that im not going to sit idle on her. Anyways, the talks weve had have been good and stuff, and we promise to keep out friendship(plus benefits) strong, i know it may seem like shes having her cake and eating it too but im reality i think she just needed me to get off her back a little and we just need to break and respark the relationship. Im working out and tanning more now then i was when i first met her, and im alot less lazy and shes noticing this, so i think in time we can work things out. My question is what should i do if eventually i want to get back with her, should i just keep my cool and go with the flow and enjoy the friendship(and benefits) we have or what, i mean just because we are having sex, doesnt mean i cant see other people and she cant either, the only that we are holding together is the fact that we have only shared that with eachother and will continue to be like that. things are looking good i guess. Im alot less depressed even though were broke up, its weird i guess we just need a break gimme insight, (tony plz)