I just don't understand men

[clia]

I really don't know what to think.

 

I just moved to a new city where a guy I really like happens to live. (I met him through friends of mine and we've hung out a few times in the past and got along really well.) About a month ago, before I moved, he called me and told me he couldn't wait for me to get here so we could go out.

 

So, early last week I called him to let him know I was here and we had a good conversation. (And he made a big deal about making sure he had all my phone numbers so he could reach me.) He then said "Well, if you ever want to have lunch or get together for drinks give me a call." My initial reaction was "Whatever! Ask me out if you want to do something." But then I decided toward the end of the week that I'd make the effort, so I left him a message telling him if he wanted to try and meet up over the weekend to give me a call. That was last Thursday. Still haven't heard from him.

 

I know there could be a million reasons why he hasn't called. He's busy, has a new girlfriend, is giving me time to get settled, whatever, but I still can't help but feel that I've been completely blown off. (Which is perplexing to me, given the way he acted toward me in the past.) It doesn't matter that much because I've been having a blast with my friends and keeping busy, but I just don't know what to think or do. I didn't come here with any expectations that we would begin dating or anything, more just hang out a few times and see where it went. (And I have no clue what his expectations were.) The last thing I want to do is bug him to get together, but I really like hanging out with him, and even if he only wants to be friends, that's fine with me. (I mean, I don't know tons of people here yet, so anyone else to hang out with would be great.)

 

What should I do? Should I write it off and wait until I hear from him (if ever), or should I give it one more effort later on down the line and call him again in a week or two? (I think I know the answer to this one, but I'm getting mixed responses from my friends and would like an outside opinion.)

 

Thanks!

[liquid dream]

Stay strong!!! I say you should hold your ground. If he is intrested, he will call you. If not, there are plenty of men out there. He is not the only one. Just keep doing what you are doing and stay busy so that you don't think about it all that much. That's what I think anyway. Good luck

I really don't know what to think. I just moved to a new city where a guy I really like happens to live. (I met him through friends of mine and we've hung out a few times in the past and got along really well.) About a month ago, before I moved, he called me and told me he couldn't wait for me to get here so we could go out. So, early last week I called him to let him know I was here and we had a good conversation. (And he made a big deal about making sure he had all my phone numbers so he could reach me.) He then said "Well, if you ever want to have lunch or get together for drinks give me a call." My initial reaction was "Whatever! Ask me out if you want to do something." But then I decided toward the end of the week that I'd make the effort, so I left him a message telling him if he wanted to try and meet up over the weekend to give me a call. That was last Thursday. Still haven't heard from him. I know there could be a million reasons why he hasn't called. He's busy, has a new girlfriend, is giving me time to get settled, whatever, but I still can't help but feel that I've been completely blown off. (Which is perplexing to me, given the way he acted toward me in the past.) It doesn't matter that much because I've been having a blast with my friends and keeping busy, but I just don't know what to think or do. I didn't come here with any expectations that we would begin dating or anything, more just hang out a few times and see where it went. (And I have no clue what his expectations were.) The last thing I want to do is bug him to get together, but I really like hanging out with him, and even if he only wants to be friends, that's fine with me. (I mean, I don't know tons of people here yet, so anyone else to hang out with would be great.) What should I do? Should I write it off and wait until I hear from him (if ever), or should I give it one more effort later on down the line and call him again in a week or two? (I think I know the answer to this one, but I'm getting mixed responses from my friends and would like an outside opinion.) Thanks!

[Ed]

To me, it depends on what you would like this relationship to turn into.

 

If all you want is to be friends with him, then go ahead and call him back in a week or two. Friends are like this. I sometimes go for weeks without talking to friends. Then, one day, we catch up with each other with no hard feelings toward the other for not trying harder to make contact.

 

On the other hand, dating relationships require a different kind of give and take that most friendships don't have or need. If you want this to turn into a dating situation, I would wait for him to call you. You have done enough to let him know you have moved and are interested in meeting up with him or going out together. I would just leave it at that and see if anything further develops.

 

Other than that, the best thing you can do right now is what you have already been doing. Go out and do things with other people. Make plans to do things alone or with others. That way, if he does call, you might be busy...know what I mean - but make sure you suggest an alternate day or time when you are not busy.

 

Whether they be friendships or romantic interests, relationships take time. Just give it some time and see what happens.

[clia]

Thanks you guys. Very good advice, and pretty much what I thought, but it's good to hear a guy's perspective. (I don't know if it's the girl in me or what, but I always seem to know what I need to do, but end up doing the exact opposite.) It's not a problem for me to stay busy since I'm a pretty resourceful girl and I've got a whole new city to explore, but it still drives me crazy!

To me, it depends on what you would like this relationship to turn into. If all you want is to be friends with him, then go ahead and call him back in a week or two. Friends are like this. I sometimes go for weeks without talking to friends. Then, one day, we catch up with each other with no hard feelings toward the other for not trying harder to make contact. On the other hand, dating relationships require a different kind of give and take that most friendships don't have or need. If you want this to turn into a dating situation, I would wait for him to call you. You have done enough to let him know you have moved and are interested in meeting up with him or going out together. I would just leave it at that and see if anything further develops.

 

Other than that, the best thing you can do right now is what you have already been doing. Go out and do things with other people. Make plans to do things alone or with others. That way, if he does call, you might be busy...know what I mean - but make sure you suggest an alternate day or time when you are not busy. Whether they be friendships or romantic interests, relationships take time. Just give it some time and see what happens.

[liquid dream]

You are very welcome...and I'm glad that I'm able to help...it makes me happy knowing that!!! Simply because I'm a happy person!!! Now smile for me one time

Thanks you guys. Very good advice, and pretty much what I thought, but it's good to hear a guy's perspective. (I don't know if it's the girl in me or what, but I always seem to know what I need to do, but end up doing the exact opposite.) It's not a problem for me to stay busy since I'm a pretty resourceful girl and I've got a whole new city to explore, but it still drives me crazy!

 

[clia]

He called tonight. Guess I jumped the gun. And he had a very good excuse for not calling. We're getting together soon...(Can I say YIPPEE!!!)

I really don't know what to think. I just moved to a new city where a guy I really like happens to live. (I met him through friends of mine and we've hung out a few times in the past and got along really well.) About a month ago, before I moved, he called me and told me he couldn't wait for me to get here so we could go out. So, early last week I called him to let him know I was here and we had a good conversation. (And he made a big deal about making sure he had all my phone numbers so he could reach me.) He then said "Well, if you ever want to have lunch or get together for drinks give me a call." My initial reaction was "Whatever! Ask me out if you want to do something." But then I decided toward the end of the week that I'd make the effort, so I left him a message telling him if he wanted to try and meet up over the weekend to give me a call. That was last Thursday. Still haven't heard from him. I know there could be a million reasons why he hasn't called. He's busy, has a new girlfriend, is giving me time to get settled, whatever, but I still can't help but feel that I've been completely blown off. (Which is perplexing to me, given the way he acted toward me in the past.) It doesn't matter that much because I've been having a blast with my friends and keeping busy, but I just don't know what to think or do. I didn't come here with any expectations that we would begin dating or anything, more just hang out a few times and see where it went. (And I have no clue what his expectations were.) The last thing I want to do is bug him to get together, but I really like hanging out with him, and even if he only wants to be friends, that's fine with me. (I mean, I don't know tons of people here yet, so anyone else to hang out with would be great.) What should I do? Should I write it off and wait until I hear from him (if ever), or should I give it one more effort later on down the line and call him again in a week or two? (I think I know the answer to this one, but I'm getting mixed responses from my friends and would like an outside opinion.) Thanks!