Need Help?!

[sheepie]

i would greatly appreciate some advice on this matter below.

 

I've been married for over 3 years. We are now in the process of a divorce. I've known my wife (soon to be ex) for over 5 years. We dated a while fell madly in love and got married. Everything was great. We bought a house, great dog and later on in the marriage we started working on kids. She was into her family as well as mine. I had a great relationship with her family. Her parents were both remarried and had separate families. Then her Dad passed and she changed. I understood her change because my parents passed away not too long ago. I was there for her as best as i could. We came to a point in our lives where we wanted to have kids. I being 30 she 27. We started working on our own family. Then one day She then turned to me and said she doesn't want to have kids right now. I asked her why and she was vague with her answers. Then she started saying that she wasn't happy anymore. She would say things to me that hurt me. Like she got married too young, she was only in love with the thought of getting married not with me. I find that hard to believe after all the years we spent together. I look at pictures of the places we've been to the times we spent together and try to figure out why she would say she wasn't happy? Needless to say after a few months she came to me and said we should separate. I pleaded with her at first asking her why? What can i do to make it better? Therapy...something? Anything...Then i finally gave in and said ok.. i don't want you to be part of something you no longer have any feelings for. We were still living together for the last months and she started taking trips out to Texas. She said it was to visit her friend. I trusted her completely because her girlfriend came out to visit a few times, i thought nothing of it. We sold our house and moved into separate places. She took our dog and promised to care for him. That was 3 months ago. I would speak to her over the phone to finalize paper work like bank statments and such. I was fine with the separation. I thought about her often and would say to myself people change get over it. She was taking a trip to Texas again and wanted to know if i could watch our Dog for the weekend. I love our dog and said yes. I had a great time on Sat. with our dog. Then Sunday i used her pc to check my mail and found pictures of her with someone (he seems to be in college wearing a Texas hat)else when we were still living together almost at the end of our living situation. There was even a picture of her with this guy's family. I was devastated. My world came crashing down. I couldn't sleep that Sunday or Monday. I visited her Mother and told her about the pictures i found, pretty bad i know, her mother she didn't cheat on me during our marrige because it was towards the end of our marriage. I said to her how could she find someone so quickly. She must

of been seeing him a long time right under my nose which is what hurt me more. When my ex came back from Texas i asked to speak with her. I practically begged and pleade

[sheepie]

I begged and pleaded for her to take me back. Pathetic i know. She said no because she didn't feel anything for me anymore.

 

She was my world and now she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I don't understand how a person can change so fast.

 

Please help....

[scobro]

I am going through the same thing, my wife all of a sudden ended things out of the blue while we were trying to start a family.I found clues and long story short there was someone else involved she claims they met after we separated, 2 weeks after in fact(yeah right!) and are just casualy dating.Its all bull#@$% when people cheat they lie to cover up how bad it looks.I couldn't imagine seeing pictures that must have been horrible the closest I came was a friend of mine saw my ex and this guy together at a bar with his hand on her knee just hearing that was devastating for me so seeing picture has got to be awful.My only advice which I am trying to follow is know she is pathetic for doing what she did and she will get hers one day, in the meantime do not contact her in any way just let her go and try and get on with your life.I hurt everyday and it's been 3 months but only 1 month since I moved out. Lfe is sure different without my ex but I know I will be better off in the end and so will you.

[scobro]

I begged and pleaded for her to take me back. Pathetic i know. She said no because she didn't feel anything for me anymore.

 

She was my world and now she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I don't understand how a person can change so fast.

 

Please help....

I missed this post in my first reply.I know just how you feel my wife actaully did it to me last year and I begged and pleaded and she said she didn't have any feelings wasn't attracted to me etc...Then 3 weeks later she changed her mind and we went to coucelling. During that 3 weeks I tapped into her e-mail and she was out having drinks lunches and dinners with some guy she knew and me like a stupid idiot I wanted to make the marriage work.Now 1 year later same thing she just one day not even thinking she is un-happy because of trying to get pregnant and she seemed happy I come home and she says I am not happy no feelings etc its over.So now its good riddance to damaged goods, she will always think the grass is greener no matter who she is with and this was her 3rd marriage at 37 years old(last one lasted 10 months she had an affair).It seems like your wife will always be looking for something or situation that is better she just cannot be content in a relationship.Also,my wife stopped talking to me and was a cold hearted bitch like i was at fault but I also think she has narcissistic behaviour that she just cannot help because she is so messed up mentally.

I would just let this one go brother you will hurt for a while but I have been in your shoes and got back together with my wife and now we are repeating the same thing, so for an extra year with her I got my heart ripped out twice and it is not worth it.

[sheepie]

Thanx Scobro...

 

I hear what your saying and everyone else for that matter about leaving her alone. The whole no contact solution. I just don't understand myself. When she wanted a separation i was fine with it after a while. I tried talking to her and asking her why she feels the way she does and is there anything i can do to fix it. She said no. I'm the first in my entire family including my extended family to have a divorce. Her family has a history of divorce. I don't know if that means anything. I'm just looking for an answer here. After seeing those pictures i want her back even more. I know that's crazy i should want nothing to do with her but my feelings are so strong. After i spoke to her on Monday she has been distant with me. She's threatened not to speak to me anymore when i call and i pleaded with her not to do that. I would give anything to be like you and have the person i love back. I've never had these feelings before. I can't believe how much i want to hear her voice or be next to her. I must sound crazy i know.. the funny part is i'm a calm and rational person (not now of course) All of my friends are married and are shocked at what's going on. They try to offer adivce but noone has gone through what i'm going through.

I'm at my wits end.... lonely with no future plan anymore.

[scobro]

She's threatened not to speak to me anymore when i call and i pleaded with her not to do that..

 

Ok play her bluff stop calling her, no contact at all!!!! pull up your sleeves wipe the tears away and get tough watch how she will all of a sudden start changing her tune. my ex was trying any excuse to contact me when I stopped she even e-mailed me to tell me grapes were on sale that I like and are now in season:rolleyes: .No contact works!!!

 

I would give anything to be like you and have the person i love back

Dude Why????In my situation she did it again, in your situation she is with some guy inTexas with a big cowboy hat and you want her back????Why?I know why, you feel you will never be in love again or find someone like her.You should hope you don't find someone that treats you so bad.This feeling will pass trust me.Do you miss her or the being married feeling?.

 

I've never had these feelings before. I can't believe how much i want to hear her voice or be next to her..[/

 

That is because you are magnifying her good qualities and forgetting all the bullsh#@.Everyone puts their ex on a pedastal when they are hurting think of the bad times not just the good.When you hurt she will seem like the only women you would ever want and you will see her in false light because you are hurting.

 

 

I must sound crazy i know

.Yes you do.... but I have been there brother and trust me this will pass be strong and don't pussy out on the no contact

I will be lonely with no future plan anymore.

So because she ended your marriage you will end up lonely with no future plans?How about you will have a better life and find a better wife in the future and look back at her and end up thanking her for what she did because your life is so much better than it would have been with her.Everyone has a destiny and heartache and pain are part of getting to where you are meant to be and who you are meant to be with....don't forget that.Life seems hopeless but in one year from now you can either be well adjusted to a new you and a new life or a pathetic mess unattractive to women because you are still staring at your ex and some shmuck in a cowboy hat in Texas.It sounds harsh but its the truth.Your choice I would pick a better life.GOOD LUCK!!