almostthere Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Ok...the short of it is me and the guy I am seeing have just decided to go from friends to dating. I am divorced for 3 years with 2 young kids and he is divorced for 1 and a half years with 3 children around the age of my two. We were friends for 5 or 6 months and then dating for almost 2 months now. He has been around my children. He is invited everywhere we go. However, I am not allowed around his children because of some reason that he doesnt want his exwife to find out that they met me. but he wants me to meet his kids. she does know about me. she does know we are dating. so why would he care how it would effect his exwife if i hung around his kids? Im very confused and starting to feel like giving up on this relationship because of this concern about his exwife. Who cares how it would make her feel? or if she would yell at him? I was told she is the mother of his children not his mother!! He ditched plans with me and my kids last saturday (plans we scheduled ahead of time for 3 weeks) because they were arguing and he had to go over to her house to fight it out. am i missing something here? should i be concerned that there are deep rooted feelings for her that I am ignoring because he says theres nothing there? he left her because he found out about a year and a half long afair was happening. I feel like i am seriously missing something here..... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Maybe you really aren't missing anything at all. He's been divorced for 1-1/2 years and his XW still seems to exert a significant influence over what he does with his life. He bails on weeks-long plans with you to go over and hash out a disagreement with her? You don't need to agonize over why it's that way - why she does it, why he lets her, what limits they should establish between them to each have a healthy life, how they could better provide for their kids without bugging each other, what they should do to make it better. The fact is that you are seeing what it will be like to be with this guy. Right now, it's a hassle about meeting the kids in the first place. Once you meet them, do you think everything will calm down, and her influence in his life will be diminished, or will it just shift to other issues? Let me say that I accept that separated parents both have a legitimate concern about the welfare of their children while in the care of the other parent, but from your description, it sounds like she might be leveraging this a little bit, as part of an overall control/influence struggle between them. This is the way it is. You aren't missing anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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