alwayswondering Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I am/was engaged, in process of breaking it off. He moved into my place and I am trying to get him out but he has no money. Everyone says he is a controller/manipulator/moocher/user. I guess I just wondered if any of you have any "Red flags" or characteristic you have seen that are not so obvious of a man like this. I don't want to be wrong and let a good guy go that says he is always the victim of bad circumstances. Did I mention he has lived with me for 3 months, has not paid a dime in rent or bills and is 30 and does not own a single thing except clothes? Has a good job and works all the time but has nothing to show for it. Has moved from one girlfriend/fiance's house to another...... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 trying to be kind here, but this man sounds like a classic moocher with a pattern of taking, but not giving in his relationships. I don't want to be wrong and let a good guy go that says he is always the victim of bad circumstances. this is precisely what manipulation is! He's telling you to feel sorry for him because someone is picking on him, he cannot fend without your help, he can't get away from bad things happening to him, thus making YOU feel responsible for his behavior/situation (or lack of it). a manipulator will f*** with your mind and twist things around so that the truth appears to be a lie, and his or her lies are "the real truth." A manipulative person also will cut you off from others so that you will buy into his or her stories -- there's no one else around to help you think for yourself. dump him ~ you deserve much better in life than what he's refusing to give in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamrick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 How many times has he done this before? If he has a job, but is not paying any rent then he is definitely mooching off you. As far as manipulation goes, everyone does it at some stage, but its the extent they do it too that is the problem. Do you really want to be with this guy forever? It sounds like if you want him to stay you need to lay down some rules and make sure he sticks to them or kick him out. People will take the easy way out - don't make it easy for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 How many times has he done this before? If he has a job, but is not paying any rent then he is definitely mooching off you. As far as manipulation goes, everyone does it at some stage, but its the extent they do it too that is the problem. Do you really want to be with this guy forever? It sounds like if you want him to stay you need to lay down some rules and make sure he sticks to them or kick him out. People will take the easy way out - don't make it easy for him. He'd be the kind of husband you see on the talk shows. You know the ones where the wife does EVERYTHING. They almost always "lose" their jobs after you marry them. Besides, who would want a man that has that "victim" mentality? Don't you want someone strong who's your equal so you can be a team? Doesn't sound like you'd ever have that with him. Good for you for recognizing this BEFORE you married him! Now go out and find a REAL man! Link to post Share on other sites
k_lily Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I can not believe I am reading this! If he is 30 I have to assume you are at least 23-27? You've got to know by now that a man like this is worthless. I've put up with/am putting up with plenty of my own sh*t, but have some respect for yourself. I have a friend who is on the other side of this kind of situation. She is actually the other woman to a man who is doing the same thing to his girlfriend. He has even so blantently admitted that the only reason he's with the first is because she supports him completely, and now he's got two of them suckered in. The only thing he pays for is his car/insurance, his debts from society (police charges), and to go out to the bar each night (cause of orig. charges). Men (and some women) like this never change. I think you answered your own question in the first place by coming on to a site like this and asking it. Good luck, and work up the courage to just bump his a$$ to the street. Kealy Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Yep he sounds like a manipulator!! From what you have said he does done this before and moves from g/f to g/f .. Maybe they figure him out and wise up and kicks him to the curb!!! Get out before you get preggo and stuck with this loser!! Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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